What would you tell him?

[Rugger]

I was just looking for a little advice from those of you who have been in similar situations.

One of the lifeguards I work with invited me to a hotel party this weekend. We'd all be staying in a hotel room and drinking together. Another one of the guests is a guy I had a summer fling with two years ago before I met my SO. I'm not sure how to feel about this. On one hand, I never had feelings for this guy. It was just sex and meant nothing. On the other hand, If my guy were in the same situation, I'd want to be told because it would make me upset if I found out later.

SO I'm debating telling him and how to tell him about it. I don't know how comfortable he would be with me staying in a hotel room, after drinking with a guy I used to sleep with. Also, how would you word that part? I asked mt male best friend ( who is going to the party as well) if I should tell my SO that a guy I used to see was going, but he said it would be better if I phrased it as a guy I used to sleep with. Saying it like that makes me feel super grimy ( because I'm a lot more experianced than my SO and he doesn't know my number)

Help please!

[Joyce:)]

I went out several times for coffee with a boy i had had strong feelings for, i've gone to parties and bars with an ex, and i always told my boyfriend before hand. I asked him if it was fine with him, reminding him i'd be good and that i love only him, but that these people are still friends of mine and that i care for them.
He was understanding, he trusts me, and i'm sure your SO has no reason to say no to you

[kaitycat]

I agree with Joyce. Although I don't usually ask my SO for permission to hang out with people, if I am going to make plans to see an ex for lunch/coffee or anything I always "check" with my guy before hand. I think the best way to approach this is to say something like "I'm planning on going to a hotel party with some friends next week, and I found out through mutual friends a guy I had a fling with will be there. Is this something that would bother you? If so I'm open to talking about it" Never once after approaching it in such a way has my SO been worried or upset.

[knhdarw]

I'm kinda in your BF's situation But he's always up front with me and my BF is WAAAAY more experienced then me but i trust him completely i know he's faithful to me even if he's in a room full of chicks he ust to be with. I think your BF would understand and be thankful your up front with him, i'm thankful when my SO tells me whose he's chillin with but he calls me b4 he goes to sleep just to tell me he misses me and is thinking about me every time he goes out or goes and chils @ his best friends apartment. But only you know ur bf i think you should talk to him in a way that would bennifit you both and show him that just because your going to a hotel doesnt mean you dont love him or wanna be with him. Or that your gonna cheat just means you wanna chill. So best of luck

[Rugger]

Thanks. I'm just a littler nervous because we've never really encountered this before. I deal with summer fling guy on the regular basis because he works with me and I try to avoid him as much as I am able.

I just don't want to sound like a hoe

[lucybelle]

Hmm, honestly if I were you I'd not stay at the hotel. Is there a way you can go to the party and then just leave? Not stay and drink? I'd feel uncomfortable if my SO was doing that OR if I were going to that party. I recently had to tell my old fling that he couldn't come to my party. We're still friends but it would be awkward. Sometimes you have to make tough decisions like that for the best.

[Caitlin2009]

just tell him the truth about where your going and why, and then tell him something like "alright i had sex with this guy but please understand i dont plan on having sex with him as im with you and i wouldnt do that, i hope you would trust me the same way i trust you" something like that, expect him to be pissy because he probably will be but i believe he'll understand

[bluishskin]

Hmm, honestly if I were you I'd not stay at the hotel. Is there a way you can go to the party and then just leave? Not stay and drink? I'd feel uncomfortable if my SO was doing that OR if I were going to that party. I recently had to tell my old fling that he couldn't come to my party. We're still friends but it would be awkward. Sometimes you have to make tough decisions like that for the best.

I agree with this. For me personally it also depends on how serious we are in our relationship. I mean, are we heading towards commitment like marriage or perhaps not yet? Since I'm in a serious relationship with my SO and we are aiming for marriage, I don't think I will be comfortable attending such a party, especially when it includes meeting a fling and drinking with him. Even if I did attend the party, I wouldn't stay long.

[Rugger]

I agree with this. For me personally it also depends on how serious we are in our relationship. I mean, are we heading towards commitment like marriage or perhaps not yet? Since I'm in a serious relationship with my SO and we are aiming for marriage, I don't think I will be comfortable attending such a party, especially when it includes meeting a fling and drinking with him. Even if I did attend the party, I wouldn't stay long.

We are serious. We're working towards closing the distance and living with each other as soon as he gets a job.

I talked to him about it and explained. I asked him if he'd be uncomfortable if I went. He said "I guess not. I trust you". I got his okay to go, the only thing is my own uncomfortableness. I know for a fact nothing would happen (and my best friend is going to be there as well) and if fling boy tried anything, he'd get punched in the nuts.

I can't really go and NOT drink because it's a drinking party. There are only going to be 10 or so people there for the express purpose of drinking and not having to drive home.