Unsupportive people.

[Sharon Q]

How do you handle parents/family/friends etc being unsupportive?

Since my boyfriend moved here are the comments my mom has givin me.

" what you think he's going to get so far a way, miss you sending him shit and give you the boot "

I love giving him gifts I love to spoil him she never understood this even when he lived in the same town.
She thinks I " buy " his love an affection and it really pisses me off. But its been going on ever since I met him
( its been 3 years ) so I'm used to it and ignore it.

" I knew he wouldn't go with you haha "

This was after I told my mom he wasn't going to the job corps with me because he wanted to stay with his family ( who he hasn't seen in like about 6 years or something like that )

I just calmly explained that he wanted to get his diploma by doing home schooling and he wanted to spend time with his family.

And even if he still wanted to go with me there is no promise that he would get into the same center ( I tried to get into one into Pittsburgh PA and they said they couldn't get me in because my counselor for my area didn't deal with that center )

How do you handle unsupportive people?

I feel that after a while you can only ignore it so much.

PS My mom also got on me about him not sending me letters and me sending him gifts ( I've only sent two )
We talk every night so he doesnt need to write. He just send me my birthday gift a necklace that was around $40 and its beautiful I cant wait to get it <3

[floridaellen]

Honestly, just ignore them.
Some of my friends are unsupportive. They say things like "How could you stay with him in college when you're supposed to be hooking up with random guys and having fun?" and "He's too far; get a boyfriend here!" and "You're too young for a serious relationship". I try to explain it to them but there is really no changing people's opinions.
Just let them think what they think; they have no bearing on your actions. You make your own decisions. Who cares what they think?

[rusty15]

My mom is like that sometimes too only because she doens't want me to get hurt. I listen to her but tell her back that I love him and know it will work out.

[Haley53]

I do understand that it can start to take its toll, especially if it's something you're frequently exposed to, and even if it isn't, it's still a situation that can downright get under your skin. The way I've managed to deal with it is simply by limiting the information I provide to people who react negatively to my relationship, or who refuse to understand it no matter how many times I try to explain it and its circumstances; if they don't need to know/find out, then I don't tell them. I imagine it's a little bit more difficult for you, being as she's your mother, but the best advice I can give you is, honestly, don't let her in to as many things. I tend to think that sometimes vulnerable information is more of a privilege than anything, and if she's abusing that privilege with these pessimistic and demeaning comments... She really doesn't deserve to have the information to begin with. And for as much as you can, I would try and shrug it off and ignore it. The comments are more out of ignorance than anything, and though they do tend to wear and tear, you have to remember that in anything, ignorance hardly spells out the truth; if she's basing that he'll "give you the boot" on something she doesn't even remotely understand, it more or less cancels out the validity of the statement.

Chin up, but my best recommendation in this situation is really to limit the information/"ammo" you provide her with (answer questions shortly, directly, and practically) and ignore her comments otherwise as best as you can.

[Anolinde]

I get this stuff from my mom too, she hates Erik and refuses to get along and be nice to him, she refuses to even be civil towards him, it's incredibly excruciating for me to witness and be around. And now in turn he's lost respect for her so it's just gone downhill in the two years we've been together. She's the closest person in my life and for her to not accept him hurts more than words can say, I just want her to be supportive for my sake and help me through this, but no, instead I just feel utterly alone.

[dub329]

I have the exact same problem. I'm unemployed and living with my parents, so I have virtually no private life. I have been through months of baseless and hateful comments, rants, and a few tantrums. Every upcoming trip to see my girlfriend is a guaranteed three hours of shouting. It makes me feel like a terrible son! But for all my uncertainties, I am certain that I would never forgive myself if I broke off my relationship because of other
people's fear and ignorance.

[Minerva]

I can handle the judgment of most people, even though it does get wearing. Luckily most everyone in my life loves my SO and sees how happy he makes me, so I get away with brutal teasing rather than judgment.

But my mom... eh. There's a reason I haven't told her yet (we're telling her together when he visits in November). She's negative, she's fearful over money (and thus will make my life hell for wanting to plan frequent trips to the UK), and she's an Anglophile and will be upset I get to go to the UK more than she does. I think she also fears that I'll run off with him and leave her behind. And it's not so simple as saying, well, I'm an adult and a mother myself; we own our house together and she's helped me a great deal since I became a single mom 9 years ago, and she thinks she has a say in all aspects of my life. On top of that she's quick to temper and can make my life hell.

