So much for a comfort words....

[uniquefem]

Three days ago i loose my beloved cat.. two muscular pittbulls belong to my neighbor escape and literally chew my poor cat to death. Its really traumatize the whole family, me, my mom and sisters. I was being tough, i said to everyone its ok, lets get another cat, wont be the same.. don't cry and etc try to made joke so everyone laugh and not sad anymore.

Inside i was devastated... he was my cat, i raised him, feed him... i name him. But i don't want to made everyone more sad, so i just pretend to be tough so everyone see, if i am ok, there was no reason for them to be more sad than me.

Only place who i could share the tears and story and my feelings just my SO. So i told him what happens in very long offline chat and then at night when i see him online i add some more, expressing how sad i was. But, the only thing i got from him was:
Sorry to hear about your loss, you should keep your cat at home.

One single line, and he told me i should keep my cat at home (blaming me?). And that's the only line he wrote that night after my long story written on his offline (on gtalk if its offline it will be sent as a mail, so he wont missed it)

I just feel... i was supporting him when he got troubles, and said lots of words to comfort to made him feel easier, to support him... i don't expect him to come down here to hug me, to wipe my tears, just comfort words... and its not all the time.

I was so sad and disappointed. I just don't want to talk with him. And its two nights already.

He mailed me last night, asking if i were mad at him, and adding that he will be busy for this week going back and forward Stuttgart... and he said he did already say sorry for my loss. I reply it and explain why i mad, i say i was disappointed because after all long msg i sent him he only reply with one line like he was not care. That all things that matter for him is matters for me, why can't he do the same? my cat matters, why can't he at least "PRETEND" to care about my cat???


Guys and girls, need your opinion on this;
Is it wrong for me to ask for more than just a line of sentence? is it wrong for me to feel disappointed and mad? why i feel more sad now?

(no, its not my PMS time)

[Ms.Justine]

Hmmm this is tricky. Well I want to say I am honestly deeply sorry for your loss. I actually just had to put down my beloved Golden Retriever 'Rocky' I had him since I was 10 years old and he got so sick the vets couldn't do anything for him. It was a really hard loss for my family as well as some of the neighbors who knew him as well. My SO bought our family a card and wrote down a lovely message about how even though he didn't know Rocky as well as we did he knew that the dog meant a lot to us etc etc. So with that said, I feel as though your SO probably should have showed some more compassion over the situation. However, some people just aren't pet people they don't know the joys of having a beloved pet. Perhaps maybe your SO is one of them? Try not to be mad at him just explain to him you are really hurting about this situation and say I just need a shoulder to lean on..sort of thing.

Hope this helped. c:

[Minerva]

*hugs*

I'm so sorry for what happened to your cat. I'd be devastated if something like that happened to my cat. I know how losing a pet leaves a hole in your heart, and it's even worse when people don't understand how much it hurts. I hope you feel better soon.

Your SO probably doesn't understand how much a pet can mean. Not everyone gets that bond. In his mind, he probably thinks it's just a cat and he did enough. But he should not be measuring your grief by how he would feel in the same situation -- that's not how empathy and compassion work. He should focus on the fact that his girlfriend is hurting a great deal and is looking for support. No, what he said isn't enough. And you need to tell him. Tell him it doesn't matter why you're upset or if he understands what it's like to lose a pet - only that he's there for you when you need him, no matter what the reason.

Talk to him, and see if you can make him understand.

*hugs again*

[uniquefem]

Hmmm this is tricky. Well I want to say I am honestly deeply sorry for your loss. I actually just had to put down my beloved Golden Retriever 'Rocky' I had him since I was 10 years old and he got so sick the vets couldn't do anything for him. It was a really hard loss for my family as well as some of the neighbors who knew him as well. My SO bought our family a card and wrote down a lovely message about how even though he didn't know Rocky as well as we did he knew that the dog meant a lot to us etc etc. So with that said, I feel as though your SO probably should have showed some more compassion over the situation. However, some people just aren't pet people they don't know the joys of having a beloved pet. Perhaps maybe your SO is one of them? Try not to be mad at him just explain to him you are really hurting about this situation and say I just need a shoulder to lean on..sort of thing.

