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**Sunnyside193** · November 3, 2011, 07:38 PM

That really isn't appropriate you just asked a question. You have had a similar problem like this recently haven't you? Is he always acting like this or has it just come around recently. If it's only recent there might be something happening causing him to act this way. If its not recent and you have tried telling him that it's really not appropriate to act like that and he hasn't tried to change his behaviour you have to seriously think if he is for you. Either way it is certainly not ok what he did and when he calms down and starts talking to you, make sure you tell him that.

**Eric1221** · November 3, 2011, 07:42 PM

Well we got into a fight a different time but that was resolved and things were fine up until 2day wen i asked that question. I just don't get what the big deal was.. like all he had 2 say was yes it is. instead he decided 2 be nasty about it. and thats wat i initially said 2 him and than rite away he started comparing me 2 his ex boyfriends saying that they were ******ed and even they understood. I mean I understood it was a physical test but i was just asking for the sake of asking ya kno wat i mean? Like I just don't get how thats OK to act like that but than wen i explain that im hurt he runs away and doesnt wanna "DEBATE" with me as he would say

**Babypuppy21** · November 3, 2011, 07:56 PM

I'm not sure if I should post here considering I'm rather new..But when he does calm down, I think you two should have a serious talk. Since he's metioning not wanting to have a debate try approaching the subject from a different angle maybe. You should explain that you are hurt by his words and his level of care should make him stop and think that he shouldn't want to hurt someone he cares about. ( I would say love but I don't know the details of your relationship). I hope this helps you somewhat..

**Haley53** · November 3, 2011, 07:56 PM

You did not take it personally. I don't think telling anyone that a "****** (which is an offensive and crude term in its own right) knows more" than they do would come off any less offensively in person than it does over text, neither does "you ask stupid questions." Do not let him make this out to be your fault.

My question is, has this not happened before? From your previous posts, he seems to be extremely insensitive, if not to your needs than in general, whether or not you're a sensitive person. The issue isn't with you, and I want you to see that. The issue isn't with you overreacting or being hypersensitive or asking "stupid questions" etc. The issue is with the fact he lacks basic respect for another human being, who happens to be his partner. No matter who you are or where you've been, you do not say or do the things he does to you and expect it to go over well. You do not say or do the things he does to you and expect it not to provoke an argument. You do not say or do the things he does to you and expect the other person to suck it up and take it, which seems what he's trying to mold you into doing.

Quite frankly, I would take a look, and do it from eyes as objective as possible, and look at the threads you've posted while you've been here. Out of seven threads (excluding the introduction thread), two are neutral, and only one of those two is positive. The other five are requiring support and advice of some sort. Though there is no issue coming to this forum for advice and support - it's what we're all here for - I do tend to think that what we post acts much like a diary. If we post about issues that are reoccuring or even if there are reoccuring issues regardless of what those issues are about, then I think it should be necessary to take a step back and re-evaluate the relationship at hand. When you have threads titled, "Need some support or advice or something," "I feel like my relationship is going to end," "Should I leave this relationship?" (this is a big one), and this one, "I don't really know what to think," then frankly, I start seeing that as a big red flag that's being waved right in front of you. Your boyfriend does not treat you right, he does not seem open to doing anything more than denying that fact and making the problem you/yours, and frankly, I think that the relationship is not going to get better.

Though I would typically say talk to him about it, it also seems like he's not even interested in talking. Though I would guess it's a communication error, even if you play any part in it (which I doubt), there's still the fact that no matter how you phrase it, he takes it sensitively and defensively and turns and pins it on you, which is wrong. But for as long as he's not willing to accept that the way he's treating you is wrong or even that misunderstandings oftentimes go both ways and that it takes two to tango, then it's not going to improve. Quite frankly, I don't think you're the issue here. I think that he is and I don't see this as something that's going to fix itself until he acknowledges he has a problem and does something to fix that.

**Eric1221** · November 3, 2011, 07:58 PM

thank you. Yeah wen he comes back I'm just going to say something like "Dorian.. I don't want to fight about this but what you said truly did hurt my feelings and I don't understand why you would say something like that to me if you say you love me."

**Zephii** · November 3, 2011, 08:06 PM

On one had I can almost see where he is coming from. Obi has a bad memory and on top of that sometimes he just doesn't think. He'll ask a question when he already knows the answer and it pisses me right off to the point were I will let slip a sarcastic remark here or there. That said though, your guy is taking that shit way too far and being immature.
You don't deserve to be treated like that, regardless of what kind of questions you're asking! More over, why is he still with you if you're more stupid than a ******? (I'm not saying you are, I'm saying he says he thinks you are - big difference!) Why be with someone you do not respect?

