He Ended It

[heylittlekrissy]

*hugs* I am sorry to hear about that, I can only imagine how you're feeling at the moment, but it does sound like there's a really strong chance the two of you will get back together once the storm passes, and I really hope you do. Fingers crossed! And message me anytime if you need to vent <3

[CanadianGirl]

I really hope things work out again soon! This does seem temporary to me, as he hasn't tried to avoid you more or withdraw from your relationship (and "partner" is a fitting word for it). If I had to guess, it's his way of not hurting you by neglecting you right now. The title was alarming..I would rename it "He pressed the pause button".

@Minerva : Really good post. I'd give you a reputation, but LFAD says I've given you too many!

[CynicalQuixotic]

The title was alarming..I would rename it "He pressed the pause button".

I know you mean well, but this is of kind of a useless and somewhat insensitive thing to say. She can call her thread whatever she wants without resorting to euphemisms.

But I do agree that he's definitely doing this out of respect for you, Eclaire, and I really believe he loves you very much.

[CanadianGirl]

..I said that in the hopes that she looked at it differently. The point is that I hope she doesn't consider it over, which is what I got from the title. Not suggesting she literally change the title so it didn't freak people out.

[CynicalQuixotic]

..I said that in the hopes that she looked at it differently. The point is that I hope she doesn't consider it over, which is what I got from the title.

But the thing is, it's her decision to make of this situation whatever she wants. You really don't have much of a right to authoritatively tell her any different.

[CanadianGirl]

But the thing is, it's her decision to make of this situation whatever she wants. You really don't have much of a right to authoritatively tell her any different.

Of course it's all her decision. I really don't know how I came across as authoritarian. If I did, Eclaire, that wasn't the idea at all!

[Haley53]

I will have to respond more properly when I can, but thank you to everyone for your support. It means a lot. <3

CanadianGirl, no, it didn't come off that way at all. I actually didn't find it to be too insensitive. I wasn't sure what to title the thread, but settled on "He Ended It" because he did. Currently, we're no longer in a relationship with no guarantee of it being temporary. So while I'd like to believe that it is temporary, because it was never explicitly stated that it was or was not, I felt more in the moment like it might be something more permanent, and considering he can only take each day as it comes, and as such, I'm forced to as well, and because this was not something where there were agreed upon conditions as is usual in a break, I felt the title was appropriate.

EDIT -- Also, I wanted to add that as for whether or not I think it's over, I'm not sure. As for whether or not I feel it's over, well, my emotions have been up and down all day. :/ I spent the better part of it completely distraught and bawling my heart out, but at the moment, I am feeling a little bit more rational (simply exhausted and drained, hence needing to wait to respond properly until I have more energy) and am not convinced that this is "it." So as I said earlier, I really think I need to take each day as it comes, and probably each moment too. :P

EDIT #2 -- But no, CanadianGirl, you didn't offend me or come off wrong at all, so no worries.

[Jgui]

**HUGGSSS*** i am so sorry to hear keep your head up and i hope things will work out for the better. i think he is just really stressed out right now about all his other obligations that he doesn't want to feel like a baggage to you.

best wishes!! *HUGGSSS*

[Semperfikindoflove]

Keep your head up and good luck, I'm sure things will work themselves out. If you need anything please don't hesitate to ask.

[ioanna]

i'm very sorry to hear things have been hard for both of you.. *hugs*

[Engel]

*hugs*

As I've said before, this is a storm, and he isn't really himself right now. I know how hard this is for you, and I'm so sorry for how hurt you're feeling.

I don't normally think breaks work -- except in circumstances like this, where there has been such an upheaval in someone's life that they have no choice but to sit and take stock and reevaluate their life. In the end, I think this will work out. I think he just needs to rename the relationship to alleviate stress and pressure. And of course you're not the cause of any of the stress and pressure -- you've done everything right, you've been the best a person can be. But a RELATIONSHIP, flashing and all caps in his mind, might just be too much for him to cope with right now. The reality might be that nothing changes between the two of you other than the label of what you are.

And you know what? Who needs labels? You are what you are to each other, you don't need to have it defined right now. Just be kind to each other, and be kind to yourself.

*hugs* again to you, and I hope the storm soon passes for you both.

Send me a PM anytime you need to.

exactly. i think you should stuck around and support him, he will come around it.

[Laura_N]

I'm sorry to hear about this too, but I wish you both a lot of strenght and luck. Hugs there xxx

[Haley53]

I'm still not sure I'll get to everyone for a personal thank you, but I really do appreciate everyone's support and words of encouragement.

