Waiting years before meeting your SO in person?

[Lady Death]

See, there's something that might have extended my stay in college for a semester or two.
And I don't plan on telling my parents about my boyfriend until after college because they want me to finish my studies first and that my mother has trust issues when it comes to people from the Internet.

I also have to wait until I get a job before we make plans on meeting each other.
So, I'll have to wait maybe five years to meet him in person.

I know I'm not the only one who has to wait a few years to meet their SO.
Tell me about it!

(Those who have met, you can also pitch in the conversation. )

[lucybelle]

I would never do that.

Good luck

[Dziubka]

I agree with lucybelle. There's no way I would do that.

I wouldn't invest in a relationship with someone I wouldn't be able to meet irl for years.
I met my boyfriend close distance and IF we hadn't been able to have visits at least once a month, I would have broken up with him after I moved away. No matter how 'perfect' someone was for me, if I wouldn't be able to be with them on a regular basis, the relationship wouldn't make me happy.

Can't you get a job while in college and save up for a visit?

[rhomy]

Well, I can tell you how this is working for me... (or not working for me XD)

We've been together for over a year now and definitely It's driving me mad. It's not my first LDR (I had others when I was at university) and I'm use to it and even if I don't need to be with my partner very often... this IS REALLY DIFFICULT!

And it's only been a year, I can't think of 5!
I know probably you think you can make it, but patience has a limit and 5 years is too much.
How about him? Can't he travel first? (that would be the wisest thing to do) How old are you 2?

[Moon]

I would never do that.

Good luck

I agree with lucybelle. There's no way I would do that.

I wouldn't invest in a relationship with someone I wouldn't be able to meet irl for years.
I met my boyfriend close distance and we hadn't been able to have visits at least once a month, I would have broken up with him after I moved away. No matter how 'perfect' someone was for me, if I wouldn't be able to be with them on a regular basis, the relationship wouldn't make me happy.

Can't you get a job while in college and save up for a visit?

Agreed. I'd never invest that much of my youth on someone I couldn't meet in person, it's just not worth it.

[Caitlin2009]

i agree with everybody else, the most i would wait for a visit is 2 years. 5 years is a bit much just for a visit, but to answer your question it took me and Denise a year and a half to finally for a visit.

[Dezface]

It took my SO and I a year and 4 months to meet. By that time I felt like I was really going to lose it if I didn't see him soon. I wouldn't be able to wait that long. You're going to miss out on a big chunk of your life waiting for someone you haven't met.

[ForeverUs]

I met my SO in person before I entered a relationship with him. He visits the USA 3 or 4 times a year normally. While he was visiting a mutual friend, said friend decided to introduce us, and we got along great right from the start. He went home to Germany, but we continued talking over the internet, I saw him again on his next visit, and things went from there.

I honestly don't think I could be in a relationship with someone for 5 years without having met them in person before. That doesn't mean you can't, it will just be very difficult. What I would grapple with most if I was in your position would be investing so much of my life into a person I've never met face to face.

Best of luck!

[Lady Death]

I'd hate to admit it and I hate to sound rude, but I have to blunt:
I'm a little disappointed in your answers. What happened to "true love waits"?

I am a college student(and I'm delayed by a semester already), 19 years old and live in a society where online relationships are somewhat taboo.
It will be hard for me to bring it up to my parents, especially with my mother who's not only against online relationships, but is apparently afraid of me leaving the country for good. Also, travel would be expensive, but we'll both find a way around it.

I really have faith in my boyfriend and I see he's been really happy with me. It shows because he's been so sweet and caring towards me all the time.
All he's had in the past were failed online relationships and none of them lasted this long.
I am not willing to give this up.


If you guys think it's this bad, I think I can meet him in at least 2.5-3 years time.

[Moon]

You aren't being rude. You don't have to like the advice you're given though, just remember we're all neutral third-parties, so don't take it personally, just think about what was said. Honestly, the whole "true love waits" is a bit naive though, real life isn't that simple.