Hope this helped. c:

Sorry for your dog my cat just one and half year old, barely could fight with other cat, just chubby happy cat that made everyone at my neighbor happy because he often visit people there (babies and older people) to entertain them with his silly things.

That was the funny part, while other people like neighbor able to say lots of things about my cat, and things like ohh you must be feeling very sad now, etc he just said i should keep my cat at home.

I did say that on my reply to him last night, that i need him to comfort me because he is matters for me. He had pet sometimes... even picture with a cat when he was a toddler, but he said its not for long time-when he had the cat...maybe you right he's not a pet person.

Thanks for the comment... sad for your dog too..

[uniquefem]

*hugs*

I'm so sorry for what happened to your cat. I'd be devastated if something like that happened to my cat. I know how losing a pet leaves a hole in your heart, and it's even worse when people don't understand how much it hurts. I hope you feel better soon.

Your SO probably doesn't understand how much a pet can mean. Not everyone gets that bond. In his mind, he probably thinks it's just a cat and he did enough. But he should not be measuring your grief by how he would feel in the same situation -- that's not how empathy and compassion work. He should focus on the fact that his girlfriend is hurting a great deal and is looking for support. No, what he said isn't enough. And you need to tell him. Tell him it doesn't matter why you're upset or if he understands what it's like to lose a pet - only that he's there for you when you need him, no matter what the reason.

Talk to him, and see if you can make him understand.

*hugs again*

Thanks for the understanding maybe they think its just a pet... but for some people pets are really matters thing for them not just accessory that match with your bag or shoes. They somehow give warmth to your heart and made you smile when you feel sad. Thats what others who doesn't have a pet don't know.

He had pets sometimes, i think it was last year he also loose his cat.

I like the point you say here, no matter what i need him and his support and he should understand that and be there for me.. at least through comforting words.

I will talk to him tonight, he didn't reply my mail again last night. I am just afraid i just being silly because i ask for more than just a line sentence for comfort.

Thank you.....

[Leigh]

I know how you feel. I'm sorry that happened to your cat. I had my dog killed by a pit bull and she was at home. So don't feel bad. Some people who never had a pet don't understand.

[LeilaniJoi]

Some people don't understand the bond with a pet and then there are others that just aren't comfortable handling something like this. They truthfully don't know what to say to make it right, so they don't say much at all. I lost my baby, my big old black Sham cat, to a dog too and omg, I cried for weeks afterwards. My husband at the time just didn't get it.. he knew I was hurting but couldn't "fix" it so he just stayed silent mostly and let me grieve. When I lost my dog this summer, the only animal I'd been able to get close to since Sham really outside of my horses, same thing... my SO just kind of stayed quiet about it and let me grieve.

Maybe your SO just feels kind of helpless and doesn't really know what to say because nothing he says is going to really be enough to make things better and that is his way of dealing with your hurting?

[Lissy]

I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss. Losing pets is so difficult, especially in such an unexpected way. I've had pets of mine pass away in unpleasant ways, and it can be very traumatic. People who don't have pets might not understand that they're a part of your family, like your children, and that you love them dearly. I agree with what everyone else said about talking to your SO. I hope he can support and comfort you. *hug*

[Mara]

*hugs* I don't think you are being unreasonable, but I wouldn't be too upset with him as I just think he probably doesn't understand how you feel. I am truly sorry for your loss though. I cried tons when I lost the cat that I had from a toddler until I was a teenager, but I don't think unless someone has had that bond with a pet than can understand the loss because it really isn't losing a "pet" it's like losing a family member.

I know your SO cares deeply for you; I just think he didn't understand how you really felt.

[garnet]

I'm so sorry for your loss. That is just terrible.

As for your boyfriend, I agree that he is probably just clueless. Doesn't understand what it means, and how unbelievably hard it is, when a member of your family has four legs, and you lose them.

