NEED SOME ADVICE!

[garnet]

What's more, if the information on your profile is accurate, I mean, come on, you guys haven't even dated a month. :/ I'm sorry if all of this came off as harsh, but its the truth..

Oh I didn't even look there. Two weeks. Dating for two weeks. Don't do that to a child.

And don't let yourself think that having a baby is an easy thing. I am 30 years old and had no idea it would be THIS hard. It has also put a strain on my very happy, well established relationship (we're married). It is just nothing to mess around with.

[jennyjellybeans]

All of these women know the hardships (and joys) of having a child, listen to them, not to yourself. I know that sounds odd, but believe me, in THIS SITUATION, you are in the WRONG. I'm only 17 myself, and my SO is 18 and we've already planned and decided to have our children at the 25-35 age range when we are financially stable. We would never want our children living a hard life with arguments between their parents over money. We don't want to have struggles and we want to have our children out of love and responsibility (as in being responsible of another person's LIFE) Trust me. You DO NOT want to do this, no matter how much your in love. Don't throw away your youth like many in our generation do, its not right. It's immoral. It's difficult, and it WILL end up in hardships with not only money, but your relationship.

The harsh reality is, if you do this, you could possibly be left as a single mother struggling to work to get end's meet every day just to support your child. I'm assuming since you don't like where you live now, I'm guessing with your family they won't be alot of support in this. Also, the fact you'd be a teen mother would mean inexperience on your part, an inexperience that may lead to your child growing up to not be their best, they may even take your route and commit the same act you did.

I have a great family, with parents who chose the right time to have their children. But, I know of how hard this is for another because my best friend has gone through it. Her mother had her young, her father abandoned her, and now SHE is the adult between her mother and her. She got a job, she pays for most things, and she struggles every day with it and it breaks my heart. She didn't get to experience her childhood like I did, it was basically taken away from her the moment she was old enough to get a job.

So please, for the sake of you, and your children, DO NOT DO THIS.

[Moon]

Let me give you an idea of what you're life is going to be like, if you go through with this ridiculous life plan, even though I'm sure you won't believe me since, I know, your (VERY new!) relationship is so different.

I got pregnant at 17, and had a daughter shortly after turning 18. Her father swore he loved me and we'd always be together, which was obviously bullshit, as I'm on this site now. I spent most of my pregnancy alone, with him showing up once in a while, when he felt like it. It was horrible and lonely, but that's beside the point. I was very, VERY lucky to have full support of my family, had I not had that invaluable resource, I would have been just another welfare mom, single and poverty stricken, with no prospects except to be a drain on society. If your family is actually as bad as you make them sound, that'll be you, oh and at least I graduated high school first!

I had absolutely NO idea what I got myself into, no part of my life belonged to me anymore, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING revolved around my child. There was no more "me" for a very long time. I had to do everything, plus work, then as she got older, work, school and be a mom, that was it. There was no going out, no new clothes, I had a crappy apartment I couldn't pay for, and utilities that were always being shut off (And that was when I lived with her father!). Eventually, I had to give up the apartment, get a divorce, and move back in with my parents. Luckily, I had that option.

Anyway, at the risk of this getting too long to read, I'm 41 now, and have only gotten my life back in the last few years. Sounds old as hell, huh? Well, if you're lucky, you might get yours back around now, too. I'm twice divorced, and even though I did everything in my power to keep her father in the picture and our "family" together, he's not. He went to jail a few times because he refused to pay child support, that's what a great father he turned out to be. I don't think my daughter has heard from him in over 10 years, or better. My life has been hard, but thanks to my family, I made it through, can you say your family will be there for you? Some guy you met two weeks ago, who's already been in jail, isn't going to be.

As far as a life plan goes, yours sucks, and it'll never work. I sincerely hope you rethink this stupid, life shattering idea of yours. If you want to move, so go, why do you need to have a poor, innocent child involved to do this? You sound much, much too immature and inexperienced to do this, although I've no doubt you disagree. There's nothing wrong with being with your boyfriend, after you turn 18, but do not bring a child into this mess. You've only been together for two weeks for god's sake, you can't really think this is a good idea, can you?

