Dating and Intimacy

[Hollis]

It's more a matter of how comfortable you are around your SO and not just a statistic, like "Ok, we'll have 5 dates first and if everything is going well, then hell yeah, we'll get intimate.". But even if there are persons who have this kind of...scheduling (can we call it so? lol), somehow in LDRs rules/habits/etc. don't work the same way. Considering you talk a LOT before meeting face to face, and you get to know each other very well, when you finally meet everything follows a smooth path.

I kind of disagree with the whole 'if it feels right'. There are a LOT of things that feel good to do and you have no regrets at the moment but that doesn't mean it's just totally fine to go ahead and do. Kissing and other such activities aren't really a big deal, of course. But when you're having sexual intercourse it becomes a different matter. Like it or not, there is a chance you can become pregnant when you have intercourse. There is no 100% certainty you won't and I've known my fair share of people that had a pregnancy shocker when they were using multiple means of contraceptive. To me, that risk is worth waiting for until I have a stale close-distance relationship and am ready. I think choosing otherwise is rash and ignorant.

[books]

We were about two weeks into the "talking" stage when he suddenly grabbed me & kissed me one night. I can't say we had the whole first kiss magic b/c I initially pulled away. We kid about it now tho...

As far as sex goes, once we started getting more comfortable with each, we moved pretty fast. I'd say about 3 weeks after that first kiss, we slept together. It was my first time having sex in 5 years (really!), so I let him know beforehand to gauge his reaction...he was a little surprised but very cool about it. I was of course nervous after being celibate for so long, but he was a sweetheart and didn't push anything on me. Sex does tend to bring your relationship to a whole nother level, so for me it was really about deciding that he was someone I was ready to get serious with. If he wasn't in that category, I wouldn't have got that intimate that quick.

[Minerva]

I kind of disagree with the whole 'if it feels right'. There are a LOT of things that feel good to do and you have no regrets at the moment but that doesn't mean it's just totally fine to go ahead and do. Kissing and other such activities aren't really a big deal, of course. But when you're having sexual intercourse it becomes a different matter. Like it or not, there is a chance you can become pregnant when you have intercourse. There is no 100% certainty you won't and I've known my fair share of people that had a pregnancy shocker when they were using multiple means of contraceptive. To me, that risk is worth waiting for until I have a stale close-distance relationship and am ready. I think choosing otherwise is rash and ignorant.

Due to both my SO and I having children from previous relationships, there's a good chance we might not be able to close the distance for 9 years. 9 years. There's no way I'm going to be abstinent for 9 years from the man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. We'll take precautions, and we'll accept the infinitesimal risk of pregnancy. And if against all odds pregnancy does happen, we'll cross that bridge.

Most healthy relationships include sex. I think it's a bit judgmental to call people ignorant if they don't abstain from a full and loving sexlife just because the circumstances wouldn't be ideal if a child was conceived. There are a lot of reasons people shouldn't have children. That doesn't mean they shouldn't have sex.

[Jkrose76]

Due to both my SO and I having children from previous relationships, there's a good chance we might not be able to close the distance for 9 years. 9 years. There's no way I'm going to be abstinent for 9 years from the man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. We'll take precautions, and we'll accept the infinitesimal risk of pregnancy. And if against all odds pregnancy does happen, we'll cross that bridge.

Most healthy relationships include sex. I think it's a bit judgmental to call people ignorant if they don't abstain from a full and loving sexlife just because the circumstances wouldn't be ideal if a child was conceived. There are a lot of reasons people shouldn't have children. That doesn't mean they shouldn't have sex.

I completely agree. Its been a looong time since I had sex or was really intimate with someone so honestly I would have to agree with the many people here when I say it depends on how I feel and when I am comfortable with that person. I am not the type of woman who just jumps into bed with anyone "just because" I have turned down offers on previous dates lol..but given how I am feeling right now I know I wouldn't want to wait till we were physically together to be intimate or have sex. I think its important to take your relationship to that level if you both want that.

Jennifer