Weight loss...

[hillke]

You know, after all this, i've learned a few things...

I realized that being overweight doesnt necesarily mean its a big deal. John is the guy of my dreams, granted he is overweight and I rather he wasnt but i wouldnt change him for anything in this world. We spoke yesterday since the argument we had led to a lot of issues, and hence me posting the thread to get some view points, and i learned that he's no longer taking blood preassure pills, and altho he is overweight, he is perfectly healthy.

This is all more of an issue with me. I've always been on the chubby side, altho if u see me you might not think im chubby, but where i live for some reason they put a lot more preassure on me, so i've spent my life worrying about my weight and always making sure i never pass that line of 60kgs. I also watched my sister lose control and go from being extremely beautiful, tall and thin: model-type, to extremely obese in which she would serve this huge bowls of pasta and eat them entirely.

So maybe i've just developed this thing against overweight ppl... because everything regarding that in my life has just been negative, and I reflected that on my love.

girl, you don't have to make excuses. you feel how you feel and there's no reason to be ashamed of that.

[Michelle]

I posted here

[Rosebud]

I think it's really mature of you to reaize how these outside factors may have skewed your perception of large people. I don't think anyone here is disagreeing that they want their SO to be healthy, it's when the conversation centers entirely around looks that it can become a sensitive issue. I'm really glad you and your guy were able to talk about it some more and maybe if you continue to talk about the subject with your new perspective that fat does NOT automatically mean unhealthy and knowing full well just what a wonderful man you already have just the way it is, you guys will be just fine. Good luck!

You know, after all this, i've learned a few things...

I realized that being overweight doesnt necesarily mean its a big deal. John is the guy of my dreams, granted he is overweight and I rather he wasnt but i wouldnt change him for anything in this world. We spoke yesterday since the argument we had led to a lot of issues, and hence me posting the thread to get some view points, and i learned that he's no longer taking blood preassure pills, and altho he is overweight, he is perfectly healthy.

This is all more of an issue with me. I've always been on the chubby side, altho if u see me you might not think im chubby, but where i live for some reason they put a lot more preassure on me, so i've spent my life worrying about my weight and always making sure i never pass that line of 60kgs. I also watched my sister lose control and go from being extremely beautiful, tall and thin: model-type, to extremely obese in which she would serve this huge bowls of pasta and eat them entirely.

So maybe i've just developed this thing against overweight ppl... because everything regarding that in my life has just been negative, and I reflected that on my love.

[LadyMarchHare]

Does he realise what the health implications are to him being overweight?
My ex was overweight and had a terrible, terrible diet. It's probably what I disliked about him the most. I would want to go to a nice restaurant and try different foods but he would only ever want burger and chips. I can kind of understand what you mean by "the only thing keeping him from being perfect is his weight", I'm thinking because it's the whole lifestyle that comes along with it, right? At least it was with me, anyway.

You know, in 5 years I couldn't even get my man to eat a bite of POTATO that had been baked or boiled. Yet he'd eat chips like there was no tomorrow. And little things like that really are such a turn off, so I can understand what you're saying.

I was always most concerned about his health. He never had any energy and as I like to think of myself as quite outdoorsy and active, we wen't a very good match as he couldn't do a lot of the things I loved doing, like surfing.

I think you need to talk things over with your guy some more. Less of a lecture at him, and more of a talk with him. I could never get it to sink in with my ex that I didn't want him to loose weight to look better, but for him to be healthier and to have a better lifestyle. Best of luck with it all anway, I think the main issue he needs to realise it the long term effects it will have on his health.

I'd only agree with the talking bit if the guy actually has a problem with what he eats. Naturally anyone whose sole diet is fatty foods, fried things, and heaping helpings of sugar needs a lifestyle change asap but if he's genetically pre-disposed to be overweight then even if he stuck to a horse's diet of oats, grass, and carrots he'd still pretty much be a big guy. My dad was only vaguely overweight, the atypical middle aged belly bulge and that's it, and he could down a half gallon of ice cream, by himself, in under an hour. Family pack of oreos? Three hours. Chips? 20 minutes. My dad was also a diabetic, so guess what killed him.