It makes no sence!

Talking over text is never a good way to resolve things, but then, it doesn't sound at all like he cares to resolve this. In short, your guy is a jerk. In the infamous words of Dan Savage DTMFA. Seriously.

**Shepard-Fowkes** · November 3, 2011, 08:09 PM

Eclaire has it right. Your boyfriend really doesn't respect you the way he should. You deserve more respect and more love from him. If he doesn't give you that, then he doesn't deserve you. Stay strong.

**Ms.Justine** · November 3, 2011, 08:14 PM

I honestly, don't think this guy had any reason to talk to you like that. Angered or not it is his responsibility to control his anger in a healthy manner. Also, you have every right to be offended he called you '******ed' - really? I would have bitched this guy out - seriously don't let him disrespect you like that. No one deserves to be talked down to. Even though he isn't physically abusing you, he is emotionally and mentally. I'd say he needs to work on his anger issues - or you need to cut your losses and end it with him. Abuse is abuse and it can scar you for life. Take control of the situation while you can.

1.) Talk to him about it - let him know it was inappropriate and he needs to learn to control his anger. (Anger Management?)
2.) If that doesn't work, he isn't in a safe place to be in a relationship and be willing to treat someone (he supposedly cares so much about) with respect then you shouldn't be with him!

Abuse is abuse - no matter what form.

**floridaellen** · November 3, 2011, 08:19 PM

It's so rude that he said that. Especially because the word '******' is completely offensive. I'd have a serious talk with him. My SO said something like that jokingly once and it caused a lot of issues.

**Silvaria** · November 3, 2011, 08:28 PM

Ouch...honestly, this borders on emotional abuse. I know because I've been emotionally abused, and one of the things he used to say was, "You are such a f*cking ******!"

What people don't take into consideration is that when someone says that to you over and over and over, you begin to believe it.

I would do as others have suggested, and have a very serious talk with him, draw some boundaries, and keep an eye on his behavior in the future. Emotional abuse is very damaging, and the effects last a very long time...it's not something to mess around with.

**rivi87** · November 3, 2011, 08:50 PM

First off..50 pushups 45 situps are not something to brag about...thats failing for guys (I did better than that before my surgery). What he said to you was rude and I definitely wouldnt stand for it. I am doubting you are in the military so you are not versed in the PT test and such. I know when Mitch talks to me about military things i know if I wasnt in the military I would not understand.

Second, The fact he was knocking your intelligence should never happen (not to mention talking about how ******s are smarter than you is inapropriate and uncalled for.)

I have a friend here whose husband was doing that recently and I could not listen to him verbally abuse her.(Yes thats verbal abuse) He made her cryand it hurt me. I told him how disrespectful he was being to her and handled the situation. No girl deserves to be talked to like that

On another note if there is something you are unsure about in regards to the military, I am fairly knowledgable and can answer your questions. If not, I will find the answers then tell you. Hope things get better I wish you nothing but the best.

**Eric1221** · November 3, 2011, 08:53 PM

he just told me that he was being sarcastic the whole time. we were texting the whole time during this fight and I KNEW that shit was going to happen !!!!!!!!! He really is the sarcastic type but he never said it during the whole conflict -______________-

**rivi87** · November 3, 2011, 08:59 PM

I'm Sorry, but being a complete inapropriate asshole and being sarcastic are two different things..What he said was not right in any context. It's up to you to make your judgement but thats mine. This is how I phrased it to my friend (who has kids). I asked her if her daughter's future husband was speaking like this to her, how would you feel?

**Eric1221** · November 3, 2011, 09:03 PM

I understand wat ur saying i let him kno all my feelings that im considering breaking it off with u if u continue 2 treat me that way and that im not a doormat i deserve respect and if u cant give me that than i can't be with u. and he said ok i understand im going 2 try 2 be nice. Honestly ive hung out with him be4 and he is really sarcastic type of person but Im going to let it go 4 rite now but if he says something like that again in person and i dont like the way it sounds than im going 2 rip into him. I kno that it sounds like im being beat right now but i always say how I feel and make a point that he'll lose me if he doesn't change so he'll pick his act up. If he doesn't than I'm leaving him. I can understand the sarcasm because sumtimes i do say mean things 2 ppl in a sarcastic way but only in person i do that kind of stuff so i can say im kidding and i dont say ******. I told him that is unecessary on its own

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