I need some support or something

[yayagrl]

So first off I can't say how glad I am that I have 3 days off of school next week as I need it. I'm just so freaking stressed and though I'm graduating in June. I have a lot of things that I need to do and take care of before then. Add regular homework and assignments to that and I basically shut down. That's not what I wanna talk about though. Don't know who's really been paying attention to my blogs, but I posted one a bit ago about Jason's grandma being sick. She's having issues with her gallbladder and basically Jason was really depressed about it as he loves her a ton. So because of that he and I haven't really been able to talk. I think the last time he and I really had a phone conversation was last month sometime. There have been texts in between and facebook conversations and I think one skype chat, but I honestly like talking on the phone better. I've just been really lonely lately and I really want to talk to him, but most nights he's passed out by 8 o'clock. Not only do his meds make him tired, but add on being upset about his grandma and a 4 year old and there you have it. I wanna ask him for a bit more time as lately our conversations have kinda been thrown to the wayside, but I feel that at this time it'd be a bit selfish of me. Also I'm pretty much a loner, though I have the odd friend here or there who I may hang out with, but I don't really have any super close friends and haven't spoken to my best friend in about 8 months. Mostly I depend on Jason for any really close social interactions. I'm trying to get out of that as he has friends and things to do outside of our relationship whereas I only have school and that's about it. I do get attached to people a bit too quickly which has always been a big issue for me and I don't wanna smother him with my "needyness", though I've explained it to him and he says it's ok, I just don't feel it's ok. I wanna make friends, but after a lot of bad mishaps I just can't seem to keep people around. It's not that I push them away because I don't it's just things happen that they've caused or they just completely drop out of my life inexplicably. I also have the odd conversation with my classmates, but it's never really a "Hey Ayanna, we should totally hang out outside of school sometimes." ugh it's frustrating for me I just wish it were easier to make friends like it was in elementary school....... wait I didn't have much friends then either. I guess I've never been good with friendships *shrugs*. Anyway I feel this is turning a bit into a Debbie Downer party instead of a rant/advice thing. So yeah does anyone think I should voice the conversation bit to Jason? Yay or nay?
Oh forgot about the fact that one of my roommate's friends kind of propositioned me to be friends with her. Though she's a nice girl and I feel we have a bit in common, I haven't really decided if we should be friends or not. for now I talk to her a little whenever she's over, but I feel that relationship would be kind of awkward as I don't really care for my roommate. She's an ok person, but she reminds me too much of the girls who used to bully me pretty much my whole public school life so she rubs me the wrong way. And I'm a big believer in "birds of a feather fly together", but I'm willing to give her a chance it's only been a few days since she came to me about it so we'll see how it goes

[Sharon Q]

With what he's going through I would just let him know how you are feeling and then let him take care of things at home first. Take the inisitive and call him on occasion and see how he's doing.

[Haley53]

Even when my partner's mother was ill, even when they were convinced she would be fine, there were still times he fell to feeling depressed, there were still times he had to spend hours in the hospital and would come home tired and wanting to hop on a computer and play a game and not talk with me. It's an extremely emotionally taxing experience, because regardless of what the doctors say (what's her prognosis?), you still worry; that worry is about as draining as the depression. When his mother passed away, things were grand up until the point of the funeral, which is about when it all came crashing down. I did think I was entitled to a little bit more time than I was being given (probably listened to the wrong people) and though I didn't constantly press the matter, the one time I brought it up, it stressed him out. Everything he's had to take day by day by day, and so he's left promises for tomorrow out of the equation. Your partner could be in the same position.

I would be honest about how you feel, but almost indirectly, a sort of, "hey, I really miss your voice! Do you know if you'll have time to talk on the phone soon?" as opposed to "I really prefer talking on the phone to texting/Facebook, can we make time for that?" Though usually I'm one for directness, I think if he's this worried about his grandmother, and if he's having to care for/watch over/babysit said four-year-old, he's already likely feeling helpless and out of control. If you add on that one more thing that he can't/couldn't do for you too, it might make him feel worse. And I'm not saying that you would be the cause of it. :P Some of the ways my partner has interpreted things has made me go "lolwut" because that's the last thing I've meant, but he can't be expected to make much sense of anything at the moment and so I've learned not to take it personally and to do my best to word things extra gently. If he can agree to a phone call, great! But if he can't? Then drop the issue. It isn't going to be forever.

