ALL THESE GIRLS AHHH!!

[Bethypoo]

Yea, seriously, you need to stop being paranoid. You are over reacting and just need to calm down. There is nothing to worry about.

[Sharon Q]

you see so many girls here that were just friends with their now SOs when they were in a relationship with someone else, and after they got together, so i dont believe in guys/ girls relationships, the exception is if the guy is gay or the woman is lesbian, all the guy friends i had that were straight tried something with me sooner or later. so now i only have one guy friend that i talk on ocasion, and he is my sos best friend, so i only see him when we are together and its a completely different situation.

Now I have to say I disagree with this.

Most of my friends are male. I have one friend whom I stay the night with on occasion and my SO knows about it, However he did get to meet him and he even stayed the night with my friend and I as well.

My SO has no problem that I stay the night with him, NOW if it was some guy who he hardly knew and I randomly wanted to stay the night with... My SO would be upset. However I would never do that to him.

Now if it were a situation where one of my friends got kicked out and I had my own place and that friend needed a place to stay then My SO would be understanding, But we would go over rules and I would have the friend meet my SO over webcam or something so that it was clear I wanted nothing to do relationship wise with my friend.

Just talk to him and set ground rules. If he has a whole place to his self than he shouldnt have her in the same room, However if he is in a dorm or something thats a different story.

[Engel]

Now I have to say I disagree with this.

Most of my friends are male. I have one friend whom I stay the night with on occasion and my SO knows about it, However he did get to meet him and he even stayed the night with my friend and I as well.

My SO has no problem that I stay the night with him, NOW if it was some guy who he hardly knew and I randomly wanted to stay the night with... My SO would be upset. However I would never do that to him.

Now if it were a situation where one of my friends got kicked out and I had my own place and that friend needed a place to stay then My SO would be understanding, But we would go over rules and I would have the friend meet my SO over webcam or something so that it was clear I wanted nothing to do relationship wise with my friend.

Just talk to him and set ground rules. If he has a whole place to his self than he shouldnt have her in the same room, However if he is in a dorm or something thats a different story.

well, if you have a male friend you spend the night with i dont see how you can complain of your doing the same. equal rights for both parts. dont do to the other what you wouldnt like to be done to yourself and so forth.

but as the op complained about the girl sleeping in her sos house, maybe she doesnt do the same?


hey, if someone here has a friendship with someone from the opposite sex and it works for them, great! i just stated what i saw on my personal experience, and it would be something that would be a deal breaker for me, i knew people would get to me because of this comment, but i do feel strongly about this.


but does the op also sleeps over at male friends house? what works in one relationship
9and hey, awesome it works for you!) may not work for the other. just saying for me it doesnt work, i wouldnt feel confortable with that while being in a relationship.

[rusty15]

TOTALLY UNDERSTAND YOU RIGHT NOW

just step away from facebook, keep yourself busy!! do homework, work out, watch tv, read a book, do anything to not think about it.

[Haley53]

I feel liberal when I would be fine with my partner having someone sleep in the same room or, under very certain/specific conditions, sharing a bed (top and tail). However, I also have an immense amount of faith in my partner. A part of that may have to do with that he's told me he would never, under any circumstances, share a bed with another girl and he'd sleep on the floor if it meant avoiding it, and for me, it would be the same given the situation, but even before he gave me that reassurance, I didn't have an issue with it. Why? Because I whole-heartedly trust my partner, and though I may communicate the occasional insecurity, I'm not going to project my insecurities on to him.

I agree with Engel in that it can be hard to be "friends only." By that I mean it's been difficult for me to maintain opposite sex friendships without them developing feelings for me, and that sounds vain as hell, I realise this, but it's not been uncommon for someone to come clean about having developed feelings for me throughout the friendship. Hell, even one of my old gay friends said if he were straight or if I were a man, he'd be interested in dating me. Of course, this has not happened in all cases, but it has in a lot. That said, for me, whether or not I remain friends with the person depends a lot on how they relate to me. For example, I had no idea my current partner was interested in me while I was dating my ex. :P Apparently he had quite significant feelings and not only that, but jealousy as well. But he didn't "come clean," and why? Because he, and I quote, "didn't want to interfere with our relationship." To me, that level of respect is what makes it possible to maintain a friendship with someone of the opposite sex. Not whether or not the feelings develop, but whether or not the relationship is respected. I've kicked some people out of my life for not respecting my relationship, and I will continue to do so, but I wouldn't stop hanging out with people of the opposite sex.