[rori795]

Oh I didn't even look there. Two weeks. Dating for two weeks. Don't do that to a child.

Yeah... at this stage of your relationship, I wouldn't even recommend buying a pet goldfish together.

Right now your hormones are most likely going crazy and you're romanticizing your situation. You need to slow down, take a step back and enjoy this stage of your relationship and your life.

Everything else has pretty much all been said by the people before me. Please do not do this. It is not a good idea, and you won't just be screwing up your own life. You'll be screwing up a life of a child.

[jennyjellybeans]

Let me give you an idea of what you're life is going to be like, if you go through with this ridiculous life plan, even though I'm sure you won't believe me since, I know, your (VERY new!) relationship is so different.

I got pregnant at 17, and had a daughter shortly after turning 18. Her father swore he loved me and we'd always be together, which was obviously bullshit, as I'm on this site now. I spent most of my pregnancy alone, with him showing up once in a while, when he felt like it. It was horrible and lonely, but that's beside the point. I was very, VERY lucky to have full support of my family, had I not had that invaluable resource, I would have been just another welfare mom, single and poverty stricken, with no prospects except to be a drain on society. If your family is actually as bad as you make them sound, that'll be you, oh and at least I graduated high school first!

I had absolutely NO idea what I got myself into, no part of my life belonged to me anymore, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING revolved around my child. There was no more "me" for a very long time. I had to do everything, plus work, then as she got older, work, school and be a mom, that was it. There was no going out, no new clothes, I had a crappy apartment I couldn't pay for, and utilities that were always being shut off (And that was when I lived with her father!). Eventually, I had to give up the apartment, get a divorce, and move back in with my parents. Luckily, I had that option.

Anyway, at the risk of this getting too long to read, I'm 41 now, and have only gotten my life back in the last few years. Sounds old as hell, huh? Well, if you're lucky, you might get yours back around now, too. I'm twice divorced, and even though I did everything in my power to keep her father in the picture and our "family" together, he's not. He went to jail a few times because he refused to pay child support, that's what a great father he turned out to be. I don't think my daughter has heard from him in over 10 years, or better. My life has been hard, but thanks to my family, I made it through, can you say your family will be there for you? Some guy you met two weeks ago, who's already been in jail, isn't going to be.

As far as a life plan goes, yours sucks, and it'll never work. I sincerely hope you rethink this stupid, life shattering idea of yours. If you want to move, so go, why do you need to have a poor, innocent child involved to do this? You sound much, much too immature and inexperienced to do this, although I've no doubt you disagree. There's nothing wrong with being with your boyfriend, after you turn 18, but do not bring a child into this mess. You've only been together for two weeks for god's sake, you can't really think this is a good idea, can you?

*applauds*

This.

[endibot85]

As far as a life plan goes, yours sucks, and it'll never work. I sincerely hope you rethink this stupid, life shattering idea of yours. If you want to move, so go, why do you need to have a poor, innocent child involved to do this? You sound much, much too immature and inexperienced to do this, although I've no doubt you disagree. There's nothing wrong with being with your boyfriend, after you turn 18, but do not bring a child into this mess. You've only been together for two weeks for god's sake, you can't really think this is a good idea, can you?

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[Minerva]

Also, do you know his having sex with you is statutory rape (just looked up the law in Arizona, 18 is the legal age of consent)? Getting pregnant would be PROOF he had sex with you before you were legal. You said in your profile he's already been to jail -- do you want to send him back???

[Moon]

Also, do you know his having sex with you is statutory rape (just looked up the law in Arizona, 18 is the legal age of consent)? Getting pregnant would be PROOF he had sex with you before you were legal. You said in your profile he's already been to jail -- do you want to send him back???

Good point, Minerva!

[Sora1101]

Also, do you know his having sex with you is statutory rape (just looked up the law in Arizona, 18 is the legal age of consent)? Getting pregnant would be PROOF he had sex with you before you were legal. You said in your profile he's already been to jail -- do you want to send him back???

