Weight loss...

[PucasKitten]

Stress will make it worse I agree with almost everyone has said. And the BMI charts are a crock of bologna Im 5'4 and weigh anywhere from 140-150 depending on the week lol the lowest ive ever been is 135 and I am no where near overweight it all depends on body type and stuff like Rach said

Dont worry about it to much and once yall are together just focus on the health aspect never the weight or it could have opposite results~

[Rach321]

According to every BMI chart I've seen, including the one in my gynocologist's office it said around 105 or 110. I also realize that BMI charts can't really be relied on, but the point still stands I'm a far cry from what is considered healthy for my height. Thank you for pointing that out though, 125 sounds more reasonable than 105.

I'm the same height, 128 pounds, and I can tell you that if I weighed 105, I would be seriously unhealthy. The lightest I've been is 115, and I didn't really look good, except in pictures. 120-125 is definitely ideal for me, but I'm not unhappy at my current size at all. So much depends on body type/fitness level anyway that those charts don't apply to everyone.

Back on topic and to repeat what others have said... Angelmichu, I understand your concern, but it really isn't about weight, it's what he feels healthy at... He could be healthy at his size if he exercises regularly and eats a healthy diet. It really is up to him to make different choices if he is making bad decisions. Unless he asks you to remind him of his own goals, it will only hurt him if you make him feel that he needs to change. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, btw!

[LadyMarchHare]

Um, not to nitpick, but 105 lbs for a 5'3" girl is just one pound over being what is deemed as underweight. So no, 105 lbs is not classed as a "healthy, ideal" weight for someone your height, something around 120-125 lbs is.

According to every BMI chart I've seen, including the one in my gynocologist's office it said around 105 or 110. I also realize that BMI charts can't really be relied on, but the point still stands I'm a far cry from what is considered healthy for my height. Thank you for pointing that out though, 125 sounds more reasonable than 105.

[Rosebud]

I'm 5'3", I'm around 298lbs. According to half of America and the internet my 'healthy, ideal' weight would be about 105lbs. Not gonna happen. However at the same time I have no health problems aside from a bit of a cholesterol problem that's being lowered via a diet change and medication.

Um, not to nitpick, but 105 lbs for a 5'3" girl is just one pound over being what is deemed as underweight. So no, 105 lbs is not classed as a "healthy, ideal" weight for someone your height, something around 120-125 lbs is.

Anyway, to the OP, I know you don't mean to sound harsh but you concerned or not for him I really think you need to step back and consider how you treat your guy. If he's been larger all his life chances are he's been burned and mocked for his weight a LOT and having his soon-to-be wife also nagging at him probably just makes it worse. Why is it so important he lose a significant amount before the wedding? It sounds like that's just putting a whole lot more pressure on him that he probably doesn't need. It's perfectly fine and understandable that you're concerned for his health, but if he's been eating poorly for a good portion of his life it can be EXTREMELY difficult to change lifestyle habits, because ultimately that's how you lose weight-changing your lifestyle, not going on some diet which his family and friends might be pressuring him to do. It's a huge change and one you might just have to wait until after the wedding for so you can help him along the way.

[LadyMarchHare]

He doesnt look that overweight because his really tall, but he weights around 320.. and thats still is really dangerous weight for him, and even tho i dont like how overweight he is, im also concerned about his health.

You do realize thin people are as likely to be unhealthy as overweight people, right? As long as he's not gorging on foods high in fats, sugars, and other harmful things it doesn't matter that he has padding. Having fat on your body doesn't mean it's going to worm its way into your veins, clog something, and kill you.

I'm 5'3", I'm around 298lbs. According to half of America and the internet my 'healthy, ideal' weight would be about 105lbs. Not gonna happen. However at the same time I have no health problems aside from a bit of a cholesterol problem that's being lowered via a diet change and medication.

Even if you hold the best of intentions for him by suggesting weight loss and trying to get him into an active lifestyle or diet or anything else, that can still be seen by that person as a self esteem killer. I know even when my doctors suggest I lose weight I get mad not because I like being overweight but that people believe that I'm not doing anything within my power to be even remotely smaller when I work my ass off at it more than most people who hit the gym every day do. If he's got other people telling him to drop the fat for something that's only one day, there's NOTHING you can say that won't sound like them. It's a sensitive subject no matter who it comes from with what tone of voice.

If someone can look at me, a woman whose body shape is that of a marshmallow, and love her as she is you can look at that man and love him as he is whether he gains weight or loses weight. You have to love someone's faults before you can love what's perfect about them.

I think you need to do everything you can to take the pressure off of him I had the same issue a while back: I would gain weight, my mom would notice and comment on it and tell me I needed to be more active etc etc, I would feel bad about myself and end up stress eating, and the cycle continued. Honestly, the best think you can do is tell him that you love him just the way he is. If you feel the need to, tell him you're worried more for his health because you want him to be around for a long time, but to take his time and do it his way. When you guys do start living together, you can do things to help with his efforts, like cooking healthier foods and going for walks together, stuff like that. Tell him you're doing it for yourself, and you'd love it if he would do it with you to help keep you motivated. But just stop telling he has to lose weight, the guilt that comes with hearing something like that does more harm than good.

