Misconceptions

[xsethx]

Hey all!
Been a while since I've posted... I'm working on a project on Long Distance Relationships for a college communications class, and was hoping some of you could help me out- I'm looking specifically at common misconceptions about LDR's. Any help is appreciated. Thanks!

[CynicalQuixotic]

You have to be a little more specific. Misconceptions in terms of what? The validity of long distance relationships? Their "success rate"? How intimacy is maintained when two people aren't physically near each other? We need something to go on.

[Kelly.92]

Hmmmmm.....

Some people think that you can't possibly be in a relationship that is long distance, because of lack of communication, and so you will just end up drifting apart from each other, and end up breaking it off because of the distance... NOT TRUE!!! As everyone on here will agree I am sure There are things like Skype/email/texting/phone calls that can help with that! It's hard but do-able by no means

Compatibility is waaaay more important than distance. That's how I see it.

Good luck with the project xsethx!!

[heylittlekrissy]

Does it matter if you've met in person or not?
If not, the common one I face because I have not met my SO that he's not a real person, or that he must be a serial killer.

[Minerva]

One I run up against a lot is that LDRs aren't "real" relationships. People are quick to suggest finding someone CD, as if it's easy to dump the person you love. And I see a lot of people who can't get support when they have problems in their relationship because friends and family can't understand how someone could get worked up over a non-relationship.

The other main one I find is that if you met on the internet, they're obviously lying about who they are and already have a spouse or are a serial killer.

edit: JINX on the serial killer thing, heylittlekrissy hehe

[heylittlekrissy]

One I run up against a lot is that LDRs aren't "real" relationships. People are quick to suggest finding someone CD, as if it's easy to dump the person you love. And I see a lot of people who can't get support when they have problems in their relationship because friends and family can't understand how someone could get worked up over a non-relationship.

The other main one I find is that if you met on the internet, they're obviously lying about who they are and already have a spouse or are a serial killer.

edit: JINX on the serial killer thing, heylittlekrissy hehe

Great minds think alike

[Joyce:)]

Since you're long distance your boyfriend/girlfriend is surely cheating on you, and you're a fool to think he/she's not. Baaaaaah.

[carolynred]

The one I've been confronted about at college so far is that I'm probably going to cheat on him because there are other guys right in front of me to be with, or vice versa with my SO. Of course, that's not true. If we REALLY wanted to be with someone at college, we wouldn't be in a relationship in the first place.

I've also heard that people in long distance relationships focus too much on their SO and stay locked in their room, never to come out to have fun out of fear they will miss a phone call or skype call. This too is not true. I know many people at my college who are in a LDR, including myself of course, and we all actually get together to hang out or we all do our own thing like play a sport, join a club, or go to church. We hang out with others just as much as any normal person.

Also, people think that people in LDRs ALWAYS end up going home after a few weeks in college because they miss their SO too much. Even from this site, there are plenty of people who pursue their education for many years before closing the distance.

Hope that helps! Good luck!

[Haley53]

Yes to all of the above.

Another one I hear a lot, that sort of goes off Joyce's, is the sexist idea that men aren't capable of having LDRs because of their biological needs for sex, which oftentimes translates into "I highly doubt he's never cheated or thought of cheating. It's been x-amount of time since you've seen each other. He has needs." I can speak for my partner and say that this view of men is probably one of those pet peeves that can set him off into a seething rant at the sheer "stupidity"/naivite. :P

A lot of people seem to think it's easy to transition into finding someone CD? Like I've gotten a lot of "why don't you find someone here? It's not like there's any shortage of guys/interested guys." And all I can really think is how they're missing the point.

Then there's what was mentioned, about them not being who they say they are.

There's also the misconception that physicality and sexuality are required to maintain a romantic relationship, and that there's something wrong/abnormal with anyone who seeks a relationship in which they're unable to satisfy that physical and sexual balance. Apparently they missed the lesson that sex isn't (or shouldn't be) everything.

[heylittlekrissy]

I also hear a lot of people say that there's no point in being in an LDR because your boyfriend/girlfriend is so far away and you won't get to see them much anyways.

It'll be close to 2 years of dating and 5 years of friendship before I meet my SO in person for the first time and I'm willing to wait because I care about this boy more than any other guy on this planet.

[Minerva]

Oh, another one I've heard is that people get into LDRs because they can't commit or cope with regular relationships.

[floridaellen]

I concur with everyone thinking that your SO/you must be cheating.
I have heard also that I must have a LDR because I'm too scared/nervous to have a CDR.

[kiara_silver]

As it's already been mentioned. The biggest misconception i got was that he's cheating on me, that im not the only one he's talking to online and saying things too. I got that a lot, that he's just saying what i want to hear and that he's probably saying the same thing to multiple girls.

The other misconception i got was it's not real love. That you can't fall in love with someone you've never met. I think I proved that wrong to them, my feelings are the same now as they were before we met, only difference is i can now speak up about my feelings to everyone because they can't hold the "you haven't met you can't know" line.

[Reuschel]

Since you're long distance your boyfriend/girlfriend is surely cheating on you, and you're a fool to think he/she's not. Baaaaaah.

This!!!! And I hate it because I stress enough as it is on school and such that I don't need random people trying to put things into my head.

[Engel]

Well, i havent had many misconceptions with me, really.

maybe because we didnt consider us a couple or anything before we met in person, and closed the distance reasonably fast (1 year), them started living together, and now are going to get married.

but i had many guys flirt with me while i was living in brazil, and i woud say i had a boyfriend, and they would say: where is he that he isnt here with you? and me: he is at his home in germany.

and they: i am close to you, he is not, so lets enjoy the night.


WTH, is not because im on a long distance, and my SO isnt around that i will go out and kiss someone and cheat on him.