And believe me, I'm aware that it's hard. My main method of contact? Has been text messaging, and currently he does not have credit. Sometimes we talk for a while on FB, through messages and never through chat, but it's really dependent on his mood. We could have a day where we talk for a few hours, or we could have a day where he doesn't feel up to talking at all. There's no consistency, and the lack of affection has been wearing especially lately. His moods are up and down, and though it's understandable, it's still difficult, because I have needs, even as a "friend" at this point, that aren't being met. But sometimes we have to accept the fact that our needs have to be put on the backburner a little while. He's got a lot on his plate, a lot to take care of, too much to handle, and I'm not going to add myself to that list. Ideally, yes, I'd get to Skype, talk on the phone, talk on messenger, and so on and so forth, but right now, what's important is that he does what he can to get by. It's only been a month since his mother passed away and I can't expect it to get better overnight. I've had to be patient, and though it can be excruciating, it can also be tolerated. My opinion is that this is something you're going to need to weather through with him and simply let his moods go where they may. I think this is a position in which you need to think about what your partner needs and maybe be content to texting/Facebook until he's ready to talk on the phone again. :/

[Bethypoo]

Just let him know that you are there for him. He has alot to deal with and maybe just needs that simple support. As for everything else, thanksgiving is coming up. Let go of everything small that there is no use being stressed out over ad just be thankful for who and what you do have.

[yayagrl]

@Eclaire: Well when he first told me about it he just said she was having problems with her gallbladder, then he said the doctors told them she has gallstones. At first they weren't going to operate on her, she's 87, because they said her heart couldn't handle surgery. I haven't really talked to him since then , so I haven't been able to ask to find out. I make sure to never pressure him into talking to me. His kid is always there and has always been there since we first got together. I love that little boy to pieces. He's adorable. I completely understand that he's a single parent and he can't devote as much time to me. I normally put my feelings on the back burner and just let him call me or text me. I can tell when things really suck as he doesn't get on Facebook. It's just lately I need a bit of something. Not an hour conversation or anything intense. Just a little catching up. Especially when I have bad days. his voice has this calming effect on me. He did call me Wednesday night, but it was really late and he wound up falling asleep on me. I would never do it directly, not at a time like this as I feel it makes me look and feel selfish.
@Bethypoo: I tell him all the time that I'm here for him to talk to and be his shoulder to cry on as needed. I've told him that multiple times especially when he's going through issues with his Addison's. When his grandma had pneumonia last month I told him I was here for him to talk to. He's such a caring person that it sucks for me to see him depressed or upset and I can't be there to comfort him. There are so many times when he's told me that he wishes I was there with him and it almost breaks my heart

[Haley53]

Yes, but sometimes that's an unfortunate sacrifice we have to decide we can either deal with or can't. I'm in a position right now where my partner cannot take care of me the way that he wishes he could, or the way that he has in the past, or the way I would like him to. He'll remind me that he's there for me, but it's none of the comfort he used to provide me with if I need it/him, and I don't get Skype, phone calls, etc. And it's tough, it really is, but I have no doubt he'd do the same for me if our roles were reversed. And maybe it's me and the way that I am, but honestly... I dunno. Different people respond to stress differently and though I'm aware that you have your needs, it's possible that you're going to have to learn to go without for a little while longer. :/

[yayagrl]

It's something I'm more or less realizing. I'm not the most patient person, but in this situation since I love him so much I'm willing to wait. Though it sucks, I suck it up and keep moving and try to keep myself as busy and distracted as possible

[Haley53]

That's really what you have to do. :/ Honestly, what's helped me a lot is writing, or keeping a blog, or doing little things for him. Even if I don't, for example, get soppy texts in return, sometimes I love to send text messages that express how I feel and how brave he is etc. I send him little updates when I can. I've been keeping a blog where I reblog things, write updates, journal my [positive] feelings, etc. that I share with him. I've been keeping him as involved in my life as I can while still allowing him what he needs to do. And I also try and keep busy by hanging around LFAD, responding to my advice blog, going out with my family, going walking, etc. And me-time is important. Even if it's something as simple as taking a hot bubble bath, I would recommend a little me-time at the end of each day.