I just really need to rant!

[eeriesaurus]

OP, settle down. I know you're frustrated and I know you meant this as a rant. But you posted this on a discussion forum, so people are trying to engage you and help you figure the situation out. To suggest to people who read your rant and took the time to reply to "learn to read" is rude, and responses like that will ensure when you post, you'll get fewer and fewer replies.

If you want to post a rant, perhaps a better area would be the blog section.

As for the situation, I feel too constrained by your dictates to offer advice, so I'll just assume you don't want advice but instead wish for support.

I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation. I can't imagine how difficult it must be, and with a medical condition on top of it. *hugs* I hope you feel better soon, or at least the time passes quickly until you're with him again.

People can engage me and be helpful without useless one upping, calling my bf lazy, and saying I need to be more patient.

[Haley53]

People can engage me and be helpful without useless one upping, calling my bf lazy, and saying I need to be more patient.

Though I will agree on the one-upping bit, as I have never appreciated "my distance is worse than yours!" - we're all fortunate in ways and in others, one will always be more fortunate. I don't find comparisons helpful for that reason because saying, more or less, "it could be worse, you could have to put up with what I do" is, in my opinion, an unfair claim when someone else will always have it worse off than you - even though I defended your SO against the claim that he's not putting in as much effort as he could/should be, I think you need to remember that we aren't in your head.

You say go off of what's written and don't add to or take away from it, but that is extraordinarily difficult to do. For example, if I read directly into your words and don't make some assumptions about your relationship, for example, that it's healthy and that this issue is only because he's so busy and not for any other underlying reason, or what he's busy with, such as work or school, therefore needing to ask for clarification, then I'd probably have walked away not having said anything or I'd have said "I understand what it's like when your partner is so busy it's hard for him to make proper time for you." I don't think anyone can answer a thread based directly on what's being said. Based heavily on what's being said, yes, but not directly, because you're giving us a situation without a context and if you give a context, it's only a loose context; it's human nature to fill in the holes and gaps with what context seems to fit in our minds, whether or not it may be 110% accurate. The beauty of a forum is, in my opinion, that you get a range of different opinions and responses. You don't have to agree with all of them, no, but if someone misinterprets or misunderstands something then I would spell it out more clearly, because if it were spelled out in the first place, that interpretation would not have been made, so I don't feel it's entirely fair to pin the blame 100% on everyone else, either. The thing about a situation is that you can view the same situation in a million and one ways. Everyone has a threshhold for the level/depth of information they need before they give advice, too. Some will base advice on a sentence, and some need a whole post, but in the end, you can show someone a picture of a dog and ask what they like about the dog and you're going to get varying opinions and preferences on the same animal, which is what's happened here, various interpretations and I think that it's better to respond to them with clarification than defensiveness.

EDIT -- I also understand the irritation of someone seeming to glimpse over something that was said in your post. On another forum, I once made a thread wondering why my period hadn't come. I specifically said that though I'd been sexually active, I was 100% sure I was not pregnant, considering I was on the pill, had taken it religiously, and he'd pulled out. It was a new pill and I was nearing the end of the placebo pills and so I was curious/wanted the help of the forum to determine why my period hadn't come yet, biologically speaking. Still, numerous answers were "take a pregnancy test if you miss your second period for sure!" and "take a pregnancy test!" so I can understand the annoyance when you have clearly laid something out and people still dwell on it regardless.

[Minerva]

Wow, OK OP, take or leave my advice. If you'd rather be defensive towards people who are just trying to help (even if they're not doing it to your satisfaction), that's your choice. But don't be surprised when people stop replying to you.

And Eclaire, that happens on all forums and threads to everyone. It has to me here, just recently. I thoroughly explained my situation, and a couple of people obviously misread what I wrote or skimmed, and thus, their advice ended up being useless. I felt rather bad about that, because they missed a couple of key facts, they wasted their time with their replies. But I was still thankful they took their time to reply.

On active message boards it happens. It's annoying, but there's no reason to be rude to people who are taking their time to reply.

And that's my last reply in this thread.

[Haley53]

Wow, OK OP, take or leave my advice. If you'd rather be defensive towards people who are just trying to help (even if they're not doing it to your satisfaction), that's your choice. But don't be surprised when people stop replying to you.

And Eclaire, that happens on all forums and threads to everyone. It has to me here, just recently. I thoroughly explained my situation, and a couple of people obviously misread what I wrote or skimmed, and thus, their advice ended up being useless. I felt rather bad about that, because they missed a couple of key facts, they wasted their time with their replies. But I was still thankful they took their time to reply.

On active message boards it happens. It's annoying, but there's no reason to be rude to people who are taking their time to reply.

And that's my last reply in this thread.

No, I agree. :P I eventually stopped responding to the people who told me to take a pregnancy test but originally it was "I appreciate the advice, but like I said, I really am positive I am not pregnant. I was more looking for if anyone had medical advice about it before I consider ringing up/bugging my doctor. " Which is why I said it's important, in my opinion, to respond with clarification as opposed to defensiveness. I was agreeing with the fact that it's irritating and the emotions behind it, not necessarily the way of handling it, as I always feel things should be handled as a matter of diplomacy. So I wasn't disagreeing with you at all. :P

[devanneallover]

I'VE BEEN IN THE EXACT SAME POSITION!!!!

Reading this I was thinking "Did I post this in my sleep?" Haha

I literally went through the same thing. And really all you can do wait it out. I know thats a sucky thing to hear but really that's what it comes down to.

It took me reaching my breaking point and several hour long convos with Rob for him to get the point. He was really busy with school and his senior rectal and as much a it sucked I ha to give him his space for a while.

I set a timeline for him. I told Rob that he had a week after his recital to get his ass in gear and fix this. And in the mean time, I wanted more time for us.

It's a lot of compromising. You need to talk to him about. REALLY talk about it as calmly as you can. Set rules and schedules. (Call me Friday at xx:xx and we have an hour of uninterrupted talk, Satirday we watch xxxxx movie together) it really helps to schedule things.

I hope this helps and I'm more than happy to talk if you have any other questions.

[devanneallover]

Ai just wanted to say that rob and I did work out our problems this way, after 2 months and around a month after I started getting upset.

[Jgui]

I'm kind of in the same situation as you. I hardly talk to my SO when we're not together because he is so busy with work and school. I've stay with him on a weekday and he's basically in school from 8am-4pm then sometimes studies at school until 6pm then comes home. So our communcation times are definitely affected by that. He needs his alone time to recharge and do his own things. At times we'll go 2-3 days without talking on the phone.

My point is: there are other ways to communicate besides on the phone. Send him an email or text? He may not be able to have a full conversation with you on the phone, but he can always sneak few seconds to respond to your messages.

As far your HS, you should let him know how it's having an impact on you. I think we all have to remember and realize that men aren't mind readers and I don't know how we're feeling unless we tell them. Women are better at picking up body languages and it's almost in our nature.

It takes 2 to tango in a relationship and letting the other person know how you feel and what's affecting you is very important. Communication is the key in making a relationship long lasting.