[lucybelle]

I'd hate to admit it and I hate to sound rude, but I have to blunt:
I'm a little disappointed in your answers. What happened to "true love waits"?

I am a college student(and I'm delayed by a semester already), 19 years old and live in a society where online relationships are somewhat taboo.
It will be hard for me to bring it up to my parents, especially with my mother who's not only against online relationships, but is apparently afraid of me leaving the country for good. Also, travel would be expensive, but we'll both find a way around it.

I really have faith in my boyfriend and I see he's been really happy with me. It shows because he's been so sweet and caring towards me all the time.
All he's had in the past were failed online relationships and none of them lasted this long.
I am not willing to give this up.


If you guys think it's this bad, I think I can meet him in at least 2.5-3 years time.

I don't think it's bad, I'm just saying that waiting 5 years to even meet someone would not even be an option to me. When my SO and I were LD I told him I could wait 3 years max to be together. We made it a priority and he moved in with me just before 2 years together. We both made sacrifices to visit each other and to close the distance. If someone couldn't come up with enough money to visit me within 5 years I don't think I'd want to be with them.

[Kiyama]

Honestly, the whole "true love waits" is a bit naive though, real life isn't that simple.

I agree with Moon. True love waits... But not forever. We are not in a fairy tale in which the princess keeps waiting for her prince to rescue her. Sorry if I sound a bit harsh but you are 19 years old and you have your whole life ahead of you and I personally wouldn't have spent five years of my youth until I could meet my boyfriend :/

[Caitlin2009]

You aren't being rude. You don't have to like the advice you're given though, just remember we're all neutral third-parties, so don't take it personally, just think about what was said. Honestly, the whole "true love waits" is a bit naive though, real life isn't that simple.

amen to that! and as i mentioned in another thread alot can happen within that time frame, feelings change, life issues change, ect i just would have a long talk with him about seeing you a little bit sooner then 5 years. 5 years would be the time limit of when you havent closed the distance, but the number one rule of an LDR is visit each other as often as you can, it can be once a week to once a year but someone has to visit ASAP other wise theres just no point in having a relationship without seeing each other at least once a year

[Sora1101]

I waited a little more than a year to meet my SO and honestly the only reason I didn't mind waiting that long was because, and I didn't realize this at the time but, until we met in person I didn't think my relationship would last, I guess to protect myself from getting hurt I somehow convinced myself that I didn't care whether we made it or not. But waiting 5 years just to meet someone is really extreme, you're so young and have tons of life experience ahead of you I'd hate to see you miss out on any of that because you were waiting around for this person.

What happens if after 5 years of waiting you meet and realize you don't have any chemistry together or something? All that waiting and putting your romantic life on hold would be a total waste and very depressing. It would be different if you met, even for a day or two, and you figured out that you two worked together and were willing to wait 5 years to actually be together. Then you could both be at ease knowing you're working towards being together and that you physically work together.

I'm sure you'll do what you want but please know that all of us here are just trying to play devil's advocate and show you that 5 years is a long time and things can change and we'd all hate for things not to work out.

[Lady Death]

So my relationship ISN'T worth waiting for and I should either dump him after a few years or either meet in two years?
Sorry, but I still disagree. Just because most of you met early doesn't mean I should.
Call me delusional or stupid, but I find it more and more difficult to agree with that.

Remember, there are cultural issues to this.

My mom doesn't approve of me to EVEN just think about relationships, let alone online ones. Heck, she keeps telling me her plans that I should get a master's degree and get a job after that! I don't think she even approves of me getting into ANY relationship!

(There was this one time I asked her, "What if I were gay?" and she was like "No, I can't have that." I asked her why. She told me that it'll be hard for me to cope with things.)

I think my mom doesn't even want me to have a family one day. She married at 23, so I think I know where she's coming from. I don't intend to get married until I'm 25 or 26, because by then, I'll have a stable source of income.

Yeah, I'm a terrible girlfriend because of this and this is pretty much the only relationship I've ever had.
But I'll try to meet him in 2.5 years.
It will NOT be easy, especially on my part.