LDR w/ someone you have yet to meet...

[Eyelids Bare]

It has been a long time (maybe 10 years) since I was in a real long distance relationship (the others were maybe a couple hours away vs half a country).

It has also been some time (though only a couple years) since I met someone online.

So I am in a very strange place, at times wrestling with how "normal" or "typical" this is these days. Because right now it seems some how, through means completely natural and despite actually making efforts to NOT get feelings and fall in love.

We both seem to have done just that.

It is all still very young and we are keeping perspective on this but it has been hard to really explain this to others.

I suppose my questions is how many people here have met someone long distance, before actually meeting them in person?

The last couple people I met online, where something similar happened, it really did not work out well at all. In fact, I suppose I have nothing but horror stories for this sort of thing. And yet, despite all that... I really do trust this girl! Mostly because neither of us were looking for this. We were just two people talking to one another. Phone pals who had known one another online off and on over years. Once a week phone calls turned into, twice a week. Evolved into three times a week... and here we are the past two months talking daily. Txting all through out the day. Often talking sundown to sun up. Etc

Anyway. Rambling just figured it could not hurt to put this out there...
Thanks for any replies - just trying to lie some insecurities to rest. Part of me is still fighting this and its causing my heart and mind to war at times.

[bluepotato1236]

I am one of them..I met him before actually meet in person..We have 14hours times difference and over 7000miles apart..To me either long or short distance, both are the same...If people said distance is the reason people break up, why people in short distance do break up too? What i believe is if both party really wants to make it work and are committed, anything is possible. It is also both of us first LDR..Now he is laying next to me, and we have rings on our fingers. We are married and living together..

All the best in your LDR..:-)

[Moon]

Although we didn't meet on the internet, our relationship started well before we met. My boyfriend and I work together, he does his thing on the European side of things, and I do it on the US side. We had to talk quite often and ended up being very friendly, which lasted a few years until we decided to start chatting outside of work sometimes. Sometimes never happened, instead we ended up doing it every day, for hours and hours, despite our 7 hour time difference. That was around April - May '09, and I flew to Helsinki for our first meeting in December, it would have been sooner, but work got super busy and we couldn't take vacation until then.

We're pretty much inseparable now, errr...except by the Atlantic ocean! Oh well, you know what I mean, inseparable in heart anyway Yep, these things really can work, and, if you check all the threads in this forum, LDR's before meeting are quite common these days. The internet and its related technologies have made the world a much smaller place, I'm older, have been married twice, and yet thanks to the modern venues of communication we have now, I met the guy I never thought I'd meet, he's simply the love of my life.

Don't be afraid, but be safe, and make sure you check everything out thoroughly. Good luck in your new LDR!

[Sora1101]

I met my SO online and honestly we couldn't be happier, we even tend to 'out couple' most of the CDR's that my friends have, you really shouldn't let those horror stories scare you away because as you'll find on this site most of us have met our SO's online and I know there are a few of them who now live happily ever after together, you just hafta have some faith in your relationship and everything will fall right into place. ^^

[LadyMarchHare]

I knew my SO 7 years before I began dating him, however the entire time we had only had contact online. I didn't even talk on the phone with him until maybe 2-3 weeks after we began dating despite two years before then he offered to give me his number since the rest of our mutual online friends had it.

With any relationship you run a risk, some online relationships can go great some can be something you end up needing a therapist over, but it's the same with close distance relationships. To me, meeting and dating someone online is normal. Some people may not agree with using that method but as someone mentioned you don't really ever need to be looking for love to find it. There are drawbacks, but what in life doesn't have drawbacks? Society is becoming more about the virtual world and if people can boast on TV that they met their soulmate on a dating site, why can't we boast we met them online too?

[JEREIANEDREI]

I am one of them..I met him before actually meet in person..We have 14hours times difference and over 7000miles apart..To me either long or short distance, both are the same...If people said distance is the reason people break up, why people in short distance do break up too? What i believe is if both party really wants to make it work and are committed, anything is possible. It is also both of us first LDR..Now he is laying next to me, and we have rings on our fingers. We are married and living together..
All the best in your LDR..:-)

yah right...i totally agree with you!....it doesnt matter how near or far...As the saying goes Love knows no distance...even CDR ended up with nothing...it depends on how you will handle the relationship,,and how strong your faith and LOVE TO EACH OTHER...

