Ignore him back?

[Mistakesinpen]

Hi all.
So hes doing it again. The whole can't get ahold of him at all thing. We have played this game about three or four times now, where everything will be completely fine for weeks, and then out of the blue he is not texting me back, not calling me, and if I get lucky enought to catch him online on Im he seems really tense and weird. in the past I have just kept trying to text him as I normally would, and it would get to the point that I would get really frustrated and text him something like. " Are we really ignoring me again? You can but you dont.. " just really mean. Normally he would end up texting me again, and then things will be okay. Hell appologise, and then like on sunday, this will happen all over again. Ive been thinking maybe just not texting him at all would have a bigger impact. I dont want to break up with him at all. But i was just wondering, if theres any guys out there, do you think that would get my point across better. Im not asking for a whole lot but a text every now and then just saying hi, would be better than what hes doing now.
If your SO did this to yo what would you do?
Thanks

[snow_girl]

Have you asked him why he does it? You should probably talk to him about it if you haven't. Seems like a childish game to play. I wouldn't waste your time texting him with loads of text if you know he won't respond though. Maybe just something like 'when you decide to grow up message me' and leave it at that but then again, it depends why he does it.

[Mistakesinpen]

I have no idea why he does it. I have asked him a few times before when I do catch him on Im If he maybe got upset with me or something, but he is always saying thats nothings wrong. Last time he did this, he said It was because of the hours of his job and such, because he worked from 3 to midnight. But he lost that job, and has the time. I know hes getting my texts, but its like he just doesnt care. Im almost afraid to text something like that, because I dont know. Im afraid of losing him. If he gets mad, It would be over in a minute . I really wish he would just grow up and actually talk to me than just ignore me for a week and pretend everything is okay later on. I dont get why he does this.

[snow_girl]

If a text like that could end the relationship then there are far more deeper issues you both need to deal with. You should have to tip toe around him not knowing what to say. Try talking to him when he isn't in this mood, wait till you are both in a good place to bring it up and tell him how it makes you feel. Communication is key!

[nic&matt]

I completely agree with snow-girl. You need to understand and have him communicate why he does it first before getting upset and tense. He might not talk to you when he's stressed because he doesn't want to worry you. He might not talk when he's sad and missing you because he feels like a burden. The list can go on and on. For all you know, he might have just forgotten his phone for the day. I can't count on one hand how many times I've done that to my SO on accident. When you guys are talking, you need to pull it out of him gently. He obviously doesn't want to tell you but just be comforting and reassuring to him. You'd be surprised how far that can go.

[Mistakesinpen]

Thanks guys. He actually just text me, saying hes sorry.. well see how this goes.

[Mistakesinpen]

Hes basically saying that when he gets upset, or it gets hard being far apart, he doesnt text me. I dont know how to deal with that. I mean when things get hard, I want to talk to him. Talking things out always makes me feel a million times better. When we were together he always made me talk with him when I was upset nad now he cant talk to me? That is really confusing. I mean I kindia understand it, but how do I make him see my side?

[Yaaamiii]

Im afraid of losing him. If he gets mad, It would be over in a minute .

I hate to sound mean, I'm not trying to do so, but if something like that is gonna break up a relationship, I don't think you guys have a very strong foundation to work on.

Hes basically saying that when he gets upset, or it gets hard being far apart, he doesnt text me. I dont know how to deal with that. I mean when things get hard, I want to talk to him. Talking things out always makes me feel a million times better. When we were together he always made me talk with him when I was upset nad now he cant talk to me? That is really confusing. I mean I kindia understand it, but how do I make him see my side?

Tell him exactly what you've told us. Tell him how this makes you feel. Make him read this thread if you have to =P What he's doing is unfair to you and it kinda seems like he's being a bit selfish.

I would have let stuff like this slide in the begining of my relationship, but now my SO knows better than to ever try anything like that with me jaja

Just tell him how it makes you feel and what kind of emotions he's putting you through when he does it

[ClipitsWings]

I'm just really curious why he does it, honestly. I've only experienced a bad communication black out for around a week because he was wrecked over something and he tends to try to deal on his own/doesn't want or feel like he deserves to "bother people" about it. The frequency and severity of your blackouts are curious. And you said you asked him why he wouldn't talk to you before? Mm. Maybe try again to ask and don't let him blow you off when you do question. Hopefully you can move past whatever the problem is with him. Good luck

[Mistakesinpen]

Well, I asked. And I let him know that I hate it when he does this, and that Id rather he talk it out with me when he feels like this, and he stoped texting me again. Im really getting sick of this. this is exactly what he said:
"Im sorry I havent been talking to you its just idk I Love you and miss you alot, idk its hard."
and after I said I would rather he talk to me, then just ignore me and help me understand what hes feeling he texted:
"Im sorry ive been an ass lately."

I told him hes not being an ass, i just miss him and want to know whats going on. And I havent heard from him since

[Yaaamiii]

I dunno, I don't think its cool for him to do it and continue to do it IF he knows it really bothers you. Again, I don't mean this harshly, but I feel he's being a bit selfish. "I just miss you" and stuff, but then ignores you and your own needs. That to me is selfish.

[Zephii]

I don't think you should take shit, honestly. Love does not play childish games.

I can fully understand where he comes from. Sometimes I miss my sister or friends SO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much and it's just easier and less painful to not contact them for a littler while because talking to them makes me realise what I'm missing out on so much more. I'd never ignore anyone for such a selfish reason though, but I can see why someone would do that.

With that said, it's not ok and it's damaging to the relationship. And what's more, it's unhealthy for you to just put up with it for fear he'll be scared away. If you can scare him off so easy after nearly a year he probably just isn't a keeper. I know it's hard to see it like that because you're in the situation yourself and you love him - but it takes a shittonne more than love to make a relationship.

I'm wondering how long he ignores you for though. If it's just a few hours or a day or whatever, maybe you're not giving him the breathing space he needs.

---------- Post added at 07:22 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:21 PM ----------

I don't think you should take shit, honestly. Love does not play childish games.

I can fully understand where he comes from. Sometimes I miss my sister or friends SO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much and it's just easier and less painful to not contact them for a littler while because talking to them makes me realise what I'm missing out on so much more. I'd never ignore anyone for such a selfish reason though, but I can see why someone would do that.

With that said, it's not ok and it's damaging to the relationship. And what's more, it's unhealthy for you to just put up with it for fear he'll be scared away. If you can scare him off so easy after nearly a year he probably just isn't a keeper. I know it's hard to see it like that because you're in the situation yourself and you love him - but it takes a shittonne more than love to make a relationship.

I'm wondering how long he ignores you for though. If it's just a few hours or a day or whatever, maybe you're not giving him the breathing space he needs.

[Mistakesinpen]

The longest he has done this for is four days, the shortest has been a day and a half. I really dont want to lose him, but lately it seems better than dealing with this. I feel so horrible when he starts texting me again though ,because hes always sorry and wanting to fix things. I want so badly for him to just fix it once and for all and everything to be better.

[Yaaamiii]

Do you tell him those things? It sounds a bit like he may (even subconsciously) be taking advantage of the fact that you put up with it.

[Mistakesinpen]

Ive told him, but not really recently. Its more been just casual talking when we do talk, and I love yous and miss yous when we arent. Maybe I need to just stand up to him? Ive never really been the one to take charge in a relationship, I normally just go with whatever. But this is getting to the point that It really hurts, and I honestly cant stand much more of it.