And honestly, you need to decide if you can deal with him being the weight he is for the rest of his life. What happens if he never loses the weight? If in the long run it's just going to cause huge issues between the two of you, you need to think about letting him go.

no i wouldnt... i couldnt possibly let him go.. i love him too much, our relationship is incredible, if he never loses the weight i'll still be with him nontheless. This is just one issue with me which i dont know how to handle.. but i will try my best after listening to all of you.

Gotta put yourself in his shoes. If you were overweight and he wasn't and he accepted you for you, wouldn't that be lovely

you are right.

[Sav88]

Gotta put yourself in his shoes. If you were overweight and he wasn't and he accepted you for you, wouldn't that be lovely

[LostInLove]

I think you need to do everything you can to take the pressure off of him I had the same issue a while back: I would gain weight, my mom would notice and comment on it and tell me I needed to be more active etc etc, I would feel bad about myself and end up stress eating, and the cycle continued. Honestly, the best think you can do is tell him that you love him just the way he is. If you feel the need to, tell him you're worried more for his health because you want him to be around for a long time, but to take his time and do it his way. When you guys do start living together, you can do things to help with his efforts, like cooking healthier foods and going for walks together, stuff like that. Tell him you're doing it for yourself, and you'd love it if he would do it with you to help keep you motivated. But just stop telling he has to lose weight, the guilt that comes with hearing something like that does more harm than good.

And honestly, you need to decide if you can deal with him being the weight he is for the rest of his life. What happens if he never loses the weight? If in the long run it's just going to cause huge issues between the two of you, you need to think about letting him go.

[garnet]

okay i will do as you all have said.. im just really bad at this....

he's really important to me, im not going to leave him, i really love him a lot, and he is perfect for me..

He doesnt look that overweight because his really tall, but he weights around 320.. and thats still is really dangerous weight for him, and even tho i dont like how overweight he is, im also concerned about his health.

If he knows that it's in your mind, there is a good chance it is helping to keep him overweight. If it hurts his feelings and makes him insecure, it might well send him to the comfort of food. Just a thought.

Anyway, you should have a much easier time helping him once the distance is closed. Your lifestyle can lead by example. Plus sex burns lots of calories. :P

I wish you guys the best, and I hope that for his health, he is able to make a dent in his weight. I think even a 10% drop can have great health benefits for him.

If he is not eating healthy, what about trying to eat healthy together? So that he doesn't feel that he is in this 'loosing weight' alone. Share recipes over the internet, comment on which food you liked. It's always good to have a partner that motives you

yeah thats what i think too.. i am even going to cook for him when we're finally together, and i really dont like cooking, but i would do anything to take care of him.

good luck talking to him!! Just keep in mind this is very hard on him feeling he has to lose weight, so just be considerate that he is the one that will make the decision to lose weight or not. keep us updated!

okay i will do as you all have said.. im just really bad at this....

he's really important to me, im not going to leave him, i really love him a lot, and he is perfect for me..

He doesnt look that overweight because his really tall, but he weights around 320.. and thats still is really dangerous weight for him, and even tho i dont like how overweight he is, im also concerned about his health.

[LovingHim]

If he is not eating healthy, what about trying to eat healthy together? So that he doesn't feel that he is in this 'loosing weight' alone. Share recipes over the internet, comment on which food you liked. It's always good to have a partner that motives you

[snow_girl]

I don't think he looks that overweight in your photo. If he is still the same weight on you wedding day it won't make the day any less special. If he has always been overweight then losing it is A LOT harder to do if its in his genes. That being said because its genetic being overweight it does not mean he is unhealthy.

Everyone should stop pressuring him. Who cares? Like Brandie mentioned he will lose it when HE is ready. I'm sure he feels awful right now having everyone on his case. Give him a break.

[garnet]

If he treats you right, and you're happy with everything else about him, I think you have to either decide to work on your acceptance of him as he is, or if this is going to bother you (and hurt him) for life, let him go.

I've always gone up and down in weight. The two most cruel people about it were my father and grandmother. Even when they weren't saying anything, I knew they were thinking it. My grandmother passed away, my father disowned me, same week. I dropped around 80 pounds very quickly, just because the weight of their pressure (silent or not) was off of me. Your guy has to lose on his time table, because he wants to. He can't do it to please you (if he did have success, it likely wouldn't be long term).

My ex husband was over 320 pounds. It wasn't exactly my ideal for him... and I know his health was at major risk. Since we were not LD, I cooked healthy, and we walked. He knew he was in bad shape, he didn't need me pointing it out. Before he became so abusive though, it mattered, but it didn't impact my feelings for him.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but I think if you are still saying and believing that he is perfect *except* ... it isn't the right time to marry him. JMO.