So first off I can't say how glad I am that I have 3 days off of school next week as I need it. I'm just so freaking stressed and though I'm graduating in June. I have a lot of things that I need to do and take care of before then. Add regular homework and assignments to that and I basically shut down. That's not what I wanna talk about though. Don't know who's really been paying attention to my blogs, but I posted one a bit ago about Jason's grandma being sick. She's having issues with her gallbladder and basically Jason was really depressed about it as he loves her a ton. So because of that he and I haven't really been able to talk. I think the last time he and I really had a phone conversation was last month sometime. There have been texts in between and facebook conversations and I think one skype chat, but I honestly like talking on the phone better. I've just been really lonely lately and I really want to talk to him, but most nights he's passed out by 8 o'clock. Not only do his meds make him tired, but add on being upset about his grandma and a 4 year old and there you have it. I wanna ask him for a bit more time as lately our conversations have kinda been thrown to the wayside, but I feel that at this time it'd be a bit selfish of me. Also I'm pretty much a loner, though I have the odd friend here or there who I may hang out with, but I don't really have any super close friends and haven't spoken to my best friend in about 8 months. Mostly I depend on Jason for any really close social interactions. I'm trying to get out of that as he has friends and things to do outside of our relationship whereas I only have school and that's about it. I do get attached to people a bit too quickly which has always been a big issue for me and I don't wanna smother him with my "needyness", though I've explained it to him and he says it's ok, I just don't feel it's ok. I wanna make friends, but after a lot of bad mishaps I just can't seem to keep people around. It's not that I push them away because I don't it's just things happen that they've caused or they just completely drop out of my life inexplicably. I also have the odd conversation with my classmates, but it's never really a "Hey Ayanna, we should totally hang out outside of school sometimes." ugh it's frustrating for me I just wish it were easier to make friends like it was in elementary school....... wait I didn't have much friends then either. I guess I've never been good with friendships *shrugs*. Anyway I feel this is turning a bit into a Debbie Downer party instead of a rant/advice thing. So yeah does anyone think I should voice the conversation bit to Jason? Yay or nay?
Oh forgot about the fact that one of my roommate's friends kind of propositioned me to be friends with her. Though she's a nice girl and I feel we have a bit in common, I haven't really decided if we should be friends or not. for now I talk to her a little whenever she's over, but I feel that relationship would be kind of awkward as I don't really care for my roommate. She's an ok person, but she reminds me too much of the girls who used to bully me pretty much my whole public school life so she rubs me the wrong way. And I'm a big believer in "birds of a feather fly together", but I'm willing to give her a chance it's only been a few days since she came to me about it so we'll see how it goes
Oh forgot about the fact that one of my roommate's friends kind of propositioned me to be friends with her. Though she's a nice girl and I feel we have a bit in common, I haven't really decided if we should be friends or not. for now I talk to her a little whenever she's over, but I feel that relationship would be kind of awkward as I don't really care for my roommate. She's an ok person, but she reminds me too much of the girls who used to bully me pretty much my whole public school life so she rubs me the wrong way. And I'm a big believer in "birds of a feather fly together", but I'm willing to give her a chance it's only been a few days since she came to me about it so we'll see how it goes
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