For me, that would be the dealbreaker. In fact, what presented a significant strain on my relationship with my ex was his decision to try and ban me from having male friends (it's possible this was a projection, as I do have some evidence/suspicion of him cheating on me, though not hard evidence). It's not something I put up with because it feels bloody controlling. I watched my father isolate my mother from male friends and I swore I'd never let anyone pull that on me. My SO is aware of this and has been since day one. He's also aware that I will trust him until he gives me a reason not to. I don't think anyone has a right to dictate anyone else's friends. Talk about discomfort and what can be done to alleviate it? Maybe, but let insecurities run rampant and ban your partner from this, this, or that? No. You're only going to foster your insecurity if he bends and caters to it, to be frank. This is something I do think you should talk out with him, but it's also something I think you should put effort into changing, because he's going to be coming into contact with females all his life. If he's anything like me, you wanting to restrict him from these female friends will build resentment and/or it will hinder your relationship in some significant way. It could end up being something he turns on you in the future. etc. Either way, if he bends to this, it's not going to fix the problem. My advice is to talk with him about your discomfort and see what you can do in the meantime/temporarily, but overall, this is an insecurity you are going to have to work through if you ever want a relationship to work and work well.

[nic&matt]

There always has to be that one girl who gets the stud. Why can't it be you?
Confidence keeps them. You know you're good, you know he's lucky. Keep it up and he'll never have any thought of turning his head.
Trust and communicate if it keeps going on. To much maybe to much and all in all, a guy with 500 girl friends and one guy friend probably needs to re-evaluate. Guys need their guys and girls need there girls too.

[heylittlekrissy]

If this is just a moment on insecurity from the OP, please ignore the rest of my post.

Otherwise, this really comes down to trust and boundaries. Boundaries that, in a case like this, should be discussed in a relationship. If you don't want him sleeping in the same room with a female, even one who is just a friend, he has no interest in, she has no interest in him either, kind of friend, then you should convey this to him, but know that you if you ask him not to do so, you should respect the same boundaries. If this is an issue of trust, then yes, that definitely needs to be discussed, because trust is a huge part of LDR's, and relationships in general.
If he has not shown interest in any of these girls, and if they are respecting that he is in a relationship, then I would try not to worry too much. If these girls don't seem to respect that he already is committed, then you have every right, imo, to discuss with him your feelings about that.

[Sharon Q]

well, if you have a male friend you spend the night with i dont see how you can complain of your doing the same. equal rights for both parts. dont do to the other what you wouldnt like to be done to yourself and so forth.

but as the op complained about the girl sleeping in her sos house, maybe she doesnt do the same?


hey, if someone here has a friendship with someone from the opposite sex and it works for them, great! i just stated what i saw on my personal experience, and it would be something that would be a deal breaker for me, i knew people would get to me because of this comment, but i do feel strongly about this.


but does the op also sleeps over at male friends house? what works in one relationship
9and hey, awesome it works for you!) may not work for the other. just saying for me it doesnt work, i wouldnt feel confortable with that while being in a relationship.

I was simply stating that male and females can maintain a mutual friendship. It depends on the guy and girl involved tho.
I had a friend who is no longer friends with any male friends other than her husband and two other males because all of her male friends would try to jump her any chance they got and when she declined they would threaten her.

It really depends on the friends involved.

None of my male friends have ever tried to step out of the friend zone, I suppose thats because I act more like a male than I do a female sometimes. lol.


Anyway to the OP

What works for some will not work for all. Just because I stay the night with a guy friend doesnt mean that the same thing should be normal for you. In fact I find it to be abnormal for most couples. If you would not feel comfortable with this girl staying with him than let him know and explain why. If he does not respect it and refuses to put your worries to rest then perhaps you two need to have a talk and evaluate where you each stand in the relationship.

You should both be respectful of each other's wants and needs and work to a compromise.

Perhaps he is like me. The reason I started staying the night at my male friends house was because at the time I had no female friends to spend time with and I needed out of the house.

None the less if you are worried something will happen between them than the issue needs to be brought to his attention.

[MadMolly]

I have male friends who have no interest in me. I have HAD male friends who did show an interest in me and as a result, we're not really friends anymore. It is possible.

