For the original thread, go here: https://members.lovingfromadistance....54-He-Ended-It
I wanted to update everyone on the situation. I was more or less "bugging" him about boundaries, simply because I needed to have a, at the very least, semi-solid idea about what they were. For example, I'm very used to referencing kisses or sleep cuddles (hell, cuddles in general), and used to being very verbally affectionate as well. Given that he's told me he cannot be in a relationship at the moment yet doesn't want the affection to stop, I was hoping to be told/figure out where we were drawing the line, as I really do not want to cross any boundaries and negatively impact our relationship. I did also express my insecurities about "other people" and though some would have recommended I didn't, I'm quite glad I did, because it received a response that very clearly laid out what I needed to further understand his decision. He told me, paraphrasing here:
'This is not about anybody else. I can't be a boyfriend right now. With everything that's happened, I need time to re-evaluate who and what I am. I need you to believe me.'
And for some reason that was what I needed for things to "click," more or less. It's actually quite funny, really: he's made the transition into saying I'm not his girlfriend "for right now"/"at the moment"/etc., but he's made it very clear he does not want the affection to stop and he's been quite affectionate himself. Given these circumstances, though again I'm trying not to build on the premise of false hope, my confidence level has risen a bit in the idea/suggestion that this may really only be temporary, and it's given me a revived sense of strength and courage; I actually woke up feeling something other than self-destructive about the situation.
But I simply wanted to update everyone on the "progress" that's been made. Even though the circumstances have, in general, still been difficult to deal with (despite his clarification, despite my having gained a deeper understanding, despite our relationship remaining primarily unchanged), I've been hanging in there, and I have to say the support of this community has helped a lot and it has been incredibly uplifting. I do hope to continue to be able to lean on you for support, even if I'm currently experiencing a more hopeful moment. :P But my mother said that he's likely thinking and talking about me as much as I am/have been about him, that she can simply feel it in her most intuitive senses, so that made me feel a little less like we're a lost cause as well, in addition to everyone almost vehemently disagreeing with me that this is a permanent break...
EDIT -- I also want to add that he's still wearing our symbol of commitment that I sent him (I have been unable to wear mine emotion-free), which I'll admit has left me feeling somewhat mixed since he says he's unable to commit to being a boyfriend/maintaining a relationship at the moment. I don't want to nag him about it, but I really haven't been able to wear mine without wanting to cry. :/ Because it is symbolic of a commitment that does not, in my mind, exist, but it's possible I am putting more stock in titles than I should be?
I wanted to update everyone on the situation. I was more or less "bugging" him about boundaries, simply because I needed to have a, at the very least, semi-solid idea about what they were. For example, I'm very used to referencing kisses or sleep cuddles (hell, cuddles in general), and used to being very verbally affectionate as well. Given that he's told me he cannot be in a relationship at the moment yet doesn't want the affection to stop, I was hoping to be told/figure out where we were drawing the line, as I really do not want to cross any boundaries and negatively impact our relationship. I did also express my insecurities about "other people" and though some would have recommended I didn't, I'm quite glad I did, because it received a response that very clearly laid out what I needed to further understand his decision. He told me, paraphrasing here:
'This is not about anybody else. I can't be a boyfriend right now. With everything that's happened, I need time to re-evaluate who and what I am. I need you to believe me.'
And for some reason that was what I needed for things to "click," more or less. It's actually quite funny, really: he's made the transition into saying I'm not his girlfriend "for right now"/"at the moment"/etc., but he's made it very clear he does not want the affection to stop and he's been quite affectionate himself. Given these circumstances, though again I'm trying not to build on the premise of false hope, my confidence level has risen a bit in the idea/suggestion that this may really only be temporary, and it's given me a revived sense of strength and courage; I actually woke up feeling something other than self-destructive about the situation.
But I simply wanted to update everyone on the "progress" that's been made. Even though the circumstances have, in general, still been difficult to deal with (despite his clarification, despite my having gained a deeper understanding, despite our relationship remaining primarily unchanged), I've been hanging in there, and I have to say the support of this community has helped a lot and it has been incredibly uplifting. I do hope to continue to be able to lean on you for support, even if I'm currently experiencing a more hopeful moment. :P But my mother said that he's likely thinking and talking about me as much as I am/have been about him, that she can simply feel it in her most intuitive senses, so that made me feel a little less like we're a lost cause as well, in addition to everyone almost vehemently disagreeing with me that this is a permanent break...
EDIT -- I also want to add that he's still wearing our symbol of commitment that I sent him (I have been unable to wear mine emotion-free), which I'll admit has left me feeling somewhat mixed since he says he's unable to commit to being a boyfriend/maintaining a relationship at the moment. I don't want to nag him about it, but I really haven't been able to wear mine without wanting to cry. :/ Because it is symbolic of a commitment that does not, in my mind, exist, but it's possible I am putting more stock in titles than I should be?
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