[Silviar]

Quite a few of us started as LDR, met online, then met. I met my SO online, and we dated for almost 2 years long distance before we closed the distance this month. Here's a good poll we have going:

https://members.lovingfromadistance....-SO-Who-Hasn-t

Feel free to add yourself to it.

[Sierra]

My boyfriend and I met online in 2008. I had feelings for him starting in 2009, and he expressed having feelings for me in 2010. I refused to say we were in a relationship until we met in person.

Online you can shape anyone into anything you want them to be, it's important to meet in person and see if the feelings are the same. In the year I had feelings for him, I went on a two dates, both of which I came home and cried because I wanted my now boyfriend so badly. Now that we've met, we are officially dating.

[kiara_silver]

Met my SO online, we still haven't met yet but our 2 year anniversary is in about 2 weeks, and we've remained strong. Were going to meet this june, and sure its been hard and a struggle, but if the two people in the relationship are sincere and truly love each other then it will all work out. He may drive me nuts but i love him with all my heart. So its up to you weather or not your ready for a LDR, but it can so be worth it.

[BlueCat]

The last couple people I met online, where something similar happened, it really did not work out well at all. In fact, I suppose I have nothing but horror stories for this sort of thing. And yet, despite all that... I really do trust this girl! Mostly because neither of us were looking for this. We were just two people talking to one another. Phone pals who had known one another online off and on over years. Once a week phone calls turned into, twice a week. Evolved into three times a week... and here we are the past two months talking daily. Txting all through out the day. Often talking sundown to sun up. Etc

I honestly don't think you have anything to be worried about. As long as you know what you're in for (LDR-wise) which it seems you are as you've been in one before, I think you're right. My b/f and I (who I met online) decided to be together before we met. It just made sense that as long as we were going to give it a go, we may as well be true to each other while we worked out how to meet up. We were 'together' online for almost a year and a half before we got to meet and it worked out really well for us. We'd had plenty of talking on msn, and video calls on skype before then.

I think you're in a good place though, especially since as you said, neither of you were looking, you're just two people who happened to enjoy talking to each other. That's exactly how it happened to me too, and I honestly think that it's the best way. There's no expectations, no anything, just two people getting to know each other.

[Sierra]

See, I don't believe people can actually be 'together' until they have met in person. While you may have spent all this time getting to know them there's still so much that you actually have to learn about each other.

When you meet someone online they could be anything they have decided they want to be, you can hide your bad sides, you can't see personal mannerisms.

I'm not saying the connection might not be real, but you never know the truth until you meet in person.
I was totally committed to my boyfriend before we were together, for a year, but I couldn't actually make a commitment to be his 'girlfriend' until we met in person. We just might not have been what the other expected.

To be honest, I feel like we're lucky we were.

[BlueCat]

^That's just the thing, we were committed to each other before we met, but there was always the understanding between us that it may not work out when we did meet. Between the two of us he was my b/f, but until we met, I didn't refer to him that way to my family etc. It was more of an understanding that we were going to give it a go, and we don't have an interest in anyone else until we can figure out if this is going to work or not.

[NaNi]

My SO and I met online. She was 12 hours ahead of me, but we were in contact every single day. Chatting, emaling and Skyping. She also lives 11,500 miles away from me, but we wanted to give it a try. We were also officially together before we met for the first time. Then, after almost 5 months, we decided that we had to meet each other. The communication has died down now a bit though. We still email each other every day, but we only talk once a week. If we have time.

[Sano]

I think it might be more common than uncommon XD It happened to me. Im actually supposed to be meeting my SO for our first anniversary in August. >.< Im just praying I dont get overly excited and vomit on his shoes lmao

[13000km]

See, I don't believe people can actually be 'together' until they have met in person. While you may have spent all this time getting to know them there's still so much that you actually have to learn about each other.

When you meet someone online they could be anything they have decided they want to be, you can hide your bad sides, you can't see personal mannerisms.

I'm not saying the connection might not be real, but you never know the truth until you meet in person.
I was totally committed to my boyfriend before we were together, for a year, but I couldn't actually make a commitment to be his 'girlfriend' until we met in person. We just might not have been what the other expected.

To be honest, I feel like we're lucky we were.

I was in the same situation. I met my boyfriend online, and we had very strong feelings for one another. We weren't seeing anyone else but was still holding back on labeling the relationship because we weren't comfortable with the fact that we have not physically met. We finally got that chance after about a year.