Very good point that I forgot to mention in my own post, and I hope you realize that even if you don't live in Arizona yourself while you're visiting you will need to abide by the state's laws, and as Minerva pointed out having a baby is proof of statutory rape and being well versed in this particular law for my own sake for when my SO visits, by him breaking this law it could put him away for a good 10+ years, and let me tell you prisoners tend to take a very dim view of child rapists, not to mention he'll be in prison and wouldn't even be around for the first 10 years of your childs life, and you'd have no where to go and no support.

[bluishskin]

DO NOT DO THIS.

If the best solution you can find to the problem of not being with your boyfriend is "get pregnant" you're NOT ready to have a child.

Frankly, you sound too selfish and immature to be a parent. Being a good parent often means choosing between what you want and what is best for your child. Until you understand that, you're not ready to bring a child into this world.

Now that I've got my moral outrage for your plan out of my way, let me tell you, children are a HUGE burden. Your life will no longer be your own. Want to go out and party with your friends? Oops, Jr has a fever. Want to go back to school? Oh dear, daycare costs an arm and a leg. Want some new clothes? Oh my, the kid just had a growth-spurt and needs a new wardrobe. Like your pretty things? Whoops, she just broke your favorite necklace. And on. And on. And on. Kids are expensive, time consuming, stressful, and change your life forever.

And if it doesn't work out with you and your guy, guess what? You'll be stuck in Arizona until the kid is 18, because you won't be allowed to take the kid away from his dad.

As far as plans go, this one is full of FAIL.

Definitely agree with this. Also with what Moon said. It's so clear that you're not using your logic.

[kteire]

I just looked through some of your pictures, OP, because I'm like that. And I seriously hope that's not a swastika tattooed on your boyfriend's stomach... but I'm guessing by the skulls wearing Nazi helmets that it is. That makes me feel ill.
You would consider having a child with someone like that???

[tiffiebabbi14]

thanks for all the advice

[Joyce:)]

Well, just like everyone else, I too think this is a bad idea.
(Besides, it's not said that if you stop taking birth control you will magically get pregnant the first time you have unprotected sex.)

You just started dating, you don't know if he will be in the picture in the future, you don't want to stay one more second at home. It sounds to me like you are just trying to find an excuse to leave, and you are using the easiest way to get out. It's not fair to you, to your boyfriend, and especially it wouldn't be fair to the creature you may end up bringing to the world.
Babies are something you can't put on pause, you can't switch off with a remote and you cannot get rid of once you get tired of them. Diapers, food, tons of pooping and vomiting, sleepless nights, day care, sore boobs, stretchmarks, baby food, morning nausea, health insurance, vaccines, and no money to pay for everything since you probably won't be able to keep up with school. This is just a taste of what you'll have to face.

You can leave home without using a baby as an excuse. Finish school, find a job, leave if you think that home is hell, but don't take any risks, keep taking your birth control, you're bigger and better than this.

[Moon]

Hmmm...you answered this much better than I thought you would. Nice, considering the posts made.

Just to reiterate, OK, you love the guy, swastika tatts, criminal record and all. So go, and be with him, you are an otherwise cute couple, and hopefully your influence is a good one for him, I honestly think that's a great thing. Start your life together, just wait a few years before you have that kid, OK? Finish school, get decent jobs, and enjoy each other, there's no need to rush into having babies. Have fun together for a while first, you won't get to do it once the babies come, besides, it'll wreck your body, it'll never be as good as it is now, and that's awful

[Joyce:)]

Hmmm...you answered this much better than I thought you would. Nice, considering the posts made.

Just to reiterate, OK, you love the guy, swastika tatts, criminal record and all. So go, and be with him, you are an otherwise cute couple, and hopefully your influence is a good one for him, I honestly think that's a great thing. Start your life together, just wait a few years before you have that kid, OK? Finish school, get decent jobs, and enjoy each other, there's no need to rush into having babies. Have fun together for a while first, you won't get to do it once the babies come, besides, it'll wreck your body, it'll never be as good as it is now, and that's awful

This.