My point is don't assume just because he's big and someone wants him to lose weight that he's the one instigating his own weight problem. As long as he's working on keeping his insides healthy and not being a slob then it doesn't really matter if his stomach hangs over his pelvis or he has flab. Not saying don't lose weight as naturally that'd be ideal for everybody especially him so everyone would shut the hell up about his butt being big or whatever, but it starts from the inside out. Lord knows when I switched my eating habits it took months before I shed anything and the first stuff I lost was water weight, then some in my face and chest. It works from your head, down so it'd be a while before the gut and 'thunder thighs' became noticeably smaller.

I think right now, though, with the pressure of an oncoming wedding, the subject needs to be put aside. He's already catching flack from other people and it's making him insecure enough for the big day. Maybe after things have settled, if it's necessary to change the way he eats, how he eats, and how much of it he eats then that can be worked on.

[Jonesonaboat]

Does he realise what the health implications are to him being overweight?
My ex was overweight and had a terrible, terrible diet. It's probably what I disliked about him the most. I would want to go to a nice restaurant and try different foods but he would only ever want burger and chips. I can kind of understand what you mean by "the only thing keeping him from being perfect is his weight", I'm thinking because it's the whole lifestyle that comes along with it, right? At least it was with me, anyway.

You know, in 5 years I couldn't even get my man to eat a bite of POTATO that had been baked or boiled. Yet he'd eat chips like there was no tomorrow. And little things like that really are such a turn off, so I can understand what you're saying.

I was always most concerned about his health. He never had any energy and as I like to think of myself as quite outdoorsy and active, we wen't a very good match as he couldn't do a lot of the things I loved doing, like surfing.

I think you need to talk things over with your guy some more. Less of a lecture at him, and more of a talk with him. I could never get it to sink in with my ex that I didn't want him to loose weight to look better, but for him to be healthier and to have a better lifestyle. Best of luck with it all anway, I think the main issue he needs to realise it the long term effects it will have on his health.

[LovingHim]

According to every BMI chart I've seen, including the one in my gynocologist's office it said around 105 or 110. I also realize that BMI charts can't really be relied on, but the point still stands I'm a far cry from what is considered healthy for my height. Thank you for pointing that out though, 125 sounds more reasonable than 105.

I'm the samw height as well and weigh about 118 pounds and I feel happy like that, but 2-3 weeks ago I lost 8 pounds and I looked very skinny and didn't feel good nor healthy. But I always tell my friends not to weigh themselves, if you feel good, who cares how much you weigh?

[Tanja]

He's a wonderful guy... the only problem that keeps him from being perfect is his weight.

This really caught my attention even though maybe you didn't mean it the way you said it... But it doesn't sound good at all hun, if you love this man then you will love him for who he is inside and stop making him feel pressured about his weight.

Maybe once you're married and closed the distance you guys can start working out together and encourage each other but for now forget the weight and tell him you love him the way he is and that he already is perfect. Besides, his weight most likely affects his personality and if he was thin he could be a whole different person you wouldn't even like.

What if he lost all his weight and then started telling you that you're not gorgeous enough for him and that you need to be more pretty in order to be perfect.
Pretty devastating comment don't you think?

If he's not having health problems however, the issue is yours, not his I am afraid. If image is that big of an issue, you shouldn't be with him- it's just trying to change him to be your "ideal", and that's not right. My SO is only a half inch taller then me, and I'm pretty short, I know he has issues with it, always being the smallest guy when we're out. But I wouldn't change him for the world. I wouldn't expect him to wear loaded shoes or anything so that he looks taller XD (somehow that image made me laugh). If he has an insecure moment I just kiss the back of his neck and tell him if he was taller, I wouldn't be able to do that, so he's perfect height for me- and I wholeheartedly believe every word of that In a relationship, you are supposed to love and SUPPORT your SO through their issues. If he doesn't want to lose weight for purely image issues, then that's his choice, and your job to accept that.

Funny you mention height, because my SO is nearly 6 inches-half a foot! shorter than me. But I'm pretty tall, at 6'. Although image wise, that means we "look" kind of "strange", with me being big and tall, and him being his short and slim. It doesn't matter to me though, as he has the strength and heart to make up for all the differences physically.

[nicole]

Doctors just look at charts/books data never at irl facts. Explaining stuff like this could be even harder since they can be stuborn -insert mean names-. Lol long as it isn't life threatening and you are happy with who you are the doctors can suck it, to many people are scarily skinneh these days and THAT is very UNHEALTHY.

