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**Haley53** · October 8, 2011, 04:19 PM

You need to do what's best for you.

I am on the path to becoming a clinical psychologist as well. I'm in my third year of undergraduate studies. I have this year and senior year, and my entire years at grad school to go. I have already formed contacts and references. I have already been fortunate enough to establish relationships with my university teachers. And so on. My academic life is very currently, solidly in place, and had we decided that I was going to be the one to move out to my SO as opposed to the other way around, there would have been a lot to consider. Because my life does not stop on obtaining my doctorate, and I have significant ties here: academically, financially, with family and even things so simple as location and politics. Although location is something I could reconsider, there are familial ties that would be incredibly hard to break, and excluding the practicalities of my situation, there wouldn't even be the opportunity for me to move out to be with my SO until the end of grad school, so many many years from now.

I'm fortunate in the sense my SO has less ties to where he lives than I do, but it was still something that had to be sorted out. I sorted it out earlier on because of the way it was not sorted out in my previous LDR. Although there were many, many more issues in that relationship than the distance, the distance did present a problem. He had established a life there that he was unwilling to leave; when it came to mine, I was also not only unwilling (to a degree), but unable. He wanted me to leave school to move there, and that was something I was not willing to sacrifice. It's not something I would sacrifice for my current SO, either. I have had my love questioned on a couple separate occasions for this, but I simply am not going to sacrifice myself to be with somebody else. I don't think anybody should.

From a practical perspective, you need to think about what would happen if you didn't work out. For whatever reason, let's say you and your SO did not work out. Then what? Sure, there are always options, but here you'd have lost your position at college and/or university and you'd have thrown everything you had away to be with this man who did not work out. For me, I know that I want to be able to financially support myself and, if it came down to it, a child/my family without having to rely 100% on my SO to take care of me, and I would be reliant on my SO if I'd dropped everything for some minimum wage job to be in a relationship where I could either barely make rent or where everything was being paid for me. You have to consider yourself, and consider what happens if something falls through. It simply does not make logical sense to move somewhere on a dime, though I'm sure some people have done it. :P And some people have success stories, and that's great, but there are also people like my best friend, who sacrificed everything for a love that didn't work out and she ended up stranded and homeless for a time. I know that for me, I don't want to have to even worry about that as a possibility.

You also have to think about your happiness. Are you going to be happy being supported by someone else? Yes, you'll have your SO and maybe a family, but you won't have any education past your high school degree. In the current economy, this doesn't even guarantee minimum wage. In the current economy and in today's day and age, it seems there's very little you can do without a polished degree (not saying it's necessary for every line of work, but it is highly sought after), even if it's something so simple as an AA or BS/BA. And what about funding? Is your SO out of state? If so, have you considered the rising costs for out-of-state and international students if you decided to go back to school while with him? Again, it's not impossible, you do have options, but this would make things significantly more difficult and you have to look at it as if you can realistically afford it. Because if you moved to be with him, you really might not have the same chance or easy opportunity at university that you have now.

The way I see it is that you and your SO need to sit down and have a talk. What is this work that would take him far from where you'll be studying? Is there no chance of transferring, or of doing it closer to home? And what happens when you finish university... Would you be willing to move away from your family, that you claim are of great importance? There's no telling how long he'll have this job prospect for or how long it's going to be until he finds a different one. One of you is going to have to make a sacrifice, in the end, to be with the other, and I think it's important to decide who it is going to be. With my SO, I brought it up early because I did not want to become attached-to-the-point-of-no-return (as much as I could help it) knowing that I likely would/will not be moving unless there were no other options, and I wouldn't want that for him, either. It was something I wanted to discuss and get out of the way to avoid a situation from happening like the one you're faced with now. I think you both need to talk to one another and think realistically about the future. If you want it to work, who's going to have to move and who's going to have to sacrifice what? Are either of you going to be willing to make those sacrifices?

Unfortunately, sometimes two people simply aren't in the right place at the right time and sometimes two people find that their paths take them in a different one than the one in which their relationship seemed to be heading. I think that it would be in both your better interests to sit down and discuss the logistics and have a loose plan before deciding whether or not you can handle it. Hang in there.

**Zephii** · October 8, 2011, 04:33 PM

I think 8 years would be a deal breaker for me. I couldn't do that.
I think that for your relationship to survive you are both going to need to prioritize each other a little higher. You need to talk together a bit more because there must be a better solution. *hugs*

**Bethypoo** · October 8, 2011, 05:12 PM

This is such a hard situation. I mean, I have a different opinion about marriage and kids (wouldn't get married until at least 25 and kids no younger than 26). But if that is something that is important to you and he isnt going to fit into that then you need to do what is best for you. However, if it is right then maybe there is a middle ground you can find. I couldnt wait 8 years. Some people have been in an LDR for 9 or more and I give them props.

Do what is best for you. If you make it through it as a couple then it is meant to be. If you dont then you wont have given up on your educational or career goals.

**megfashion** · October 8, 2011, 05:36 PM

Thanks to all.

ive told him how upset i am about it and dont know if its worth it (we have a very open relationship and i wouldnt feel comfortable hiding anything when i know he tells me everything).
He then told me "im hopefully going to have a place in *INSERT PLACE WE MAY LIVE* but theres just a chance that it may not work out like that"

Ive decided im not giving up on my education. as you all have said, education is important. i feel bad for forgetting that (gma always said education first, then relationships), but then again i love him to bits and id sacrifice anything, i think it all just got to me.

Thanks for the support. I really hope it will work out

**Sunnyside193** · October 9, 2011, 03:53 AM

Me and my bf were like that. This year i took the gap year and he went to Uni. However his course is a year longer than what my shall hopefully be. I agree dont sacrifice your education for him. It will be hard but if your both willing to put the effort in then there is no reason why it cant work out. Will you both have similar sort of holidays? If so make sure you organise to see each other in them as that will be important. Also while at Uni you both will get busy so when it comes around exams or lots of assignments you could set out a couple of times a week(or whenver works for you) to talk to each other cause communication is important. Either way it is possible and you both need to sit down and have a thorough talk about it. Good luck

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