Seriously need some advice.

[JennyRW]

you must confront him and go to an hotel!!! And be careful about believing his answers, he will try to find explanations, but try to think clearly to see if realy makes sence or not...
I know money is an issue but respecting yourself has more value! I guess you can look for the cheapest hotel and use your credit card, you'll pay it little by little...

I am really sorry, I feel bad for you. It is so unfair! But you will find a good guy who really loves you!

[Moon]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, you're in a crappy spot here. Listen though, even if we pretend that nothing is going on between him and his ex, he spent the night texting and talking with someone else while you spent a good deal of money to visit him. That right there makes him a bad boyfriend. Normally I'd blast you for snooping and say you got what you deserved, but after the way he was behaving, I can't say I wouldn't have done it and I never snoop.

I hate to say it, and I know that you love him, but his heart belongs to someone else. You're just his rebound girl, and he's been lying to you. Don't make it worse on yourself, just get out now. Don't give him the opportunity to talk you out of it. Have you tried looking for a hostel in the area? They're very cheap to stay in. Also, if it's at all possible, it would be worth borrowing some money from your parents or something to switch your flight ticket.

Don't waste any more time on someone who doesn't deserve you.

[bluishskin]

Listen though, even if we pretend that nothing is going on between him and his ex, he spent the night texting and talking with someone else while you spent a good deal of money to visit him. That right there makes him a bad boyfriend.

Good point here. You don't do that when you're having a visitor; be it your partner, family member or relative, a friend, even a work colleague. That is just downright rude.
I am really really sorry for what is happening to you at the moment. I agree with everybody. Confront him and tell him that you know, and leave him as soon as possible without looking back. No negotiation whatsoever! You obviously deserve a much better guy who would treat you fairly and appreciate how much effort you have put to be with him. Snooping is not a good idea but perhaps if you didn't do that you would never know the truth prolly for a few weeks or months to come.

Despite your love for him, love yourself too. Take care and good luck!

[Miramaid]

I did not read the comments but i was in a situation that was kind of similar. Except the part he was still in love with her and stuff. I read the texts from a girl that my BF claimed was just a friend and i found out that they used to sleep together before me and he did not tell her when he met me and she was unhappy to find out. I kept quiet and did not say anything because of the violation of privacy and stuff...It all turned out VERY nasty later on when he kept hanging out with her when i was not there and one day told me he wanted to move in with her and be roommates. He did not know i read the texts and i knew about their previous relationship. He later on broke up with me over that.

I will tell you what i have learned from that story. I WISH i brought it up then and there!!! In fact i should have coz it would save me months of being in pain and months of building up the insecurity and mistrust that i started having in him. I wish i told him what i had found out and confront him about it and let him suck it up that i looked at his phone coz if there was nothing there then there would be no issue even if you looked. I think you HAVE TO tell him what you had found and you have all the right to not trust him and his feelings any more. He is either lying to you or to that girl or to both of you and want to have you when you are there and have her when you are not. I am sorry if I come out harsh. He is NOT acting like a good person and you do not deserve that. He needs to TRY to explain it to you (if there is really ANYTHING he can say that would make sense at all in this situation. I believe he is being shitty to both you and her and there is nothing he can say) and let him know very firmly that you will not put up with it period. He lies to you and/or to her and that is not what people in a relationship do. If there is any way he can fix it and earn your trust back, then good. Let him WORK for it. WHat he is doing is a SERIOUS violation of not just your privacy, but of your sanity and your relationship together.
Good luck!

[maja_marky]

im so sorry to hear that..i can feel what you feel right now...
if i were in your situation i will def leave him, i mean he hurted you so much and why would you still stay with him?
i mean, i can tell he is something up to because if he wasnt he would not hide..
its not right def not right having two women at the same time...
be strong girl, if he really loves you he will prove it to you...
if not then time to move on and find someone who will love you truly...
keep us posted....

[msskunk]

I'm sorry to hear that, but you are deserve better.
He must make a choice between you and his ex, and give his commitment and his heart to one girl only.

Wish you all the best!

[Madge]

Gargh I am so sorry you have to go through this It isn't nice and it is not at all what you deserve!

