How long is to long for the relationship to be a LDR?

[Bethypoo]

I was reading some other posts and am seeing a lot about people moving to be with their SO. My question is: How long is to long to be in an LDR? What how long would you consider being apart before moving together? My SO and I have been together for 10 months and I think that 3 years or maybe 4 is the longest Id keep this up before deciding that we will need to be closer. I've seen some people who are in LD marriages or have been in their LDR for 10 years!

How long is to long for you?

[Rosebud]

It's really up to the individual and their actual distance circumstances. Perhaps some folks have an easier time visiting one another, maybe once or twice a month and therefore would be able to hold out longer than a couple who could only visit once a year. Perhaps some couples have to deal with Visa issues and then it's not really entirely up to them how long they have to wait. Perhaps some couples enjoy their individual freedom and are fine waiting, while others are the exact opposite. Some people are used to living alone and some people are in LDRs after being CD first and all these factors change how everyone feels about this, so I wouldn't worry too much about their being a 'right' or 'wrong' amount of time remaining separated.

Personally speaking, my boyfriend and I have been LD for a little over 2 years. We hope to close the distance sometime in 2013 (hopefully around January though it may be the summer of), which is an entire year away. So that makes it 3-3.5 years LD total. I do wish it were shorter but this is what I have to deal with. And like I said with all those situations, perhaps if we saw each other more than 1-3 times a year I would be okay with waiting longer than this, and if we were from different countries and had to deal with all those obstacles I would also suck it up and deal with having to wait longer.

[Mara]

The first thing I thought when I saw this thread was, "there's a too long?"

I wouldn't be long distance if we had any other choice and I can't see giving up on someone just because we can't physically be together everyday because of something out of our control. I suppose if there was never, ever going to be a way for us to be together I'd have to move on with my life at some point, but since there is a light at the end of this tunnel, I'm going to ride it out. We've been long distance for over a year now and I honestly can't say when we'll be closing the distance.

[garnet]

If your visits are rare, longer is harder, imo. For me, I was already 28, so I definitely had a "too long." It just didn't have an exact limit. It did have to be working towards distance closing. A plan, in motion. You know, after we knew together was our goal, next goal was making it happen.

[Haley53]

For me, we have a general timeline of LD until 2014, where we'll be living together while he's here on a Work Visa, and if all goes well, we'll be looking to be married/have him here on a K-1 (still haven't decided which route to go, but if we went the K-1...) in 2016/2017. So that's around 6 years max? Being honest, depending on the circumstances, I don't think I could do a LDR for more than seven years.

[Sora1101]

I couldn't give you an exact answer, some days I feel like I could wait years and years to be with him and other days I feel like even just waiting the 3 years I'll have waited before we close the distance is too long. All I can say is when you have less visits you're more likely not willing to wait as long. But I guess my range would be 5 years before I really had to re evaluate our situation.

[Moon]

For me, I'm not interested in having more children and I don't really care about marriage, so I'm not too concerned about a timeline. When the time, situation and circumstances are right for us both, we'll worry about it then. I don't love the distance, but I love the man, so I'm OK with being patient, even though we only get 3 - 4 visits a year. I think if I was just starting out in life and trying to get my future plans in order, it would be different though.

[Sierra]

It really depends on the couple, and where the people are in their lives. For me, maximum is 18 months.

[LeilaniJoi]

For us, the 2 or 3 weeks between visits was too long. We were both in a point in our lives when we didn't want to wait so when the circumstances offered up a job for me, I moved... I know in our case at least, we NEEDED to be together. It wasn't a question of could we hold out, but there was this great aching need that only being as close as possible would solve. We still are that way, and though we both work hard full time, our downtime is spent always with each other. I've never had that kind of feeling with anyone else ever, so it pretty much told us what we needed to do and then it was just putting it into motion.

[Minerva]

Like Moon, my SO and I are both a bit older and have had our children, and I'm in no hurry to get married. Because of the ages of our children, we're looking at 9 years of waiting. And if that sounds like a lot, well we think so too! But since we are older, we're both established in careers, which means we have more money to travel than, say, a college couple. Since it's so far off, we don't talk about closing the distance much.

The other advantage of being older is that I know he's the one and this is worth fighting for. I'm not going to let the distance get between us. I've had some really awful relationships with men I shouldn't have wanted to cross the street for; my SO is different. I won't give up.

He said something really profound to me the other day. He said all the relationships and life experiences in his past have led up to me, and have taught him the difference between things that are hard and things that are bad. What we have is hard, but it's good. And we won't let the hard stop us. 9 years or 9 days, he's who I love, and I'll wait.

[CanadianGirl]

My hands are tied really. Have to wait until I'm done with my undergrad, so that's at least 2.5-3 years longer. We see each other for a couple weeks every 4 months, because that's what the term schedule allows. As soon as frigging possible, we'll be together. As long as we have that plan, I'll wait as long as it takes. If it was undecided, I wouldn't be able to handle it for longer than a year.

[kiara_silver]

I'd like to say that I could do forever if I have to, but honestly I don't know if I could handle being in a LDR for to long. Im struggling with these 7 more months. But at the same time I know I could never leave my SO, I need him, I would rather hurt and be lonely, knowing I will have happy moments with him, even if its not permanent, then to not have him as my love because the distance gets hard. We plan to close the distance as soon as possible. Within this next 2 years. I don't think I could handle 5-10 years like some are able to. Then again, you take it a day at a time. Eh this questions to hard, Idk.

[Zephii]

For me "too long" is not knowing when, or not having a plan. I couldn't do what so many people here manage - Being in a committed relationship for years, without knowing when the distance will end. As soon as Obi and I were officially together we made a plan to close the distance - at least temporarily so we'd know if we actually had something worth changing everything in our lives for. This time, I don't have an exact date, but I know it's less than four months, and our plans are all based on what our governments will permit us to do - but not a single one of those plans involves staying long distance.

At this period in my life, it's all ready too long lol. I can't consent to being long distance for years. Being together has always been the goal for both of us. When things crop up in our lives, like me needing to get post-secondary education or him needing to get work experience in his country before moving overseas, we make the sacrifices and find a way to do those things together (ie CDR). But, that's easy for me to say. I don't have kids or an ex tying me down (which I think would be the most insurmountable thing in a LDR) I don't mind putting this relationship before my carrer, and we have family on both sides of the ocean willing to help us out.

If we had to be long distance long term? I can't even see how that would happen! But in the highly unlikely event that happened... I really don't know. As long as he was able to meet my needs as a partner, and I was able to do the same for him, we'd tough it out. However long that needed to be.

[Fyrestar]

/gone

[Dauntedpoet]

I am in the same place as Moon and Minerva. I have 2 children one fully grown one that is 7. He never wanted children of his own, but takes great pride in his relationships with my children. Since I have my children and have been married I don't feel as though I'm missing out on anything by waiting.

I have been in love with my SO 9 years. He's been my best friend, and I his, for 12 years. We've been in a relationship 4 years this month... with no chance of closing the distance for at least another 2 years maybe. There just isn't a 'too long' for us.