Anyone else get concerned when your SO doesn't contact you when you thought he would?

[Crimson_Petal]

So a bit of a back story; I told him on Sunday that I love him, I think it's fair to assume that he was really quite shocked (it took him 13 minutes to reply on IM and I genuinely thought he'd had a heart attack) and then we had a conversation about our concerns about actually having a LDR as we hadn't exactly made anything offical. He told me about how worried he was about falling in love with a girl 12 thousand miles away and that the way he was hurt with his ex has generally left him quite wary of relationships in general. She cheated on him and on their anniversary didn't show up to a date instead texting him that she was back with her ex boyfriend and that's just how it is.
He told me that when that relationship ended he was borderline suicidal and if he didn't have to work to support his family then he probably wouldn't be alive today. He'd never told anyone that before and I did feel very privileged that he'd told me. He said that he didn't feel that way now and he was glad that he was getting it out. Then we had to turn the computer off, it was past 3am here and he needed to go to work but said that he would be back later that night (his time) and that he was ok.
Well, it's been two days, and I'm not going to lie I am slightly freaking out. The rationalist in me is saying that his computer, which is the source of ENDLESS problems, has gone cookoo and stopped working again. But then there's a part of me that's like I freaked him out so much he's got hit by a car or something..
So yeah, I'm sure now that I've written this I'll hear from him within the hour (it's just sod's law) but I wanted to know if anyone else goes through the same thing?
Thanks for reading

[Engel]

one time my boyfriend went to visit his uncle and forgot his cellphone at home. we were still long distance. he said he would call me when he went back home, and he didnt. i thought something awful happened in the road. that he had died. but the thing is, his car kind of broke in the road. he had to go to a public phone to call his uncle, that happens to know how to fix cars, and the uncle went to rescue him, that was like 3- minutes away from the uncles house. without internet.
he was there for 2 days., i called his cellphone, and he never answered
sent emails. etc

until i called his house. i didnt speak any german at the time. or really really few. i talked with his mom, asking where he was. i remembre i understood something like uncles house, or cousins house. i felt better
she had my number written down, so she called my boy in the uncles house and gave it to him, so he called me explaining what happened.

i cried a looot before i finally spoke to him.



i dont know if i made myself clear or just confused you even more, but yeah, you are not the only one. lol

---------- Post added at 01:09 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:09 PM ----------

one time my boyfriend went to visit his uncle and forgot his cellphone at home. we were still long distance. he said he would call me when he went back home, and he didnt. i thought something awful happened in the road. that he had died. but the thing is, his car kind of broke in the road. he had to go to a public phone to call his uncle, that happens to know how to fix cars, and the uncle went to rescue him, that was like 3- minutes away from the uncles house. without internet.
he was there for 2 days., i called his cellphone, and he never answered
sent emails. etc

until i called his house. i didnt speak any german at the time. or really really few. i talked with his mom, asking where he was. i remembre i understood something like uncles house, or cousins house. i felt better
she had my number written down, so she called my boy in the uncles house and gave it to him, so he called me explaining what happened.

i cried a looot before i finally spoke to him.



i dont know if i made myself clear or just confused you even more, but yeah, you are not the only one. lol

[Mara]

I think this happens to my boyfriend and I fairly a lot. Our main means of communication is by cellphone and my phone is always having some type of problem and so is his. He'll text me and I won't get it for ages or I'll accidentally leave my phone somewhere or he'll accidentally leave his somewhere. He also has car issues so this always kinda leaves me freaking out because I worry something has happened to him.

I'm sure your SO is fine and it's probably just his computer or something.

I know how hard it is though being apart from your SO and not having any idea where he is, what happened, and if he's okay.

I hope you hear from him soon if you haven't already.

[Micah]

I don't get concerned anymore. My SO has a job where he can be involved in something important and confidential and I don't hear from him for a little while. I used to get concerned, but I have learned how he operates by now.

