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**ChibiFelicia** · November 26, 2011, 10:25 AM

i dont think anyone can help you make a decision. You have to make your mind up about whether this is worth it or not. Whether you can pull through this without holding resentment against her.

Honestly from the sounds of it...i dont personally feel this relationship is healthy. Shes still young and really so are you. But really if its because you're afraid then sometimes you jsut gotta do what you think is best. Being afraid of change isnt a good reason. Iunno how to say it but sometimes you just gotta buck up and go for it and stick to it. Which ever route you decide. Think long and hard about it.

**Kerry** · November 26, 2011, 10:28 AM

I think you both need to step away from this relationship. you both are at clearly different points in your lives. you're an adult and she's a child- 2 different mind sets. she hasn't caught up to you yet. I know you don't want to let her go but I think that's what you need to do. if not more time is going to pass and you're just going to feel all of this anguish. good luck, hun.

**bluishskin** · November 26, 2011, 10:53 AM

Life is all about making choices. Sometimes you can't have all things at once. Sometimes you have to lose something, whether you like it or not.

I agree with ChibiFelicia: no one can help you make a decision and the relationship itself is not healthy. You are still young, and she is even younger. Staying in an unhealthy relationship is so energy-draining and it can lead to a waste of time, whether it's an LDR or not. Personally I think this isn't the time yet for you to sweat over a relationship, no matter how much you both love each other. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be in relationship. Anyone can, but you should also think about what's good for you and what you need. You said it yourself out loud that you wanted a normal life. It gives me an impression that being in a relationship with her has made your life abnormal and unbalanced. Look at your attitude as well...it's getting negative. A healthy relationship doesn't do that.

Man up and be brave. Stop contacting her for a while, give yourself some space and use the time to think hard about everything. If you both are destined to be together, one day you'll be together again even if you break up now. I believe in that. Do you?

Good luck!

**Haley53** · November 26, 2011, 11:02 AM

And this is why I have issues with such age gaps, because at this point in your lives, maybe not in your later 20s, maybe not anytime beyond that, but at this point, there's a large enough age gap that there are going to be these types of differences, and you're going to have to learn whether or not you're willing to put up with them. Because she's unlikely to mature from this for a long time and she may never quite mature fully, depending on how her parents handle her finances as she gets older. Hell, in freshman year at university, one of my friend's roommates had everything paid for her by her parents, including all her luxuries and whenever she wanted her bank account "topped up." Her spending habits were terrible and she took consistent advantage of my friend and friend's money, despite having her own. There was another girl on our floor who was provided with the same luxury, and she turned her nose up at working. So it's going to largely depend on if and when her parents decide to cut her off, and so this "issue" could go on for a more or less undefined length of time. You need to decide if it's something you can get over, because resentment can bring down a relationship fast.

One thing I'd consider is not working your ass off and having all of that money go towards visits. Let's say you earn 100.00. Let's say 60.00 of that goes to necessities (I think you remember you mentioned staying on your own, so it could be even more), so you have 40.00 left. Instead of putting that 40.00 aside for a trip to see your girlfriend when you can, take half of it and put it in the "To see my girlfriend" fund and take the other half and put it in a leisure fund. Some people can handle putting all their money towards travel, skimping almost everywhere else in their day to day lives, and some people can't, and if the issue here is more that you never have any money for yourself, then you need to start dividing the money up between having some for your travels and some for when your friends ring you up and want to go out. If the issue is, again, with her, and the way she handles money or the fact she's from a well-off family, then I think you need to decide if your relationship is more important than your own self-righteous feelings about money and your own jealousy. There's a lot of resentment towards a dependent in this situation, and like I said earlier, that can kill anything quickly.

**louisanna6** · November 26, 2011, 11:26 AM

I feel like promising that you will make each other happy and healthy while both of you are suffering from this issue is a little hypocritical. If she really understood what it meant to work to make a partner happy or healthy, she would not be so deaf to your concerns.

If you are really terrified of letting her go, here is one way you can think about it. Because she is so young, she might need to experience some real life hardships. That might take a long time for her to experience. Maybe once that has matured her up, she will remember you. Now maybe by that time you will have a new happy life and it won't matter to you at all, but if you still miss her, you might have another opportunity then. If the two of you are truly meant to be, stopping for a while to let her mature isn't going to matter. It seems that now this is the thing that should happen. Its the only way you can respect her and respect yourself. But, don't let the fear stop you. Who knows what may happen in the future. Just don't continue to deny reality any longer.

**Sunbeam** · November 26, 2011, 11:28 AM

I can't solve your issue for you.
But it sounds to me, that maybe she needs to grow up some before she knows what it means to be in this type of relationship.

**Engel** · November 26, 2011, 12:19 PM

You got plenty of advice on the other thread.

Its not right for a 16 year old to be helping financially her 19 year old boyfriend. Its even more wrong because if you expect money from her, wouldnt be from her, but her parents. And it isnt right for parents to be giving money to the boyfriend of their 16 year old daughter.

She has more money than you, you ressent her for it. and when you say you have the same mind.. i just dont buy it. by all you wrote.

You have different ages, different minds, different upbringings, are in different places in your life. You want to go out and spend your money, do it if it makes you happy, but if you dont have plenty of money for both (going out and not worrying about spending and visiting her), you have to make a choice.

