Misconceptions

[Minerva]

Ah, another one is, if your SO is from another country, they're only with you to scam for a Visa. As if it's just that easy.

[Bethypoo]

I think all of the above. The cheating thing is big and then the next big one is that LDRs are for people who cant really stay in a relationship with people who are near you.

Besides that, i think one is that you cant really "be there" for the person that you are with. And yea, it is true you cannot physically be with the person you are with but with technology of today you can do everything but actually be right next to them. You can see them via skype and then there is phone and text. So you can really be with people and be there with out really being there. It really isnt that hard (in comparison to 20 or more years ago).

[Ms.Justine]

I think the most common misconception is that LDR's aren't real relationships. "More like glorified pen pals" is what I used to hear a lot.

[kat4301]

One misconception is that phone/skype "intimate moments" are weird or unnatural. I think people are understanding that sexuality is more fluid and that we can be flexible and still have special moments.

[Sora1101]

"you met him online he's not who he says he is, he's only in it for the sex." is one I've heard a lot, as if any guy will wait around for a year wooing a girl on the internet just to get sex or waste years of his life pretending he's something he's not. Any guy that can prove he's committed to the long haul is obviously who he says he is.

[Sunbeam]

I've heard:
--We don't have a "real" relationship, because we aren't face to face everyday.
-- He's scamming me for a Visa.
-- He's playing every online girl
-- I'm too afraid of letting someone in to have a CD relationship.

Same as everyone else really haha.

[beckychan]

Hey OP, my brother graduated from Morris! I almost went there, but ultimately I ended up at St. Cloud...

Anyway, one that I've never got myself, but I know about is that some people assume there has to be something wrong with you, which is why you can't get a real life boyfriend/girlfriend and have to turn to a virtual one. I suppose this is strictly speaking for those of us who met our SO's online.

[Silvaria]

I would have to say a huge misconception is that LDRs have higher failure rates.

Consider for the sake of simplicity that the average person has 5 serious relationships in their lifetime, with the 5th one being the last, the person with whom they grow old.

That means that four relationships failed before that one, which is an 80% failure rate!

There's zero reason to think that LDRs have a higher than 80% failure rate, especially with communication being easier than ever before via text, Skype, IMs, FB, and so on.

So when someone says to me, "LDRs tend to fail more", I ask them to prove it. They never can, so it usually shuts them up quite nicely.

[Sunbeam]

Hey OP, my brother graduated from Morris! I almost went there, but ultimately I ended up at St. Cloud...

Anyway, one that I've never got myself, but I know about is that some people assume there has to be something wrong with you, which is why you can't get a real life boyfriend/girlfriend and have to turn to a virtual one. I suppose this is strictly speaking for those of us who met our SO's online.

I get that one all the time.
Yes, I'm shyer in person, but that's not why I found my SO online.

[Malaga]

Online communication doesn't really count, only time spent in person counts. So the fact we've been together for over a year doesn't count, because we've only spent about 50 days in person, so we don't know each other well.

Also, it amazes me how many people think that people in online relationships are either predators or naive. As if you can't be just two regular people. And as if you have to be naive to trust someone you've never met in person. Sure there are naive people in online relationships, but no more than naive people in 'offline' relationships. If you can't read through bullshit over time you probably wouldn't be able to see it even if you were together in person.

[kittyo9]

My mom used to be convinced that every "friend" I made online was a predator out to get me. That included my first LDR boyfriend of one year seven months.

I also get judged frequently by people who find out we met online... I lite about out most of the time now to avoid that. I want to stop lying about it. People for some reason don't believe that you can form meaningful relationships online, even though I could easily disprove them by citing some good friends I have in the Netherlands who I have actually visited and stayed with.

The other thing I know people are always thinking is "why can't you just find someone where you are", like it's my fault that I am in love with someone so far away. That one is very disheartening.

[kittyo9]

One I run up against a lot is that LDRs aren't "real" relationships. People are quick to suggest finding someone CD, as if it's easy to dump the person you love. And I see a lot of people who can't get support when they have problems in their relationship because friends and family can't understand how someone could get worked up over a non-relationship.

The other main one I find is that if you met on the internet, they're obviously lying about who they are and already have a spouse or are a serial killer.

edit: JINX on the serial killer thing, heylittlekrissy hehe

This this this this!

If I could like all these posts, I so would.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

People have told my SO and I that we're going to fail for the simple fact that we're LD. Since when does mileage make or break a relationship? And the people who tell us this? People who have failed at it for other various reasons. Distance is hard, obviously, but it's not a guarantee that it'll fail automatically. Look at all the success stories here, and those of us who are still going after years of LD. Some do fail, things happen, but not all will fail and I wish people would understand that.

[Rosebud]

The one that bothers me the most is that we're in a LDR because we're desperate and can't get a date in real life. For starters, my boyfriend and I didn't even meet on a dating site (not that there IS anything wrong with relationships that do start on such sites) and weren't looking to start a relationship when we first met. It just sort of happened. I mostly get this reasoning since both my best friends are single at the moment and I think they're starting to feel the pressure of wanting a partner but are having difficulty in finding anyone around them. Whenever I suggest looking online there's always some quick excuse of, 'Oh, I'm not THAT desperate yet', and it makes me feel really crappy.

[xsethx]

I really appreciate ALL of your answers, thank you!