[Rugger]

I disagree with the side of " Males and Females can't JUST be friends". My best friend in the entire world is male. We've been friends for 11 years. Neither of us have ever done anything with each other. We've never kissed. We've never dated. We've never had feelings for each other. Everytime I sleep over his house all the time, because when we drink, I don't want to be driving home. I sleep on the couch downstairs and he sleeps in his room. We went to prom together. We went to weddings together. We are simply friends. Nothing more. My boyfriend is completely fine with the relationship I have with my best friend. He knows that I love him more than anything in the world.

OP,if it was a close friend of his that was coming to stay, someone that he's known for a long time, I would have to say you are overreacting. They weren't sleeping in the same bed. If it was someone he'd just met, I'd be a little miffed. You need to talk to him about ALL of it. Talk to him about how you feel uncomfortable about all these girls. He's not going to know unless you tell him so.

Also, You need to work on your insecurity. I must have posted this on this forum multiple times, but I'll post it again. LDRs are NOT easy. They are heartbreaking and stressful. One does not enter into one lightly. If he's battling the distance to be with you, it's because he wants to be with you, and only you. You need to realize that. You need to work on being more confident in yourself.

[Madge]

I feel like this is a rant from the OP If not, then I suggest like what other posters have stated and perhaps talk about boundaries and tell each other what you accept and what you don't.

[11MikesGirl21]

I have to agree and disagree with the whole guy/girl friendship thing. I personally have a group of close guy friends, who are mutual friends of me and my SO, who I have no interest in and they all say they have no interest in me. They've also taken it upon themselves to watch out for me if I need it of their own accord while my SO and I are at a distance. However, other guy friends I'm not as close with have suddenly made their presence known since my SO and I went long distance this year. These were friends I met in classes, or working orientation and things like that, and don't really see outside of class or other than walking around campus or if I have no one to sit with at the dining hall I'll sit with them. One of them laid it on pretty thick, still does from time to time, but I've spoken to him at the request of my SO, and we now keep our distance, we're polite but we keep our distance.

So it can go both ways. And I'm in college so I see too many "omg he was just a friend until we got drunk...." nights to really believe you can ever be just friends.

[WakeUpSusie]

Some of my best friends in the world are male. There is nothing at all between us, we're just very close friends. If my SO ever told me I couldnt be friends with them anymore, or was constantly questioning my faithfulness despite knowing better, I would probably leave him. My friends mean way too much to me to be cut out of my life because of someone else's groundless insecurity. Luckily, my SO is incredibly trusting (as he should be!) and gets along fantastically with all of my friends, male and female. Makes my life easier

[megfashion]

hiya... sorry for not replying quickly. got very very upset last night so just ended texting with everyone (i said to him im just abit upset right now and its best if we didnt text, to which he said alright night i love you to which i said night i love you back). then i had a uni open day to go to today.

yes, it was a rant. yes, i do trust him. yes, i am very hurt that he would think its ok to let this b*tchy girl into his room.

i know about the whole "guys can be friends with girls" thing. i love talking to guys because they seem to just ommit some of the drama in everyday life. but i always tell my SO who im meeting up with and if they have tried anything on me. if they have, then i try and limit alone time with them, and if i do go out with them theres usually someone else there so its like a group thing. He, however, doesnt say anything and im left here looking on fb that all these girls, about 1 or 2 guys maybe, adding him, and pictures of him hanging out with girls....

i am going to talk to him tonight. ive said it is serious, its nothing very big but its not little either. at the moment im just not looking forward to tomorrow when i see him. i miss him like crazy, but also i just dont want to know.

i trust him with everything. but in my mind its like "why does he have so many girl-friends? do they know that he is taken? why does he only have one guyfriend n so many girl-friends, when at his old school it was so many guyfriends n not many girl-friends?"
im also going to talk to him about the whole julia. im even going to offer giving him money so she doesnt have to pay for the hotel. i feel so strongly about it.

thanks for listening to me ramble n witter on.... i feel sort of nonchalant at the moment, just dont want to feel anything.

much love.

[heylittlekrissy]

Even the least bit of insecurity can be magnified in an LDR, and it's okay to occasionally feel like this, but you just want to try not to let it affect you too often, that's all
I think you're doing the right thing by talking to him about it, so atleast you two are on the same page and maybe he can help ease your mind some. Hopefully you're talk goes well, and you'll get excited about seeing him again.