Trying out LD premarital counseling
(I haven't posted here in months, so a quick summary for my LDR is: 3+ years and going strong, I live in the west coast of the US, and my fiance (J) lives in Nova Scotia, CA.)
So, J and I have had an extremely frustrating time trying to find him a job out where I live. Unfortunately, unemployment is still at the point where there are plenty of qualified people needing the jobs in the area, so why hire somebody from Canada and deal with all of the visa hoops? We're having to face the reality that we will probably have to take the fiance/spousal visa routes to get him over here legally. This was not what I was hoping for.
The thing is, I've already been married once, and obviously it didn't turn out very well. I know all too well what can happen when two people who get along well when they live apart, suddenly find themselves face to face with this person each and every day under the same roof. What if we can't deal with each other's habits? What if we just can't make it work SD, and J has packed up, moved away from everything he knows, and spent outrageous amounts of money on a wedding, immigration, moving, etc...all for nothing?
The compromise, said I, is counseling, so we can at least create a stronger foundation for handling these potential troubles if/when they arise. We took to the 'net in search of somebody who was willing to delve into our wackadoo brains...or use Skype, at least. It was a bit of a challenge trying to find somebody due to our time difference and the fact that we can't take time off of work, but we found an accredited counselor who offers Skype as well as in-person couples counseling, so we had our first session last weekend.
It was not at all what we had expected. The first session focused on learning about our toxic behavior patterns, and finding the root of the behavior so we can break the patterns. The counselor also brushed on fighting styles. I was told crossbows were not acceptable. >.< Seriously though, he mentioned that with couples, one tends to be the extrovert (who pushes the issue) and one tends to be the introvert (who will only take so much before shutting down.) Since J is definitely the introvert in our relationship, he taught J some methods of taking time away to process the fight issues, without pushing me away and causing doom.
So, only three hours into counseling and I feel we've both learned quite a bit. Our next session will probably be the weekend after next. We've been instructed to separately come up with a list of some concerns we have about our relationship. We will see how it goes from here.
So I'm curious, has anybody else tried, or considered trying couples counseling?
Otherwise, our relationship is going well, though we've pushed the wedding off to 2013. Ack!!! We've already waited three years, what's two more, I suppose...
So, J and I have had an extremely frustrating time trying to find him a job out where I live. Unfortunately, unemployment is still at the point where there are plenty of qualified people needing the jobs in the area, so why hire somebody from Canada and deal with all of the visa hoops? We're having to face the reality that we will probably have to take the fiance/spousal visa routes to get him over here legally. This was not what I was hoping for.
The thing is, I've already been married once, and obviously it didn't turn out very well. I know all too well what can happen when two people who get along well when they live apart, suddenly find themselves face to face with this person each and every day under the same roof. What if we can't deal with each other's habits? What if we just can't make it work SD, and J has packed up, moved away from everything he knows, and spent outrageous amounts of money on a wedding, immigration, moving, etc...all for nothing?
The compromise, said I, is counseling, so we can at least create a stronger foundation for handling these potential troubles if/when they arise. We took to the 'net in search of somebody who was willing to delve into our wackadoo brains...or use Skype, at least. It was a bit of a challenge trying to find somebody due to our time difference and the fact that we can't take time off of work, but we found an accredited counselor who offers Skype as well as in-person couples counseling, so we had our first session last weekend.
It was not at all what we had expected. The first session focused on learning about our toxic behavior patterns, and finding the root of the behavior so we can break the patterns. The counselor also brushed on fighting styles. I was told crossbows were not acceptable. >.< Seriously though, he mentioned that with couples, one tends to be the extrovert (who pushes the issue) and one tends to be the introvert (who will only take so much before shutting down.) Since J is definitely the introvert in our relationship, he taught J some methods of taking time away to process the fight issues, without pushing me away and causing doom.
So, only three hours into counseling and I feel we've both learned quite a bit. Our next session will probably be the weekend after next. We've been instructed to separately come up with a list of some concerns we have about our relationship. We will see how it goes from here.
So I'm curious, has anybody else tried, or considered trying couples counseling?
Otherwise, our relationship is going well, though we've pushed the wedding off to 2013. Ack!!! We've already waited three years, what's two more, I suppose...
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