Leaving or being left - which is worse?

[squeeker]

Although I've only ever been the one to leave.. I voted that being left behind would be worse.. I can see how it would be because when I have to leave my SO, as hard as it is, I have all the distractions from the moment I leave (getting into the taxi, going to the airport, ride home).. I can't show my emotions.. I hate it because it feels so wrong to be leaving him, and I have this urge to tell the taxi/plane/whatever to take me back... but I know I can't do that because my family and work are expecting me back in Canada soon.. and so the whole journey back home I'm quiet.. almost to the point of being emotional but holding it together.. and then when I get back to Canada, there is everyone asking how my trip was..and I have to spend a bit of time talking to them, when all I want to do is log back onto the internet to talk to him again to see how he's doing and let my emotions free. It's annoying too.. because I think it's happened at least 2 of the times when I've left and had to return to Canada, my laptop was off so long it took awhile to startup.. so it made it even more frustrating and I think the tears started coming. And then the first night I have to sleep, it's hard too. Though I imagine it's harder to sleep when you know just a day or so ago, you weren't alone in that same bed.

So, I voted being the one left behind as worse because from moment one, you are left with your emotions, and there are all the things around you that are memories of the one that left and the smell lingering in the air, the empty spot on the bed, little things left behind for next time... I think about how things my SO has said and then also imagine one day when he comes to visit, how it'll be and I can see how much harder it would be.. because when he will visit me, it is more like he will be in my "life/world" now and then when he'd have to leave, it would be much harder to return to normal living.. I remember when I have to leave my SO, he always tells me after it's like somethings missing when he walks back into the house.. I don't know how I'll handle it..

[weetzie]

Leaving is more difficult for me because I have to go somewhere and walk away, and go on a plane, etc. Being left is easier because it's just a kiss goodbye and I wait in my car while I drop him off at the airport, and then life goes back to being normal.

[garnet]

I've finally done some leaving, and I can say it is so much easier to leave than to be left. Both are hard, but they hardly even walk the same pain scale though.

[MissButterfly]

I have never had to leave, as the first and only time I visited him and his family he came home with me afterwards and we closed the distance. But being left behind was terrible. It was also very hard to see him walk away from me to the gate while crying, and when we first got to skype again after that he looked so miserable... So I guess there is no 'better thing' for us at least.

[eveningsky]

This is a really difficult choice. I automatically voted being left behind because that's been true for all my relationships aside from the one with my SO. Growing up, I was always left behind. My parents have never moved during my lifetime and anyone I got close to happened to move far away.
However, when I really think about it...leaving is more difficult. I never want to leave and come back here. I love to travel and I love to be elsewhere. Leaving a place I'd rather live for one I'm sick of is one of the hardest things to do. When you're being left, you can cry and hold on the people around you (family or friends) but when you leave, you have nothing but a lonely airport. I personally don't like crying in public so I can't let it out until I get home and it's torture. I don't like to talk to the random strangers on planes about depressing things (because no one wants some random stranger to sit by them and open their heart up about how much their life sucks. I talk to them excitedly on my way there but only talk about them on the way back). Leaving is definitely hardest with my SO because the flights and layovers take so long and they're so lonely. Plus, I'm leaving a place I'd rather be to go back to a place I'm tired of. Not to mention leaving my SO.

[Decrepit]

Being left behind, BY FAR
Ive been through both and being left behind is harder.
Especially if you were CD then LDR and your SO left. So many memories left behinds and they can hurt when you go to areas where they took place

[Chris516]

So until today I've always been the one leaving my SO behind, having been the one visiting him.

Today he left after a 2 week visit, I'm still trying to work out which is worse.

Thoughts and opinions?

For me, it is leaving.

[Moon]

For me, being left behind has been much worse, when I leave, I go home to a bed that doesn't smell like him, I don't have to look at the coffee cup he just used, or any of the junk he left lying around. I go home to my kid and my dogs and my life. Having been on both sides of the fence, I'll take being the one to leave any day.

[XxFranticLovexX]

I've only ever been the one to leave and it sucks leaving him there while feeling like I'm choosing to leave, but I still think that it would be worse to be left behind. Yes, it hurts having to leave and knowing that you won't see them again for a while, but you have the whole trip back home to keep you distracted. For the person that's left behind, they have the house that you were both just in together, they have the memories of the visit staring them in the face no matter what they do, they have the little things that you may have left around the house, and they have that empty bed to go back to at night that they were just sharing with someone else the night before. You have to readjust to being there alone to keep yourself from looking for that person in the house or turning around to tell them something only to re-realize that they aren't there. So yes, leaving is hard and you still want to cry the whole time, but being left seems like it would be so much harder.