Yep, you read that right. I found out he's been cheating for months with another woman who lives about 1,000 miles from him. When I confronted him this morning on Skype, he lied and said he's been unhappy in our relationship and was going to dump me around New Year's, then broke up with me.
Here's the story:
We've been together on and off for almost 3 years, or whatever the timeline is in that ticker down there, lol...he's bipolar, and has a lot of mood swings, and the first 3 times, he dumped me over stupid stuff like thinking I was interested in my ex, or taking a joke the wrong way.
He always came back and asked for another chance, which I've always given him because I love the idiot.
The last two times were last year, June and August of '10...they were because he was in a manic mood, and had entered a hypersexual phase.
Hypersexuality is a very common manic symptom, but doesn't receive much discussion, except on bipolar forums. Basically, whatever it is in the brain that tells us cheating and promiscuity are wrong shuts down, and they begin craving sex constantly. Good marriages and relationships have been destroyed because they are unable to control their impulses. Sometimes, they just don't care but other times, when the manic phase fades, they look at what they've done and are like, "OMG, what was I thinking?" Then things are great until the next time, when they forget that regret and do it again.
So, last summer, he went into a manic phase and became very sexual. He started hanging out with women in the online game we played together, and flirting. I threw a fit, and demanded he stop. So the first time he dumped me, in June, was because he was interested in another female but apparently she turned out to have no interest in him, so he asked me back two weeks later. I agreed. Then he dumped me again in August about 5 weeks later, for pretty much the same reasons, and we were apart for 6.5 months.
This past February, he contacted me, apologized for everything, said he was on new meds, and asked me back. I agreed. And frankly, things have been awesome...about 2 months ago, though, I realized he was entering another hypersexual phase, and I swear my first thought was, "It's just a matter of time before he dumps me again." So I began to watch for the signs that he'd shown before: Ceasing all affection, becoming annoyed with me easily, disappearing for days at a time, and just generally being meaner to me.
I was pleasantly surprised when none of that happened..in fact, things have been awesome right up until Tuesday, when I created my first Facebook account and looked him up. That's when I saw two comments he'd posted on another woman's board, telling her that he loved her, too, and that she was his hot, freaky woman. When I looked at her page, she listed that she'd been In A Relationship with him since August 6, and that she was head over heels in love with a man who was wonderful to her, and without him, she would be incomplete.
Needless to say, my world rather fell apart. So this morning I asked to talk on Skype, and when I brought it up, he tried to say that he'd been unhappy in our relationship and wanted to break up with me for some time.
Can I get a serious "BULLSH!T" here??
He has been VERY mushy, VERY affectionate, VERY loving, and VERY happy-acting when we're chatting...in fact, just this past Sunday, he spent TEN HOURS talking to me, sending me supportive messages as I had an insanely long and rough workday. He was constantly emoting things like, "I love you so much, you can do this" and so forth. Everything has been wonderful lately, which is why this caught me so off-guard.
So what really happened here?
Well, I think the extra affection and mush has been his way of assuaging his guilt for being in an affair, but sadly, he quit taking his meds a while back because of money problems, so I don't think he's even able to control himself. I realize that sounds like an excuse, but in all honesty, bipolars really CAN'T seem to control those urges.
So when I busted him this morning, I truly believe being caught embarrassed and shamed him, so he tried to turn it around and say he'd been unhappy for a while, and was going to break up with me on New Year's. Nah...I know him, after all this time. If he didn't want to be with me, he wouldn't wait until New Year's.
Anyhow, where am I going with all this? Simply this: It's just a matter of time before his manic phase ends, and he comes back to me. In fact, as I told friends and family the news today, almost all of them immediately asked, "What are you going to do when he apologizes and wants you back?"
There's my pickle...I truly love the jerk, and I know that in a way, it's not his fault...I know that he loves me about as much as he's capable of loving anyone, and that I do make him happy. I know that these women really mean nothing to him, and that he'll always come back to me.
But don't I deserve better? Don't I deserve a man who doesn't do this?
But is it really his fault, due to the bipolar disorder?
I'm wrestling with so many questions tonight...I know many of you will say to simply dump him, but it's not that easy. I've invested almost 3 years in this man, as well as my entire heart and soul. I've never loved anyone the way I love him, and at my age, that's saying something. How does one simply walk away from someone with a mental disorder that causes them to do things they wouldn't normally do?
And the weird part? I'm not even jealous of her...it's obvious that the poor chick has really fallen for him, and she has no idea what heartache she's heading for. How do I -know- he's going to hurt her?
Let me put it this way: I asked him this morning if he wanted to be with her. His reply? "She's something different."