The one great thing is she loves my SO, and if he brings her a William and Katherine teacup, she'll be wrapped around his pinkie. And if we frame it thus: "because I am now dating corde, you can visit England MORE!" she might actually grow to embrace the idea.

We'll see how she takes it in November. I'm worried; I hope she surprises me.

[Alayna]

I get stuff like "Hes all the way in Europe. You wouldnt leave your home and go to Europe, You just want make it, You wont." That was from my councler and my mom doesnt like the fact just because hes 8 years older then me.. Dont listen to anyone. If your happy and it feels right then just go with it. people like that are horrible and need to keep there noses out. They dont know whats going on, they never been in a relationship like this. So there "Opinions" dont count.

[Lissy]

My father refers to my SO as my "friend." This isn't so much because he rejects my LDR, but because he's still struggling with the fact that I'm dating another girl. It hurts and frustrates me sometimes, but I deal with it by ignoring it for the most part and pretending it doesn't bother me. And when my SO visits, I make it very obvious that she and I are much more than just friends. :P
So, yeah...not so much about people being unsupportive of my LDR, but my sexuality.

[Anolinde]

Found this song btw, hope it gives you strength and courage like it's helped me : ) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asOQolzLCU0

[Sharon Q]

Found this song btw, hope it gives you strength and courage like it's helped me : ) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asOQolzLCU0

Thanks. You just picked the only country singer I like too XD

My father refers to my SO as my "friend." This isn't so much because he rejects my LDR, but because he's still struggling with the fact that I'm dating another girl. It hurts and frustrates me sometimes, but I deal with it by ignoring it for the most part and pretending it doesn't bother me. And when my SO visits, I make it very obvious that she and I are much more than just friends. :P
So, yeah...not so much about people being unsupportive of my LDR, but my sexuality.

I'm sorry to hear that your dad is like that. Most parents don't understand being attracted to the same gender and that Love is still LOVE no matter what the sexuality is. I'm sure he will come around with time. But even if he never comes around don't worry because you have tons of other people that would support you

[DemonxOisin]

Yes, also with me, itīs not so much the distance, but the fact that he is Mexican. I donīt keep in contact with many of the relatives on my fathers side of the family (for reasons that will become obvious), but my grandmother passed away a few months back, so obviously we all got together for the funeral. My grandmother has ALWAYS lived with me, and I was always her closest grandchild. Yet, the only thing they could talk about (at HER funeral) was my boyfriend. I will never forget the first thing my uncle, who I havenīt seen in 5 years, said to me upon seeing me: "So I hear your dating a Mexican *Insert extremely condescending tone here.*" And then my aunt: "You have to watch out for those Mexicans, they are all players you know. You better be careful with him, he probably has a couple other girlfriends besides you."

RAGE FACE.

He is so much more of a better person then any of those uneducated, racist old farts (trying to keep it clean here guys) will ever be. Miguel is doing incredible things with his life. He is the most HONEST person that I have ever met in my life (his friends will say that too), and he has ALWAYS been there for me, unlike you.

</rant

[Sunnyside193]

my bf parents were considering breaking us up. The best thing to do is either try and talk to them about it and if that doesnt work just ignore them. if it starts to get to much try talking about it to someone else just to vent.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I get this a lot. My SO's parents only know I'm a "friend" he occasionally talks to. They don't know about us, and he daren't tell them. My parents refuse to acknowledge long distance relationships and their opinion is hard to sway. They don't believe what we have is real, because of our ages. It's so ******* frustrating, and it makes me feel like I'm trapped.

On the plus, some of our friends know and they aren't quick to judge. They seem to understand us better. My SO's friends are awesome, and they're pretty good company. I've met them a few times whilst playing xbox live with my SO.

[Kerry]

you just gotta try to ignore them as best as you can. it's tough when the people in our lives (friends or family) don't support our LDRs. for example, my bf's ex-wife has been griping a lot about me to their daughter saying stuff like- why can't "she" (meaning me) meet someone where I live. you might think she wants my bf back. she doesn't- she's remarried and has a new life. she just wants her ex-hb to be utterly miserable. and because he's not because we're together it's just driving her nuts! stay strong hun!