That being said, I would feel EXACTLY as you do. And I would tell him how I feel. You lost someone very special to you, that deserves more than a line. A kind of accusatory line at that!

I hope he comes to realize how much you're hurting, and helps you heal. Again, I'm so sorry.

[kiara_silver]

I think I would feel hurt too. I wouldn't get to upset with him, like others said maybe he isn't a pet person. But you said you had left him a long message, and clearly showed him how hurt and distrait you were. And as your SO he should know when you need comfort. That bieng said it can be hard to comfort someone in a LDR and maybe he was at a loss of words and didn't know what to say? Or was in a rush read what you said then quickly replied? I would talk to him about it though so he knows how you feel.
And im sorry for your loss, I know when I lost some of my pets I cried and was hard losing your friend.

[Laura_N]

I am too very sorry for your loss.

I can relate to that... I had three cats at my mother's, two of them were mine, but I couldn't keep them here because I live in a dormitory and they were used to being outside. However, my mom's boyfriend's daughter is very badly allergic to cats, so we had to put the oldest cat to sleep and give my cats to a new family. I was so sad. I kept seeing dreams about my other cat coming back home, and the situation wasn't any easier for me when I found out she had been three weeks missing. Until she appered at our doorstep. Then a couple of weeks after she appeared to our doorstep for the second time. And again, some weeks later, she came back to us for the third time. She walks to us from the other side of the town. My cat returning to us keeps breaking my heart and having to give her away time after time... We're currently moving, so it worries me what will happen when the cat realizes she can't come back. And we've had to put another cat to sleep too, about two years ago. It wasn't easy either.

So I know about loss. It's awful, and I'm so sorry you had to go through it in such a way. I really wish you all the best. x x x

When it comes to your SO... I think he might have been just really busy and didn't think too much. My SO sometimes gets the same way. She's too occupied with something and doesn't pay much attention to what she might or might not say. I think it's natural and OK to feel what you're feeling, I know I would be quite pissed off and hurt too if I was in your place. Just be honest with him. And not all men are that great with handling emotions, so I'm pretty sure he isn't cold or anything like that, he just wasn't being very mindful.

Take care

[lucybelle]

I'm so sorry for your loss. That is just terrible.

As for your boyfriend, I agree that he is probably just clueless. Doesn't understand what it means, and how unbelievably hard it is, when a member of your family has four legs, and you lose them.

That being said, I would feel EXACTLY as you do. And I would tell him how I feel. You lost someone very special to you, that deserves more than a line. A kind of accusatory line at that!

I hope he comes to realize how much you're hurting, and helps you heal. Again, I'm so sorry.

Ditto to this. Some people who have never had pets don't understand what it's like to lose them. Tell him how you feel!

I got a rescue dog about 2 months ago and only 2 days after I got her she pulled out of her harness and ran into the street. A car almost ran her over but managed to stop in time. I only had that dog for 2 days and I know I would have been absolutely devastated if she was even hurt that day.

[kteire]

My SO would definitely not understand if I lost a pet. He's always had family pets, but he doesn't bond with them, so I'd expect a similar response from him. If it's really bugging you, tell him. His reply did sound rather short and slightly accusatory, and I can completely understand you being upset with that.

I'm so sorry for your loss Irresponsible pet ownership makes me so angry... This is no one's fault but the people who raised those pit bulls to be vicious animals. Poor kitty.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I lost a dog I'd had for 13 years back in March this year, and he was like a member of the family. He had his own personality, he was loved to bits and he was every bit human as I am in so many ways. We also lost 2 cats to deliberate poisoning a short while back too, because the neighbours hated us and wanted to get their own back on us for something extremely petty. They were both less than 3 years old. I can understand how you feel, and I'm truly sorry. *hugs*

Your SO probably doesn't get what it's like to own a pet and then bond to it so much that it becomes almost like another person to you. I'd feel upset if I'd been told a similar thing too by my SO. Talk to him about it and tell him how it made you feel.