I know that's going to sound cold as hell, and it is, but that's not the way he normally is. It's all part of his disorder that makes him do irrational things.
Any and all comments are appreciated greatly. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Here's the story:
We've been together on and off for almost 3 years, or whatever the timeline is in that ticker down there, lol...he's bipolar, and has a lot of mood swings, and the first 3 times, he dumped me over stupid stuff like thinking I was interested in my ex, or taking a joke the wrong way.
He always came back and asked for another chance, which I've always given him because I love the idiot.
The last two times were last year, June and August of '10...they were because he was in a manic mood, and had entered a hypersexual phase.
Hypersexuality is a very common manic symptom, but doesn't receive much discussion, except on bipolar forums. Basically, whatever it is in the brain that tells us cheating and promiscuity are wrong shuts down, and they begin craving sex constantly. Good marriages and relationships have been destroyed because they are unable to control their impulses. Sometimes, they just don't care but other times, when the manic phase fades, they look at what they've done and are like, "OMG, what was I thinking?" Then things are great until the next time, when they forget that regret and do it again.
So, last summer, he went into a manic phase and became very sexual. He started hanging out with women in the online game we played together, and flirting. I threw a fit, and demanded he stop. So the first time he dumped me, in June, was because he was interested in another female but apparently she turned out to have no interest in him, so he asked me back two weeks later. I agreed. Then he dumped me again in August about 5 weeks later, for pretty much the same reasons, and we were apart for 6.5 months.
This past February, he contacted me, apologized for everything, said he was on new meds, and asked me back. I agreed. And frankly, things have been awesome...about 2 months ago, though, I realized he was entering another hypersexual phase, and I swear my first thought was, "It's just a matter of time before he dumps me again." So I began to watch for the signs that he'd shown before: Ceasing all affection, becoming annoyed with me easily, disappearing for days at a time, and just generally being meaner to me.
I was pleasantly surprised when none of that happened..in fact, things have been awesome right up until Tuesday, when I created my first Facebook account and looked him up. That's when I saw two comments he'd posted on another woman's board, telling her that he loved her, too, and that she was his hot, freaky woman. When I looked at her page, she listed that she'd been In A Relationship with him since August 6, and that she was head over heels in love with a man who was wonderful to her, and without him, she would be incomplete.
Needless to say, my world rather fell apart. So this morning I asked to talk on Skype, and when I brought it up, he tried to say that he'd been unhappy in our relationship and wanted to break up with me for some time.
Can I get a serious "BULLSH!T" here??
He has been VERY mushy, VERY affectionate, VERY loving, and VERY happy-acting when we're chatting...in fact, just this past Sunday, he spent TEN HOURS talking to me, sending me supportive messages as I had an insanely long and rough workday. He was constantly emoting things like, "I love you so much, you can do this" and so forth. Everything has been wonderful lately, which is why this caught me so off-guard.
So what really happened here?
Well, I think the extra affection and mush has been his way of assuaging his guilt for being in an affair, but sadly, he quit taking his meds a while back because of money problems, so I don't think he's even able to control himself. I realize that sounds like an excuse, but in all honesty, bipolars really CAN'T seem to control those urges.
So when I busted him this morning, I truly believe being caught embarrassed and shamed him, so he tried to turn it around and say he'd been unhappy for a while, and was going to break up with me on New Year's. Nah...I know him, after all this time. If he didn't want to be with me, he wouldn't wait until New Year's.
Anyhow, where am I going with all this? Simply this: It's just a matter of time before his manic phase ends, and he comes back to me. In fact, as I told friends and family the news today, almost all of them immediately asked, "What are you going to do when he apologizes and wants you back?"
There's my pickle...I truly love the jerk, and I know that in a way, it's not his fault...I know that he loves me about as much as he's capable of loving anyone, and that I do make him happy. I know that these women really mean nothing to him, and that he'll always come back to me.
But don't I deserve better? Don't I deserve a man who doesn't do this?
But is it really his fault, due to the bipolar disorder?
I'm wrestling with so many questions tonight...I know many of you will say to simply dump him, but it's not that easy. I've invested almost 3 years in this man, as well as my entire heart and soul. I've never loved anyone the way I love him, and at my age, that's saying something. How does one simply walk away from someone with a mental disorder that causes them to do things they wouldn't normally do?
And the weird part? I'm not even jealous of her...it's obvious that the poor chick has really fallen for him, and she has no idea what heartache she's heading for. How do I -know- he's going to hurt her?
Let me put it this way: I asked him this morning if he wanted to be with her. His reply? "She's something different."
I know that's going to sound cold as hell, and it is, but that's not the way he normally is. It's all part of his disorder that makes him do irrational things.
Any and all comments are appreciated greatly. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Comment