I'm not doing too well today. I went to bed feeling calm and rational about everything. I went to bed feeling like everything was going to be fine, convinced that I'm doing the right thing by persevering, convinced that we're both going to get through this, convinced that all he needs is time, but there's a part of me that's starting to feel like I'm fooling myself into believing that he could ever want me. I did the stupid thing this morning and read through some conversation history, recent history where he expressed immense feelings of love and affection, promises of wanting forever, of never wanting to let me go... And then this happens, and though I'm aware that it is such a life-changing event, I am having such a hard time not taking it personally. He himself isn't sure if or when things are going to change and that is discouraging; he says he doesn't want to lead me on or hurt me, both of which I understand and both of which are respectable, but I feel hopeless and discouraged and like this is pointless. And I'm terrified of finding out he has some other girl. Why am I so scared about another "her"? He's not like the first person I developed proper feelings for, and he's not like my ex, yet I still feel so insanely insecure. He says he still loves me, that nothing has changed, so why can't I believe it? I really feel like doing nothing but curling up in my room and crying forever. I have almost completely isolated myself from everyone. My therapist didn't show up today which has made me feel worse and quite frankly, I may skip out on going to class tonight and take my midterm and be done with it simply because I'm having trouble holding it together. "Don't let this affect your studies," my mother says, but it's not that easy. It's hard. Everything hurts. I am exhausted. I'm not sleeping. I feel depressed. I am crying. I am struggling. I am trying to cope with feelings of wanting to self-harm, and I keep feeling like the only thing that could ever possibly encompass what I'm feeling is "I want to die" even if I'm not seriously suicidal. This is too hard. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and hammered into a zillion already very brittle pieces, and I feel like I'm missing a piece of my soul.

I have one friend who is being extremely fierce about this, telling me he's an asshole (which, might I add, I disagree with entirely) and that he's ending things permanently, he's simply trying to soften the blow by saying things he doesn't mean. The thing is I disagree. The thing is I understand where he's coming from and I understand his decisions. Is it hard not to take personally? Yes, I think it's impossible to not feel unwanted and rejected through this experience, whether or not that's the truth of the matter. And I think she's wrong, and I stood up to her about it and more or less got in her face about it because I'm not going to tolerate her talking about my partner like that. And it's hard limiting what I tell her because she's my best ever friend, my sister, and it's hard accepting that on this, I may be too vulnerable to talk to her [about it], because I'm thinking I may have to limit it. But there's that nagging feeling what if she's right? What if she's right and this is going to last forever and ever? I want to believe it won't - I truly want to believe it won't - but I'm scared. I'm tired of everyone bringing up the distance, too... Whilst yes, the distance does play a part, I think it's only small compared to what he's going through; he wouldn't be any more emotionally available if I were there than if I'm here, and I know this because my own mother fell emotionally absent after the death of my grandmother. That experience would be just as painful. But I'm scared. I need him. He is the absolute love of my life, and even if he turned out not to be, our relationship is not over. It can't be. I don't want this to be the reason our relationship ended. My heart is breaking. I'm scared, because I don't think I can be friends with him only to watch him find, court, and fall in love with someone else - it would hurt too much - but maybe everyone else is right. Everyone else seems to think this is likely more a break than anything, even if they can't be in his head, that it sounds like this is the only thing negatively impacting our relationship and that he has sincere feelings for me (which I believe he does), but how do you cope with the heartbreak? How do you hang in there and hold on to faith and hope? How do you deal with the feelings and not let them seep through? He's not stupid. He can read people like a book and he can read me even better. I don't want to stress him out or pressure him further with my feelings, but I don't know how to choke them down when he can practically read my mind.

On top of all of this, my therapist did not show up today/forgot we had an appointment. I feel abandoned and angry and pissed off even though it happens. She could not have picked a worse day for that to happen.

[WakeUpSusie]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm sending prayers and good thoughts your way. No matter what happens, everything is going to work out and you will have a full and happy life.

I never understood the mindset of breaking up a good relationship because of personal/family issues. I always found that those were the times I needed my SO the most. That's just me though.

[Haley53]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm sending prayers and good thoughts your way. No matter what happens, everything is going to work out and you will have a full and happy life.

I never understood the mindset of breaking up a good relationship because of personal/family issues. I always found that those were the times I needed my SO the most. That's just me though.

Thank you for your support, and I felt the same way you did, but I suppose I have to consider it from his point of view. He's out his mother, his home, and he has a 15-year-old brother he is now expected to parent. He is going to have to become financially responsible for the both of them, even with government help. He has an abusive father who is more or less fighting for the brother's custody (as I understand it) and causing drama that should not be a factor; he already moved into their old place and changed the locks, hence why my boyfriend proceeded to move out. He's been bounced from family member to family member and is currently in a home where the cell phone signal is crappy. He can't hear out of his phone. He does not have internet access. On top of this, he has the grief of having lost his mother, which, for me, is unfathomable. They were as close as I am to my mother, and as she was to hers. I saw her go through this, too, so I think that it contributes to a little bit of my perspective. But it isn't that he doesn't want to be there or that he doesn't need me (he has, in fact, begged me not to leave, and despite that fear of abandonment, has still been completely honest with me about where he's at in the moment), it's that he can't. I'm not sure I expect too many people to understand that primarily because it took some time for me to understand it, and it's still hard for me to understand it fully, but he genuinely does not have the time or the energy to maintain a relationship, and though I have not required or asked much from him at all, I can see where, like Minerva said, the titles do add some level/component of pressure. He has had insecurities in the past about not being enough/not being what I deserve/about being a bad/inadequate boyfriend and so on, and I imagine this comes from what he was told, by his father, growing up and also due to a past relationship/past relationships. I can imagine that that plays into it as well. Do I like his decision? No. Do I agree with it? I don't know, but I understand it. This isn't some small "family/personal issue." His entire life has been turned upside down. I simply want to defend that fact, because I can see where between trying to survive the grief of his mother's death, having to take care of his younger brother, and essentially having to face moving out on his own when it was not what he had even been planning to do for some time, a relationship is the last thing on his mind.

EDIT -- I'm too lazy to edit out all the "boyfriend"s. :P It's still so subconscious/habitual that I use the phrase.