Is she really worthy it? You just have to stop screaming at her and fighting with her, as she said "all you do is complain about the same fucking thing that's beyond her control"

So, really, decide, make up your mind. If I was her, I wouldnt be with you if you kept doing that. She shouldnt feel guilty because she has parents that can and do pay for her and give her things. Its just not right.

And in the future, if you ever plan to marry her, will you want her parents giving her money all the time, because you wouldnt be able to give her what she is used to? the thing is, sometimes people cant let go of what they have know all their lives.

I gave up loads of material stuff to be with my SO. I know he cant give me what my mother can, and Im ok with that. I gave up having 3 full time house maids that would cook, clean, wash my clothes and etc for me to be cleaning, cooking and washing for me and my SO. it isnt easy and im still getting the hang of it, but is he worthy it? hell yeah.

I almost dont buy clothes and shoes anymore, because money is tight, and when im with my mother i get almost everything i want.

but i would give that up anyday for his love, and so I did.

You have to set your priorities straight. and so does she. what do you expect from this relationship in the long haul?

**bananabrain** · November 26, 2011, 12:36 PM

I gave up loads of material stuff to be with my SO. I know he cant give me what my mother can, and Im ok with that. I gave up having 3 full time house maids that would cook, clean, wash my clothes and etc for me to be cleaning, cooking and washing for me and my SO. it isnt easy and im still getting the hang of it, but is he worthy it? hell yeah.

The thing is, my SO never had to experience that. Not that she'll care. I bet she'll just use her age difference excuse again

**ChibiFelicia** · November 26, 2011, 12:37 PM

Originally posted by bananabrain View Post

The thing is, my SO never had to experience that. Not that she'll care. I bet she'll just use her age difference excuse again

I think you both have some maturing to do.

The age gap isnt an excuse. It's fact. She's 16! Seriously take a break. The way you're getting so angry at her is so unhealthy.

**Engel** · November 26, 2011, 01:13 PM

Originally posted by ChibiFelicia View Post

I think you both have some maturing to do.

The age gap isnt an excuse. It's fact. She's 16! Seriously take a break. The way you're getting so angry at her is so unhealthy.

I agree. It isn't an excuse. and me at 16 would also never be ready for what I did at 21 either, so I can sympathize with her.
I matured a whole lot. I bet she will, too. is just she is 16, for gods sake!

not all people of 16 are ready to be in a commited relationship. I know I wasnt. I also had my first kiss at 16 and barely was ready for that! haha

but back to her, she has her whole life ahead of her, and you are supposed to be there for her and help her grow. not be the one putting her down and giving her crap for it.

**MadMolly** · November 26, 2011, 02:20 PM

I just broke up with my boyfriend. We had a "perfect" relationship besides the distance. It took a lot of coming to terms with the fact though that "THE DISTANCE" was a huge, huge issue and one we just couldn't overcome with the dynamics of our relationship. I'm now completely heartbroken but sometimes you have to accept these things.

The distance CAN outweigh all the good things sometimes. Yes, some people defeat the distance and it's wonderful, but you REALLY can't be blamed for it not being possible. The distance is a very valid reason why this relationship doesn't work very well and it's a very valid reason why this should end, because it's apparent that it's not going to end any time soon.

My advice is - Stop planning trips. Just use your money on YOU. If she needs to see you else you break up, then break up. Do not waste your life on a relationship with a sixteen year old on the other side of the planet who you truly can't afford to keep seeing like this. You should be enjoying your life not starving yourself.

**Engel** · November 26, 2011, 02:22 PM

Originally posted by MadMolly View Post

I just broke up with my boyfriend. We had a "perfect" relationship besides the distance. It took a lot of coming to terms with the fact though that "THE DISTANCE" was a huge, huge issue and one we just couldn't overcome with the dynamics of our relationship. I'm now completely heartbroken but sometimes you have to accept these things.

The distance CAN outweigh all the good things sometimes. Yes, some people defeat the distance and it's wonderful, but you REALLY can't be blamed for it not being possible. The distance is a very valid reason why this relationship doesn't work very well and it's a very valid reason why this should end, because it's apparent that it's not going to end any time soon.

My advice is - Stop planning trips. Just use your money on YOU. If she needs to see you else you break up, then break up. Do not waste your life on a relationship with a sixteen year old on the other side of the planet who you truly can't afford to keep seeing like this. You should be enjoying your life not starving yourself.

OMG molly! i didnt know that! I am really very sorry for that! I would give you a hug now if I could! all the best for you.

**Sharon Q** · November 26, 2011, 02:32 PM

Okay I'm 20. 16 year olds have a sense of entitlement. At 16 I thought I deserved everything I wanted. Even tho I was not willing to work for it. Getting around that will take time, most 16 year olds are not that mature. and they need time mature.

Maybe for now it would be best to let her go, she feels that you should pay for everything, does she have a job, is she willing to work to see you?

**CynicalQuixotic** · November 26, 2011, 02:32 PM

I'm echoing everybody else here--you obviously deeply resent your girlfriend, and despite you two having the 'perfect' relationship outside of this, it's big enough that it will drive you apart. It's not realistic for you to expect your 16-year-old girlfriend to contribute financially in any real way. She's a child being supported by her parents, and it's not fair that you constantly berate her for this. I understand being envious of people who seem to have everything so easy--my ex boyfriend was very wealthy and very close to his family who did and bought everything for him, while my family is less well-off comparatively and I don't get along with my parents at all--but really, taking it out on her like this? She's a kid with no perspective.

Honestly, both of you sound pretty immature. You two would be much better off without each other, for both your sakes.

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