Talk it out with him..the longer you keep it inside the more it is going to eat away at you

*hugs*

[Jgui]

i'm so sorry to hear that.. but i think you should confront him and tell him what you've done and found. I understand it's very hard to fully move on from past relationship, especially when they've been together for so long and were engaged; but that doesn't mean he has the right to hurt you. You shouldn't need to be with a person who doesn't give you their full heart and attention. I personally feel that being emotionally cheated on is worse than being psychically cheated on. (not saying one is better than the other)

[sarahrosestevey]

Thank you all so much for the support. I knew it was what I needed to hear, but I guess it's right when they say the truth hurts. I ended up staying one more night with him - he slept on the couch. I had called my friend, and while he was at work I told him what had happened, what I had saw, and how I felt. Immediately he was extremely apologetic, telling me I was the only one for him, and that I had caught him on an "off day". He said he was having a bad week at work, it was the anniversary of their engagement and the only reason he said those things to her was to "gage how she felt about him".

Obviously, it sounds like a load of bullshit, and I see that too. It's been pretty awkward but now I'm staying in a hotel for my last 3 nights (Dad kindly helped out). He keeps calling, texting, trying to get a hold of me. Wants to take me to dinner tonight to talk things through. Far out. Why is everything so difficult? I'm really unsure if I should meet up with him. It's really hard when I still love him. Arrghh.

[CandiCandi]

I think you should cut your losses, he is clearly stringing you along and you do deserve better than that. You will find someone better, just give it time. I know you still love him, but like all things, it takes awhile to get over things. You don't want this to turn into something where you are just so emotionally exhausted from going back and forth.

[Minerva]

You've shocked him into trying to win you back. Don't let him try. You're vulnerable to his bullshit right now. He'd sweep you off your feet if you'd let him. But it wouldn't be about what you want, it's all about him and not wanting to lose you. Be strong, don't fall for it. If he's truly, truly sorry, and truly loves you, then he should respect how he's hurt you and give you space to figure out what YOU want. Not him. YOU.

He hurt you in one of the worst ways a partner can, and all he cares about is keeping you. Selfish liar is what you're dealing with.

*hugs*

I'm glad your dad helped you. And you're really strong for not letting this man continue to use and hurt you.

[ArchetypicalIdiot]

Having been through something like this where the guy (stupidly) used my laptop to talk to the girl he was cheating on me with and also, even more painfully, tell when we were sleeping together I can honestly say: get out and get better. Even if he hasn't cheated, he's still being deceitful about something that upsets you so much and rightly so. Probably not what you want to hear but if it hurts now, wait until you find another similar text...I agree with these guys. I think he's played a game and now that he's lost, he's actually realised his heart. If he was hiding this he obviously knew it wasn't okay and how you'd feel. I'm so sorry this happened to you, particularly somewhere away from home. Take care of yourself, you're worth much more than this x

[AshleyNicolle]

I agree with Rugger. I would be so offended and heartbroken if someone I loved did that to me. If I'm in a relationship with someone and their heart and mind is focused thinking on someone else, then I will not waste my time with that person. I think your SO maybe wasn't fully over the break up with him and his ex. They were together for six years and engaged as well. It's not your fault that this happened, but people aren't always honest with their emotions. You definitely have to speak with your SO about this because it's something serious and shows he's not fully over her. I wish you the best of luck, I'm so sorry that this happened to you.

[Malaga]

You've done great, just don't let him sway you now. Douchebags do that, as soon as you see through them and try to walk away, they turn into super sweet guys and focus on seducing you all over again. He may even beg you to stay and promise that he won't do it again. (In reality he'd just be smarter about hiding it.)

But he's not doing that because he suddenly realised he actually loved you and he treated you wrong. He's doing that because his pride was hurt when you left. If he can persuade you to stay, it's a big boost to his ego - if he could do all these inexcusable things, lies, deceit, and get away with it. Asking you to stay has got nothing to do with how much he cares for you. It's just a kick of power that he's after. Everything he does, he does for his selfish benefit.

Best of luck xx

[Silvaria]

I know it's easy right now to believe his promises that he loves you, but remember what you said in your first post:

...later he picks up his phone and goes downstairs. Is gone for ages, comes back looking a bit sheepish and then texts all night but hides the screen from me...On there are texts to his ex, dated about two weeks ago. Saying he is still madly in love with her and hes thinking about maybe leaving me.

Is this the kind of man you want? A man who sits there right in front of you and texts another woman, a man who can tell another woman that he is madly in love with her, and thinking about leaving you? For all you know, he was telling her that he wishes she was there instead of you.

I hope your pride dictates that you hold your head high and walk away. Let her have him...he's a liar and a cheater and you can do better than this, I promise!!!