Over here, BMI is taken as just a vague guideline, as I think most people accept it only takes age, height and weight into account- it misses so many factors that contribute to weight, it's the most inaccurate chart created. A lot of rugby players (well built guys, HAVE to eat a healthy, balanced diet and exercise everyday to keep optimum fitness levels) are classed as overweight because that chart doesn't take into account muscle mass at all. Whilst it's a good indicator to being under/overweight, you would have thought DOCTORS of all people would see that and not treat it as gospel truth.

On to topic. I agree that your SO probably has self-esteem issues on this subject, and you need to support him through that. If he's having serious health problems from being overweight, then I'd see your concern; I know my SO has actually said if you get dangerously over-weight I WILL tell you and I'd try to help you lose weight. That stung at first but I do see his point now. I have lost a tonne of weight since we were CD last year, and he worries I'm becoming too SMALL, so I can't win lol But I know he's concerned about my health so I don't take it to heart. There are more constructive ways then nagging him to lose the weight though for that reason, especially if he's genetically pre-disposed to it. Chances are, he's probably tried to lose some weight in the past, if he's been overweight all of his life- people can be very cruel and it's easy to try to change yourself to appease the people around you if they are making you miserable for it. Maybe propose a challenge where you both try a new fitness class or something. Try find what he LIKES to do and start from there. If he's enjoying what he is doing, he's more likely to stick at it.

If he's not having health problems however, the issue is yours, not his I am afraid. If image is that big of an issue, you shouldn't be with him- it's just trying to change him to be your "ideal", and that's not right. My SO is only a half inch taller then me, and I'm pretty short, I know he has issues with it, always being the smallest guy when we're out. But I wouldn't change him for the world. I wouldn't expect him to wear loaded shoes or anything so that he looks taller XD (somehow that image made me laugh). If he has an insecure moment I just kiss the back of his neck and tell him if he was taller, I wouldn't be able to do that, so he's perfect height for me- and I wholeheartedly believe every word of that In a relationship, you are supposed to love and SUPPORT your SO through their issues. If he doesn't want to lose weight for purely image issues, then that's his choice, and your job to accept that.

[PucasKitten]

Would someone please explain to every doctor I've ever seen, this? "Okay, you're here and your ideal weight is... here." "And you propose we get to the red X on the map, how? Cuz I have a vacuum cleaner at home with decent suction..." "No, no. Diet and exercise!" "...you realize the only way I'll get diabetes is by genetics and not because I can't see my feet, right?"

Doctors just look at charts/books data never at irl facts. Explaining stuff like this could be even harder since they can be stuborn -insert mean names-. Lol long as it isn't life threatening and you are happy with who you are the doctors can suck it, to many people are scarily skinneh these days and THAT is very UNHEALTHY.

Screw BMI. I'm 6'0, and bmi says I'm at the high end of my ideal range which is 155-180 or so(I'm 179-180）. BMI doesn't care that I have back muscles that can let me row on the ergometer for an hour, legs that let me run 5 miles at a time...nah. It definitely is bull.

[LadyMarchHare]

Stress will make it worse I agree with almost everyone has said. And the BMI charts are a crock of bologna Im 5'4 and weigh anywhere from 140-150 depending on the week lol the lowest ive ever been is 135 and I am no where near overweight it all depends on body type and stuff like Rach said

Dont worry about it to much and once yall are together just focus on the health aspect never the weight or it could have opposite results~

Would someone please explain to every doctor I've ever seen, this? "Okay, you're here and your ideal weight is... here." "And you propose we get to the red X on the map, how? Cuz I have a vacuum cleaner at home with decent suction..." "No, no. Diet and exercise!" "...you realize the only way I'll get diabetes is by genetics and not because I can't see my feet, right?"

Thank you all for all the posts, they have really helped me re-think and re-evaluate my opinions on a few things.

Im 161 cms tall which i think its like 5'3" and i weigh myself almost every day and it fluctuates between 56-58 kgs which i dont really know how much it is but its somewhere between 120lbs and 130 lbs.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, btw!

thanks

[kiara_silver]

I don't think you should be so upset by this. Its the inside that matters and from your pro pic he doesn't look that over weight. If it becomes serious for your health why not suggest working out with him, its easier to work out with someone and that way you can push him in a positive way and its something you can do together. Doesn't even have to be physically together but plan to work out on the same days even maybe the same workouts and then keep a journal or log together. Maybe even have a weekly weigh in together. But over all it should be whats on the inside that matters and i he makes you happy then thats the most important thing over all.