She's Dying.

[Haley53]

Some of you may remember my thread about sending my SO's mother warm fuzzies due to her being in the hospital. The prognosis then was that she'd be okay. She's not.

She was in for an infection that had/later (not clear on the details) spread to her blood, and due to what chemo has done to her white blood cell count, she's been unable to fight it off, even with the assistance of three separate antibiotics. I also believe she received a brain scan, but I'm not sure my SO has been given the details and I'm not about to request them from him. It's been frustrating since he was not ever listed by his mother as "next of kin"; it's understandable - no parent would ever hope for that burden to fall on their child - but it's difficult considering he's the one who's been caring for her day in and day out for years and here he can't receive any information about her other than what he receives through a third party (his aunt or uncle). However, it was confirmed yesterday that she is dying, and she's expected to pass as soon as Sunday. It's more or less a waiting game though in her current mental state, I don't feel it's going to be too long before she finally passes: she is suffering from confusion, delirium, hell, she had to be sedated the other night because she wouldn't stop trying to tear out her IVs and the other wires and climb out of bed... What he's going through is absolutely unfathomable and my heart is shattered for him. Though I went through something similar, I've never been through this, and I feel madly and completely helpless.

I'm not sure what's going to happen if she passes. I am praying that their other family will come through if need be. I would do anything and everything in my power to prevent him from having to live with his father. Although he is 18, nearly 19, and although his father has not lived with them for ages, his father is still listed as a tennant on their household. His brother is 15. I believe that if worst came to absolute worst, his brother could actually choose to live with him, the older sibling, and the government would help provide for that, but gah. The situation is so unbelievably shitty. :/ And I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve by posting this. Maybe I simply need to get it off my chest, though any advice would be appreciated. My mother did say we could find a way to work it out so that he could come out here, and stay with us for a while, but he, understandably, will not leave his brother (even with family) - they need each other - but he says once his brother is fine to leave with family, it's something he'll hope to do. Until then, though, I'm not sure what I can do other than to be there for him and support him the best I can. :/ Please, please keep my SO and my SO's family in your thoughts.

EDIT -- He texted me a little bit ago. She passed away this morning.

[Xanahtas]

This is terrible! All i could suggest is you give him and his brother your full support and stay strong for them. Its all you really can do i think. and maybe if you could afford to - fly out there to be with him for a few days? But obviously thats not always an option >.<
I'd say to just support him, be there for him, and do all you feel you can >.<
I will have them all in my thoughts and i will hope and pray that they all pull through. I'm here too if you wanna talk xxx

[Haley53]

My issue with flying out is that I'd have money for plane fare by December, and that's only plane fare. Dublin is an expensive European city and considering all the changes he and his family are going to have to go through - for example, his aunt and cousin are currently supporting them with food/shopping - I don't want to be an imposition. :/ The only reason I was able to afford a month's stay there was because I had a place to stay and only had to help out with food, even if I primarily fronted that responsibility. It's also several hundred to get there, and that's at least, not to mention that I have school until 6 December, which I start again on 3 January. That's why it was suggested that he come here, simply because it's more doable. I had considered, perhaps, trying to fly his brother out as well, but his brother has such severe anxiety and has everything on his gaming computer there at home that I think pulling him away from all that would make things worse. So for now it seems like it's a waiting game for me/him, too, unless some miracle comes through.

Thank you, though, your post meant a lot. <3

[LatinButterfly]

Oh wow, I am so sorry this is happening, I will keep them in my prayers. - Hugs-

[Laura_N]

I am really sorry to hear about this, and I really want to say that my thoughts are with you all. I haven't really been in a similar situation, but my uncle's girlfriend passed away at summer. She had a cancer, she got a little better and then suddenly all worse... My mother was very down about it and I didn't really know what to do, either. All I can do is wish you guys all the best and send you some big warm hugs. xxx You will be in my mind.

[Rugger]

I'm so sorry to hear about this. I think all you can do is be there to cushion his fall. Just tell him if and when he needs to talk, that you will listen and that you support and love him no matter what.

