After the Financial Differences Thread

[Haley53]

The thing is, my SO never had to experience that. Not that she'll care. I bet she'll just use her age difference excuse again

Because at 16, if your parents can support you, they should be supporting you. Teaching you the value of money? Yes, that too, but for chrissakes, they're not going to stop providing for her when legally, she's still a minor and a dependent. So what if she's better off than a lot of other people? So what if she's better off than you? Doesn't mean she won't ever learn the value of a dollar, and she may never, but she sure as hell isn't going to learn it at 16. Even though I was working for what I wanted at 16, I still did not view money the same way I do now, at 20. Having more responsibility now and having had to mature (though still being lucky to have financial help, such as with school), I see money a lot differently than I did when I was 16 and still completely dependent on my mother and grandfather for support.

I agree with CynicalQuixotic. You're both too immature for this relationship. She's being 16, and you're asking too much from her. You're a 19-year-old adult asking for something from a kid that she can't give you, and in my opinion, you're not only berating her over this but throwing a tantrum over it like you have no choice. And you do have a choice. That money you set aside to see her? It could easily be used one night to go out with your friends. Quit blaming her for your financial struggles. Quit blaming her for not being able to go out. etc. Stop giving out to her and take some responsibility and accountability for you, your life, and the choices you're very capable of making. Grow up and stop pinning all the blame on a 16-year-old girl who's being just that: a 16-year-old girl. I think you both need to break from this unhealthy relationship and mature before entering a relationship again, to be completely frank. Because right now, she's acting her age, and you're acting like a kid who can't have his way. Quit trying to change her. She is who she is and she's at where she's at. Don't resent her for the life you never had. If you both can't work past this, and it doesn't seem like you're even willing seeing as the advice everyone's giving is falling on deaf ears - all you seem to want to say is "my SO is a spoiled little brat" but in diplomatic words - then the relationship is as good as done whether or not there's actually some inkling of love between you, but I'd doubt even that, because love doesn't resent to this point.

[floridaellen]

The thing is, my SO never had to experience that. Not that she'll care. I bet she'll just use her age difference excuse again

This comment really rubbed me the wrong way. I'm 19 and still have not had to experience real financial hardship. My SO is 18 and has. We are from totally different financial situations yet he is not bitter or angry towards me because my parents can afford to buy me things and his parents do not support him at all.
You should not be wishing financial hardship on your SO and you should stop making her feel like shit for something she cannot control. I used to have a friend who would do that to me. I was so much happier when we ended that friendship. It's not her fault she was born into that situation. She's a child. You should be happy for her that her family is financially stable.

[annb8888]

@bananabrain ... people shouldn't be attached to people, it isn't healthy to put your happiness in people, it should come from YOU. Is your SO making you happy? IN a way, maybe, but is your relationship healthy? I don't think so. Is she bringing out the best in you? I don't think so. Are you bringing out the best in her?

You see, if one issue in a relationship keeps coming back, the truth is, it will never be resolved. If both your minds are set on something and the back of your heads are screaming the same reason over and over again, nothing will be solved. It would take understanding and maturity to tackle issues like money, parents AND distance.

Here is what I think of your relationship: She is young, yes, a 16 year old can be matured but people age differently. I know 30 year olds who have the mindset of an 18 year old when it comes to tackling issues of fidelity, money or time management. You can't use the age reason because I know some 19 year olds who are as matured as 30 year olds. But your SO is clearly immature. When she tells you to "suck it up" or "complain that it's the same issue" she's just shutting out that problem down, and that isn't good for a relationship. No amount of make-up sex or sweet talk can mask an issue in a relationship.It HAS to be laid on the table and talked about. Now, if she can't talk about it, then obviously, she doesn't want to fix it.

Now, you on the other hand, maybe a little over the top - maybe the reason why she said that all you do is complain of the same thing over and over - is because you won't let it go. You're still frustrated over the fact that you have to pull out all your resources while she sits pretty comfortable and having so much fun with her friends. Now that's selfish. Your heart is dictating your mind of envy and frustration and you can't let that go so you tell her over and over and she gets saturated by it.

My suggestion, as I have said in your previous thread, let her go. Take a break from this relationship cause obviously you're both not on the same wavelength. Like I said, I'm not saying you stop loving her, but you have to let her go for now cause nothing's really working. It would also be a waste if you spend the next 4 years of college staying in an unhealthy relationship and regret it afterwards. What do you want to happen in the next 4 years? Think about these situation:

1. You stay with her and have these issues over and over, you spend the next 4 years broke and saving money for her that she doesn't appreciate, you missed college life, you missed the fun, friends, movies, food, travel and when she finally matures and understands LDRs, you on the other hand has resentment over her making you miss everything in that phase of your life while your friends talk about whos who in college and that big football game that gave your college the glory... that you missed.

OR

2. Take a break now, let both of you mature, live your life, find happiness in yourself. Have friends, do good in school, you can still chat with her, let her live her life, just keep connected but at a distance. listen to her if she wants to talk, chat with her if you want to tell her something. be friends first. if you have a hard time chatting with her (like you remember the days you & her are in a relationship), stop communicating for a while but let her know that you're still there for her. I'm not going to say "there are plenty of fish in the sea" cause I know how it is to love just one person but if you're both hurting each other,take a breather.

now in a few years (or maybe months) you can try again, she might or might not want to be in a relationship anymore but chances are, she may miss you & would be willing to try again.

All I'm saying is, bananabrain, your partner should bring out the best in you. It's not an age issue, it's actually an issue of compatibility.

good luck.

[snow_girl]

I don't want to compromise my lifestyle in favor of my SO.

If this is how you feel then you shouldn't be in a relationship. I also agree with everyone else.

[Jgui]

Have you tried to take a step back and reflect on this relationship? I think everyone here can agree on how unhealthy this relationship is. You're bein angry at her for something she cannot control, being resentful because she doesn't understand what you're going through.

How can you say you don't want to break up with her because you have a "perfect" relationship when you've stated so many flaws? Just because she isn't as mature as you are doesn't make her a bad person. Have you ever consider that it isn't the age that's the problem. It's your compatibility? There are some very mature 16-year-olds (hard to find. Ur they are out there).

It's now so much finding someone your age. It's more finding someone who understands where your coming from, on the same page as you, brings the best out of you, and is compatible with you.