Entirely Overwhelmed.

[jlb14]

I'm sorry that I haven't been around lately. I am working full time and I am a full time grad student so my time on the computer is usually homework related.

I was wondering if anyone else has had a problem I am having and if so they could give some advice. My SO and I have been long distance for the past eight months with seven months left to go. Over the past four years we've been dating we've been together two years in college. I graduated in January we have been long distance since. It's been difficult because before that we were only long distance summers that so it's been an adjustment.

Tonight we discussed our relationship and how it has been really good but every time we say goodbye it is getting more stressful. We talked about how hard the distance is and how we feel physically exhausted by it. We got into a fight this past weekend and though it was just a standard fight that was fine once we talked through it we worried that the distance is going to cause more serious fights.

Saying goodbye and the distance is getting very overwhelming. I know I am lucky to see my SO every weekend to every other weekend. We are feeling uncertain on how to get through the next seven months. Both of us are busy with school and work. In two months he will start playing collegiate volleyball which will take him across the country from January through April. I will be lucky to see him once a month.

I guess I am asking for help. Distance is seeming overwhelming and we aren't sure what to do. Our relationship is wonderful and we are happy when we are together. We have good communication and we can talk through things but it's just getting overwhelming.

Thank you in advance for your help. We have no one close to us who understand so it's nice to have you here.

[Haley53]

Well the way I honestly see it is you have seven months left. Seven months of long-distance left in what's been a four-year relationship, and once that seven months is up, you have the option of starting your lives together or at least getting used to being close-distance [again?]. Whilst it may seem now like seven months is a long time, when you look at the bigger picture, in comparison to the rest of your lives or even in comparison to getting to be close-distance again, it's really not that long at all. Yes, it's going to be hard, and January through April is certainly going to be a big adjustment, but my best advice would be to take it one day at a time and realise that you have a set goal and it's not even a whole year from now; it's closer/sooner than that. And yes, the distance is a terrible, terrible thing, but you really do have to just keep pushing/looking forward.

[Bethypoo]

You have made it this far and it is always harder as it comes to and end. Seven months may seem like forever, and in some cases is, but it is just seven months. Dont take out your frustrations of the situation on each other. That is one thing that my SO and I did and it really almost ended the relationship. Just breathe. Remember why you are together and it is just the situation that is getting you down, not that there is an issue with the two of you or anything. I think sometimes it is hard not to lose focus on what you are really upset over. Be thankful you two are okay and it is just the distance.

Stay focused on your studies and be supportive of one another. Try and spend a bit more time 'together' when you are apart. Sometimes that makes it easier. Dont talk about school or work. Just laugh and have fun. It will all work out. Seven months, thats it. Just keep marking off the days.

[Snap]

I kinda know where you're coming from. My boyfriend and I used to have frequent visits but school for the next 6-7 months is going to keep him extremely busy...again. However, you have a 99% (I don't say 100 because nothing in life is ever definite) certainty of an endpoint in the next seven months. That's great! It gives you something for motivation! Also, since you've already been long distance for 8 months then that means you are over halfway through with the distance! Another great thing It's all about keeping things in perspective and focusing on the positive. As others have said, take each day at a time. It's November 7 today; January is still a couple of months away. Cross that bridge of him being busy when you have to. In the meantime, do your best to enjoy your interactions with him. If you feel an argument brewing, ask yourself if it's really worth it.

Hang in there. You've made it this far so don't give up

[Jgui]

You both have made it this far in your 4 years together these months of separation are nothing compared to what you'll both get in return. But I do understand how hard it is after each visit when one or the other has to leave.

Just as Bethypoo had said, don't take your frustration out on each other; talk things through and realize is just as hard for him as for you. Try to take advantage of the times apart where you can do little things to surprise each other-sending flowers, cards, and gifts.

[jlb14]

Thanks for the encouragement. It's appreciated!

Sometimes taking a step back and reminding myself what I have makes it easier. I know it will take some work because we do have a tendency to take frustrations out on each-other (though we have gotten really good at realizing it) because we have no one else in either family that understands. Sometimes well meaning family members tell us to break up because of different situations we are going through and that adds to the stress.

Once we get through the seven months I'll be excited to tell everyone that against the odds and their doubts we survived in four years of dating almost two and a half of those years long distance.