He Ended It

[Madge]

Oh Elcaire I am so sorry this has happen *biggest hugs ever being sent to you*

I can't understand what you are going through as this is such a hard situation :S If you ever need to vent you can PM if you want

I am thinking of you xx

[Malaga]

It's really hard to read this. I'm so very sorry. My heart goes out to you and I wish there was something I or anyone else could do to help you ease the hurt.
For what it's worth, it won't always be like this. You will learn to live with the situation, even the uncertainty.

Things are now out of your hands, and how scary this must be. Even the most confident would feel at least a little insecure in such a situation. There is nothing to be done here but to let things happen the way they're supposed to. But you can and should start with the healing process. I know it's hard to focus on your studies at times like these, but they are your rock, this is something that will help you weather through this. Even if at first it's just going through the motions, don't give up on things that fill out your day and build your future. University, friends, family time. I know it makes little sense if he's not there in the picture. But what you do for yourself and your future is the only certainty you'll ever have in life. Do grieve, but stay afloat. Don't sink in.

*hugs*

[Lissy]

I am just so sorry to hear all of this. About your partner's mother passing away, about the toll it's taken on him, you, and your relationship. I just want to say I respect you for not only taking this in stride, but trying to keep yourself balanced between your logic and your emotion. I find the love, care, and devotion you have to your partner, even during this time where he needed to separate himself a little, really admirable.

Having to cope with your depression and desire to self-harm right now has to be really scary and difficult. I know that we must simply take things that happen to us, however unfortunate, at face value and people in general will do what they need to in order to get through it successfully, but your position is unimaginably tough, and I still think it takes strength to do what you're doing. I think you can take comfort in the fact that your partner still obviously loves you very much, and it seems to me like he'll want to pick your relationship back up when things calm down in his neck of the woods. I really hope your therapist is able to reschedule you, or get you in very soon (what a crappy time for your appointment to fall through), because I'm sure talking it out will be one of the most helpful things at this point.

Sending love and good thoughts your way. If you ever need to talk, I'd be happy to listen.

[screammaayday]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you two do get back together when the time is right. *hugs* Sending well wishes your way.

[DemonxOisin]

If it´s any consolation, my SO went through something very similar to what you described. When it happened, I will admit that I was EXTREMELY upset over it, and told him I was either going to be a friend or his girlfriend, not something in between. So I stopped talking to him like a girlfriend would, and barely texted him. He came back to me after about 2-3 weeks. What he told me later was that he always felt miserable at not having me near, and felt like he was putting no effort into the relationship (because of how busy he was with school) and that I was the one doing everything. But when what small thing that we did have ended, he lost ALL his happiness, and he realized that being with me was by far the better alternative.

I´m not saying that is the case with your SO... But be patient. Just see what happens, because to me, it sounds like he still does love you, and just needs time to clear his head. Long Distance is difficult, and for some more than others. I´m glad you´re sticking around the forums though, because I like you Muchas bendiciónes y amor para ti! <3

[msskunk]

*hugs*

I hope you can pass the hardest time and back together in the right time. Wish you all the best.

[Bethypoo]

im sorry. We are all here if you need anything.

[Haley53]

@Malaga -- My social life, unfortunately, consists of people that I meet online. I meet people at university but often don't stay in touch simply because I have no desire to by the end of the quarter. :/ There's one girl I've been talking with with whom I might actually have the potential for a friendship, but the issue is I feel so isolated and have wanted nothing more than to be alone that I no longer have any interest in really talking with her like I did at the beginning of the quarter. I am doing my damndest to stay focused on school, however, as it is important to me and it is something I enjoy. And I keep as busy with my family as I possibly can.

What you said about getting used to the uncertainty, I realise I will eventually find my groove and settle into this current trend of "day by day" until we reach the point we're both able to make a decision for what to do, a decision that looks beyond what's happening in the "now."

To everyone, again, I appreciate everyone's support. I was telling my mother over dinner how much it meant to me. <3

@Lissy -- She was very apologetic. It turns out she thought we'd scheduled an appointment for today but when she looked in her schedule, she didn't see one written down; she'd been looking at the wrong week. She's meeting me tomorrow earlier than she would normally, and she's giving me the session for free as compensation. I'm a little bit nervous to be completely honest about how I've been feeling. I've made so much progress in dealing with the thoughts of self-harm in generally being able to cope with it (granted a lot was down to the support of my partner) that I don't want to disappoint her by how far I've slipped, even if I haven't gotten to the point of doing anything yet. And I don't want to be judged for the fact I'm feeling this way over a boy, even if she's probably the least judgmental in her field that I've worked with.

@Demon -- I do feel that he and I need to discuss the boundaries, because I'm not sure what's allowed. Like he's been able to hop on FB for a couple minutes at friends' or family's houses, and I wanted to surprise him with a message to say that I loved him, so I did. But then promptly said I wasn't sure if it was okay to send. Earlier I questioned something I asked about as well. I think he's a bit confused as to why I'm as flighty as I am, but can you blame me? :/ Like when he asked me at one point why I was so convinced he would stop telling me he loved me, I told him "because that's not what exes usually say" and that's when he said I'm not really an "ex." I imagine, however, that our discussion will follow this thing that he's written me. Once we both have time for me to sit and listen to it while he reads it and once we both have time to actually sit and talk about it, I imagine, or at least I'm hoping, things will be a little bit more clear-cut, as far as what's allowed/what isn't. :/

One again, thank you everyone, so so much.

[babiiLUV]

Just Spreading Some Of My Love And Knowledge!!
I Truly Hope Everything Works Out And I Hope This Set Back Makes Your Relationship With Him Stronger.
I Hope For The Best.
<3 *hugzzz*

[dukes2011]

I'm sorry to hear about him losing his mother and the stress you're going through too. It's definitely important for you to support him at a time like this and for you to maintain a sense of community no matter where it may be. It can really keep you grounded to talk to other people. You seem really mature and I'm sure you and your partner will figure it out with time. Hang in there and know that a lot of people are thinking of you two :-)

[Mara]

*hugs* I'm sorry the both of you are going through such a difficult time, but in the long run, this might work out best for your relationship.

[Silvaria]

*hugs* I'm sorry the both of you are going through such a difficult time, but in the long run, this might work out best for your relationship.

Agreed. Believe it or not, this -could- work out for the better.

When my SO dumped me last year, it was one of the worst things to ever happen to me...but six months later he asked me back, and that was almost nine months ago and things are much, much better than they were before. Yes, we still have our issues, but our bond is much stronger after having endured a rather lengthy separation.

Keep your chin up and come here for support and sympathy, most of us have been there at some point.

[Haley53]

Thank you everyone. <3