But in your case... maybe your SO is trying to process the whole "I love you" thing. He already mentioned he was hurt badly in the past, so love can be scary for him. Sometimes when relationships get taken to the next level, a guy steps back for a little while and then he comes back and the relationship is stronger. If you read the book "Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus" they have this part about the rubber band effect. Men pull away to fulfill their need for independence or autonomy. When he feels fully stretched, in other words when he feels fully separated, then he will begin to feel his need for love and intimacy again and he’ll spring back. You may not believe in that sort of thing or agree with the book at all, but my SO does it after about every visit. He needs a little space and then he comes back and we seem stronger than ever. That book very much applied to my relationship, but I know it's not a cure all for all relationships.

[ClipitsWings]

Mmm, sure. Once he was saying things about having pain and being vague about hospital visits, he'd posted some status about it on facebook, then deleted his facebook for the nth time. i was pretty worried, but tried my best not to freak out, emailed him, and after way too long of a time i got one back. i don't know exactly what happened, but he ended up with a pacemaker. it was an absolutely horrifying notion that he could've died, and i was promptly clinging (or as close as possible on the internet) to him.
i try not to worry to hard because i tend to be anxiety ridden all on my own in life, but there's always that little bit of me ready to freak out if anything ever hurts him

BUT, in your case, i'd just focus on it being computer troubles because there doesn't seem to be any signs for anything worse. everything will be well

[threecheers9980]

I do. I try my best not to let my worries get the best of me though. But I will admit that sometimes they do, lol. Fortunately my SO is pretty good at contacting me when he says he will.

[Crimson_Petal]

Okay, so four days...That's the longest we've not talked to. Although, I at least know he's alive as I can tell on his profile that he did come online this morning. So yeah, I'm going to go be sad and eat sushi...Thanks for all the replies.

[Engel]

Okay, so four days...That's the longest we've not talked to. Although, I at least know he's alive as I can tell on his profile that he did come online this morning. So yeah, I'm going to go be sad and eat sushi...Thanks for all the replies.

you know for a fact he got online and didnt contact you? :/

im sorry. *hugs*

[Crimson_Petal]

Yeah the main form of contact we use shows when the person was most recently online. He came on once yesterday and again today (both at times I'm asleep). I actually sent him an email yesterday just to say that I hope he's ok and that I was sorry if I freaked him out and hopefully we can talk soon. I know he's read it (my email comes up with a tick or cross if it's been read/unread) so now I don't really know what to think about it all. I'd forgotten that he's actually moving to his own flat on Saturday so he could be getting stuff ready for that, but he must know that I'd be at least a little upset if I tell him I love him and then he disappears on me for 4 days. I'm trying to be positive but I it's such a tricky situation that it's really quite hard.

[Crimson_Petal]

Yeah the main form of contact we use shows when the person was most recently online. He came on once yesterday and again today (both at times I'm asleep). I actually sent him an email yesterday just to say that I hope he's ok and that I was sorry if I freaked him out and hopefully we can talk soon. I know he's read it (my email comes up with a tick or cross if it's been read/unread) so now I don't really know what to think about it all. I'd forgotten that he's actually moving to his own flat on Saturday so he could be getting stuff ready for that, but he must know that I'd be at least a little upset if I tell him I love him and then he disappears on me for 4 days. I'm trying to be positive but I it's such a tricky situation that it's really quite hard.

[Sano]

I know how you feel. My bf and I have been texting alot more than actually talking (which I kind of hate because he doesn't notice his text messages as quickly as I do.) So I'll send him a text at like 2pm and he answers it at like 7pm when Im in class and then Ill reply to him at 9 when I get home and then he'll text me back at like midnight when Im asleep. Sometime it doesn't bother me because I know he has things to do and I work full time and go to school partime and then have a cello lesson here or there during the week but there are sometimes when I really miss hearing his voice and then unfortunately I get ... needy and then I'll either send sad messages or get kind of distant (which is really illogical XD)

[Crimson_Petal]

Okay, just an update. He has FINALLY emailed me back. Apparently it was a mix of being busy with work and the move to his new flat and trying to get his head together about certain things. I don't know when we'll be able to talk properly because it'll probably take a few days just to settle in to his new digs but I feel a whole lot better now with him emailing me. SO hopefully for now, crisis averted. Again thanks for all of the replies

[Engel]

Okay, just an update. He has FINALLY emailed me back. Apparently it was a mix of being busy with work and the move to his new flat and trying to get his head together about certain things. I don't know when we'll be able to talk properly because it'll probably take a few days just to settle in to his new digs but I feel a whole lot better now with him emailing me. SO hopefully for now, crisis averted. Again thanks for all of the replies

