Weight...?

[Rosebud]

Question-what about when the way you dress/style your hair DOES represent who you are? Does that make it different then when those claim it's too important to them to not want to change? I spent a lot of junior high and high school unhappy with the way I looked (not just weight wise) because I didn't feel like I had style that really represented who I was. I felt very plain in jeans and t-shirts that I didn't feel were very 'me' but I wore them anyway as it's what everyone else wore and I didn't have the right kind of body to pull off the cuter clothes that the popular girls wore. Now that I'm in college and more independent I've taken huge steps in defining my personal look which is a lot more elegant than it ever used to be. I take extra care in coordinating my outfits and choosing just the right pieces as they are pricey and I'm very proud of the wardrobe I'm accumulating as for once I really do feel like it represents the type of lady I want to be seen as.

My boyfriend knows dressing up is important to me (even bought me a LE skirt as a gift <3 ) and that I'd be very sad as well as uncomfortable if he wanted me to just wear sweats and band tees all the time just cause he thought it would be cute. Would I be opposed to dressing that way ALL the time? Nah, but asking me to switch out my whole wardrobe, well, that IS changing my lifestyle and I can liken it to the OP also asking her boyfriend to change his lifestyle when he seems content with working out in his own way and targeting the areas that are important to him.

[Minerva]

The point being that losing weight, coloring your hair or whatever you do ... do it for yourself, not because an SO wants you to. Especially with weight, it HAS to be something you want to do for you. It's not like coloring your hair or changing clothes, though those as well should be done for you first and foremost and not for anyone else.

Do I dress sexy sometimes to turn my guy on? You betcha Would I do it if I wasn't comfortable or felt like it was the only way I could hang onto him? never.

Yes, yes. This is my point. I dress for myself. I have a personal style that I've developed over the years, and I like how I dress and I have a wardrobe to support it. I know others feel differently, but to me, changing my style to please someone else is changing part of myself. I express myself through my style. Why would I want to mute something about myself? Again, obviously this isn't a big deal to many of you, but it is for me. I find the idea of changing my style to please my SO just as confusing as some you find my unwillingness to do it.

And yes hair grows, but I love my hair the way it is, it's one of the few things about me that I'm pleased with and probably my only physical feature that is attractive, so I'm not going to change it. He might be more attracted to me with a different hairstyle, but I'm the one who has to live with it day in and day out.

This topic has sort of strayed, and as most things I'm passionate about, I've probably gotten a bit defensive. I apologize for that. I've called the focus on things like weight and hair superficial, because they are; even those on the other side say these are things that can be changed easily, and thus, they are superficial in the true sense of the word. I don't mean to call the relationships superficial. I honestly don't have a problem with how anyone lives in their relationships. Whatever works best for you and your partner, that’s what works. This is just a topic that hits close to me and I’m struggling to understand the other viewpoint.

I’ve thought about this a lot in the last day or so. I’ve asked that those who put so much store in physical appearance explain what they’d do if their SO lost their looks. Everyone insists it wouldn’t be an issue. This didn’t make a lot of sense to me as if it is important, it’s important. But then I thought about my personal “must have” list, which includes a great sense of humor. What would I do if my SO became so depressed he lost his humor? And then I understood better. Of course I’d still love him, of course I’d still stay with him.

The OP stated she didn’t like that her SO has a belly and wants him to change it, even though he already works out. This set the tone for the thread. I do think the OP’s desire is on the shallow side, and kind of unfair to her SO who is already working out. But I do understand everyone else a little better now. Sorry if I came off judge-y and bitch-y.

[Dauntedpoet]

The OP stated she didn’t like that her SO has a belly and wants him to change it, even though he already works out. This set the tone for the thread.

I think the OP being honest with her SO is the right thing to do. Her SO should know she's not attracted to him with a belly. He deserves to know how she feels, she deserves to tell him instead of hiding it. What happens after that is an unknown.

Obviously this thread shows how vastly different peoples feelings about their own weight can be. Therefore the OP can hopefully take away from this thread that this very easily COULD make or break their relationship. Being aware of that fact is vitally important.

[lucybelle]

I think the OP being honest with her SO is the right thing to do. Her SO should know she's not attracted to him with a belly. He deserves to know how she feels, she deserves to tell him instead of hiding it. What happens after that is an unknown.

Well said.