[Sharon Q]

My mom is dying, She has cancer, The doctors aren't talking time. but they have told her to get comfortable because there is nothing they can do for her. It sucks the most you can do is be supportive at this point and let him know you'll do what you can to help, I know being there may not seem like enough but just being there for him will help a lot

[Haley53]

Thank you everyone for your support, and Sharon, I'm sorry to hear that you've been affected by it too. My family lost my grandmother (on my mother's side) to cancer. It's a very hard thing, even when not talking time. :/ <3

He has told me that I help, and he loves the stuffed dog that I sent him, says he's been clinging to it and cuddling it almost nonstop. :/ I will be sending him part of what I was saving until his birthday/Christmas soon, and I'm going to be helping him afford credit for his cell phone so that he can text or ring to let me know that he needs me to call/hop online. I'm pretty readily available, even if there are some times, during class or work, where I won't be available for 1-2 hours at a time.

@Laura_N -- This was very sudden as well, and up until the other day the doctors were more or less telling everyone she was going to make it, despite her hospital stays being continuously extended. :/ It started with her having a day of what everyone passed off as "tired" confusion. The next day it had gotten considerably worse, I had him ring an ambulance, they deemed her okay, but the next day she ended up having to go to emergency and was diagnosed with an infection and a fever of 103 F. And it's been downhill since. :/ But this has literally happened over the past 9 days. It's happened so quickly, the poor things.



My mother did say that both he and his brother are welcome out here if and when we can arrange it, so at least that will be an option as well.

[Minerva]

*hugs*

I'm so sorry to hear about this. I can't imagine how hard this is for your SO and his brother, and how helpless it must feel to not be able to be there. It sounds like you are doing all you can to help, and I'm sure he's thankful for it. Ugh. Just such a sad situation.

My thoughts are with you, your SO, and his family.

[Xanahtas]

It sounds like your doing all you can, which is all you can really do in this situation =/ Its a shame you couldnt be there, flights are expensive. I cant imagine what you and them are all going through Maybe, you could send him a video recording of you saying something sweet and comforting? I know my SO did this for me when i was going through a rough stage. It made me feel better - and now i watch it when i feel down >.< Its a cheesy idea but can be very comforting. Could email it or send it on a USB or disk.
As i said before, your all in my thoughts <3 x

[Haley53]

Yes, I was planning on including a video. We all pitched in to buy him a chocolate penguin - it's a huge penguin with a bow tie - since penguins are his favourite animal and also his totem/power animal. I bought him some Goldfish because he loved them when I brought them over and they don't have them there. I got him some toys, and I'll be sleeping in a shirt and sending that, as well, so that it has my scent on it and it's something he can draw comfort from. I was planning on making a video and sending that as well... But another idea that came to mind was to do a blog. I will still be sending the package, but I may be compiling a password-protected blog that only he can access that has quotes and videos and songs and little writings and "assignments," so to speak. I haven't planned it out fully but I do think I'm going to get started on it.

Thank you, everyone, again for your support. :/ It really is a tough thing. No one should lose their mother and best friend at bloody 18 and 15. It's just so, so sad. :/ It shatters me. Even knowing that there is always some greater purpose, even knowing that a death is always, always followed by a new beginning, it shatters me. I have actually set up an appointment with my old therapist to deal with this on a conscious level, so that should help as well, as I imagine she'll also be willing to share and discuss techniques that might be helpful.

[Haley53]

He texted me tonight. She passed away this morning.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I'm so sorry =[ *hugs*

[Minerva]

*hugs*

My thoughts are with you all tonight.

[alw83]

I am so sorry for your SO and brother and for you. I cannot imagine being in that spot and I hope and pray that there is some way he and his brother can come out there with you and your family. I think it sounds like you are doing the best you can from such a distance and I am sure that it is helping him, but I understand you feel like your hands are tied and you are helpless. Still I am sure that what you are doing is helpful for him, just knowing you are there for him must mean so much.