I hope is all ok, im glad he answered. and make him know is not ok to disappear like this for days without explanation. he can send an email to say he was alive. im happy for you but i still think he lacked consideration doing this. hope it all gets better.
xo

[theyellowdart]

I am dealing with a lot of stress and emotional issues this week actually due to this kind of situation.. It's a long story, so here's some wall of text for you all..

when I visited my girlfriend last month, she had received a text message while I was there from a guy friend with flight details. She told me (I didn't ask, she willingly gave the information) that it was a guy friend from Nebraska where she used to be stationed, and that he was flying into the area to visit family and she was going to pick him up from the airport. Well, a couple of weeks later when I am back at home and its the night before he fly's in I ask her what time she has to pick him up. She tells me that he is now bringing his girlfriend, and they are staying at her place for the weekend and than going to his families (my girlfriend lives with her aunt and uncle).

Anyway, she picks them up from the airport, goes home, and goes directly to bed. Doesn't send me a text message or anything.. I lose a lot of sleep over it.. we normally always say good morning right when we wake up, and good night when we go to bed.. The weekend that they are there, that is basically ALL I am getting.. goodnight and good morning. I am used to having a lot more communication than this with her, so to be suddenly shut off feels very hurtful.

So Sunday night comes along and I ask her when they are going to their families, and she tells me that her Aunt had invited them to stay there the duration of the trip.. So for the rest of the week, all I am getting is good mornings and good nights.. They were supposed to be leaving on Thursday, so I kind of just kept it to myself and wait it out.. Well come Thursday, they decide that they are leaving on Monday instead (tomorrow.. apparently the guys uncle is a VIP with southwest and can change his tickets like this.. I dunno how true that is, I've never really heard of it).. So I talk to her about it, and tell her that it kind of has me uncomfortable and that I'm not used to this.. and that I miss her, and all that.. She appologises for being less attentive, and I get it, I really do, she has friends visiting, along with her having to work and what not, and she doesn't want to be rude to them.. but I know that she could find a couple more minutes out of the day to text.. so I ask her to and she says she will..

and she has, it hasn't been much more but she has.. shes even gotten on World of Warcraft a couple of times for about an hour each to play with me.. which has really helped..but its still a lot less than normal, and she appears to be a little more distant with how shes talking to me.. but, I don't know if she actually is, or if its just my mind and my insecurities playing tricks on me.. or, it could be a combination of the two I suppose.. Anyway, last night after she gets home from dinner she was supposed to get online and hangout with me some.. she text me saying shes tired and going to take a couple hour nap, and is all very sweet about it (it really made my night.. she was going to only take a couple hour nap and than stay up the rest of the night because shes working overnight shifts for the next couple of days.. and wanted to prepare for that).. anyway, she overslept, and didn't end up waking up until this morning.. we talked for a couple of minutes and she asked me what was wrong.. I told her it was kind of starting to feel like she doesn't want to talk to me.. she said she loved me, and we'd talk later, because she was running to the store.. a couple of minutes later, she texted a couple of times (just normal chit chat, like nothing was wrong) and I apologised because I felt like I was being difficult.. she said "its okay <3" and I haven't heard from her since (that was about an hour and a half ago)..

I feel like I am being completely unreasonable.. I don't know what to do to control my feelings but I miss her a lot. I feel like I may even be pushing her away a little bit even though shes not really showing any signs that I am (other than the lack of talking.. but that's probably due to her friends being in town). I blame a lot of this on my ex.. I was married for a few years, and while I was away for work, she had some guy friend that would keep coming into town and hangout with her.. well it turned out to be more than hanging out.. I don't think my girlfriend would do this, shes a very good person and very smart.. I think she would leave me sooner than cheat on me. But I don't know, my insecurities still build up and I am left being miserable.. i've even been hanging out with friends a lot this week, barely being home, and it still plagues me.

At least they leave tomorrow afternoon. I can only hope things get a little better then.

[jlb14]

My boyfriend puts his cell phone down and an hour later remembers we were talking. It's a guy thing I think. Haha.