I don't really know what to think...

[Haley53]

And that means it's okay?

My father was an extremely verbally abusive man. His vice? Sarcasm. His go-to excuse? Sarcasm. If he said something that made my sister or I cry when we were children, and we ran and acted like "babies" and "tattled on him to mom," then he would try and defend it with that he was kidding. He was only playing. We had to stop being babies, stop being sensitive, etc. Through our teenage years, when we were mandated to see him and not old enough to make our own decisions about it according to the courts, the sarcasm was just as bad, only we both had learned sharpness of the tongue to where we could give him a taste of his own medicine. If he got upset/angry/insulted? "It's sarcasm." Let me tell you, a lot of it never was. To me, sarcasm is something that should be used humourously, and if it's used sharply, it should be rare and on occasion because we all lose our cool sometimes; to me, sarcasm is not a weapon. What he said was not funny, it is not something that should be passed off as sarcasm, and in my opinion, he's trying to bullshit himself out of the situation so it again becomes your fault and not his. It is verbal abuse, "sarcasm" or not, and the fact he never defended it before things got out of hand only leads to more evidence of his bullshitting in my mind.

EDIT --

but i always say how I feel and make a point that he'll lose me if he doesn't change so he'll pick his act up.

My question is why hasn't it? I don't mean to attack anyone here, but the more you forgive his behaviour, the more he'll see it as something he can get away with. The more you tell him he'll lose you if he doesn't shape up, it's going to become nothing more than an empty threat. Don't say it if you aren't prepared to leave the next word of abuse that comes out his mouth, or it's never going to stop.

[Eric1221]

you are right.. Like i said I'm going to look out for it more becuz wen were in person it's never like this at all.. I haven't seen him since october 9th and all the problems that have occured have happened through text message because at the moment we cant talk on the fone or use oovoo because his uncle is bothering him about stuff. I understand wat ur saying though he shouldn't have been sarcastic about that. I'm going to see how things go because i can understand if he was trying to be really sarcastic BUT you are right ! He should not have been sarcastic about that anyways ! And the fact that he never said it is right.. he should have just said it. im gonna ask him again because im curious why if he was being sarcastic than why didnt he just say it. YOU ARE RIGHT !! But I'm going to try 2 be positive and see how things unfold because I should be seeing him middle of this month and I'll see how things go in person because he never acts like that in person.

ALSO: I have never told him that he will lose me before. After he said what he said tonite was the first time i ever said that 2 him. A part of me really does feel like what he said was meant 2 be sarcastic but he's not really that mentally mature in some ways to understand that what he said wasn't right..so I made a point of saying everything i felt. I did not hold back at all. Like I said I am not a doormat and he won't treat me that way in a serious way or else I will leave him definitely..

[Bethypoo]

I dont think that you did anything wrong. He had a serious over reaction to your question. And saying the things that he did were rude and uncalled for and disrespectful. I mean we all make jokes at times but if he was really saying that stuff then you have a problem on your hands. Its emotional abuse and it is not something that you should stand for.

Talk to him. See what was really up. And if he thinks he did nothing wrong or it continues to happen, then you really need to reassess things. Thats not right.

[Zapookie]

I personally can't stand people who use sarcasm as a means of communication. Whether they are really being sarcastic or not, sarcasm is usually used to undermine what someone is talking about. I feel like its unnecessary in conversation unless it really is used jokingly. When someone is really sarcastic ALL the time, and I mean ALL THE TIME, to me it feels like they're trying to cover up for something that's lacking. It comes off as rude and snarky, and no one likes that.

To be honest, I don't know why you're still with him. He doesn't talk to you or seem to treat you with respect. You deserve to be spoken to as an equal. Because that's what we are. No one is better than any one else. And yes, everyone has their unique individual flaws, some might even consider a personality trait, but there comes a point where it isn't healthy and things need to change.

[Engel]

I would never be with someone that treat me like shit as your SO did to you, i usually dont like to give such advices, but if he treats you like that often, and this wasnt a one time thing, leave him, run away, as fast as you can.

[Rugger]

I think you need to leave. I don't care if it's sarcasm. What he said to you is not right. You should not take that kind of disrespect from anyone, let alone your SO

[Malaga]

You shouldn't let anyone talk to you like that. There's never an excuse to call you names. He's downright bullying you. He's showing abusive tendencies and I wouldn't stick around to find out what else he's capable of.

Also, sometimes people ask questions to which they know the answer but they ask for conversation purposes, to prompt the other person to talk about it. There's nothing ******ed about that.

I personally can't stand people who use sarcasm as a means of communication. Whether they are really being sarcastic or not, sarcasm is usually used to undermine what someone is talking about. I feel like its unnecessary in conversation unless it really is used jokingly. When someone is really sarcastic ALL the time, and I mean ALL THE TIME, to me it feels like they're trying to cover up for something that's lacking. It comes off as rude and snarky, and no one likes that.

Exactly.

[Minerva]

If my partner disrespected me even once the way yours has, I'd be gone. But he never would, because my partner respects and loves me.

Your SO is not being sarcastic, he's not in a bad mood, he's not any of the things you're trying to hang an excuse on. He's an abusive jerk, and what he's doing to you is a mild form of what's called "gaslighting", which is when someone tries to convince you that despite all the evidence to the contrary, there's no problem except that you're crazy and overreacting. That shit will WARP you. It's a subtle, insidious tool used by abusers to shift the blame to their victim, to destabilize them, to have them question what they've done wrong instead of questioning the behaviour of the abuser.

This will not get better because your partner sees nothing wrong with his behaviour. He's blaming you for everything. People who refuse take ownership of their foul, abusive tempers and who think everyone else is the problem will never change.

You are not the problem. This man is abusive. It will not get better. The abuse will likely escalate. Stop accepting and parroting back his excuses. Have more respect for yourself than he has for you and don't put up with this abuse any longer.

Leave him.

[Eric1221]

I left him guys !!