Over-thinking and Paranoia

[jparrott13]

I am sure this is a common thing, but, does anyone ever go through periods of extreme anxiousness, like, is my SO getting tired of me? I haven't heard from them in a while, I wonder if they are annoyed with me etc? I know this is probably isn't realistic at all, but I am a person that tends to need confirmation to know that everything is alright, and I guess the distance makes it even harder, because communication is our only way of checking in! I know I drive myself crazy for no reason, but, how do you deal with it? Thanks!

[Verojoon]

This is SO me... And even when I think I get my over-thinking and paranoia in check, it creeps up unexpectedly... like today.. since I haven't heard from him at all today... (but I do remember that he was having phone problems last night, so maybe it is not working and he can't text me... ahh that will drive me crazy until he can get that fixed!!!)

(so um yes, I'm not sure I have much advice...)

[Honour]

I think everyone goes through a stage like this with their SO. I have these moments where I don't want to over-worry my other half with whatever is stressing me out, and he knows exactly when I'm not telling the truth or hiding something from him. He has the same moments sometimes. I also worry about his parents and the way they treat him, although as of late things haven't been that bad. I would just say to you try to close your mind to it, it's what I often do. It may not be easy, but it's better than worrying yourself silly over something all day.

[hevpie]

Oh yes!
I constantly have to ask for reassurance that everything is fine. It is so easy to mistake moments of silence and other things as something sinister. If I haven't heard from him all day *he messages me on yahoo regulaly* I keep thinking something terrible has happened. Or if he doesn't end a conversation with his usual I love you I panic.

Your not alone

[EnglishMan]

Same here haha, I think it's a general thing with relationships in general, not just LDRs. Fact is, if you really love something and value it immensely, its easier to get scared at the thought of losing it even if there isn't any apparent reason why you would lose it. It's usually very irrational imo.

My biggest thing is worrying that she might eventually decide this isn't for her, not that she'd lose her love for me but that the patience needed would seem too much or something. But it's not based on her character or on anything, I just really love her and want a guarantee that we'll persevere forever and get there when our silly countries decide somewhere down the road that it'll be ok for us to live together and all the rest of it. My worries are irrational because they aren't based on her, it would be the same if this was a close-distance relationship or whatever.

I think we all do it , like I said I think when you value something as much as we all value our relationships, then you will over-think about it because its something that matters to you.

[Benni]

Hi! Newbie here! Just wanted to say I go through the same thing -- my insecurities get the best of me even though we have daily contact online. But when he calls me on the phone, twice a week, and I hear his voice all my doubts are dashed and I can feel the love!

[Kiyama]

Kind of. I have a history of talking myself into the worst things. Not with regard to our communication anymore. I had that issue at the beginning. Two days without a call and I'd see the end of the world coming it took me months to get to the ground of that and to work through these insecurities. Try and see the bigger picture. A couple of days with less contact and what happens then? You're still fine right? You get all these little confirmation so try and remind yourself of that when it happens again.

[BlueCat]

I've had a lot of problems with it lately, but we haven't talked on skype in weeks. And I have a lot of other stress in my life at the moment, not just between us which always makes it harder.

[ShazzamSam]

I thought I was the only one going crazy with all the panic and what not. My mate and I had fought two weeks ago for three days straight because all of the stress/panic/insecurties I was having. This is also my first LDR and it has taken a toll already on me. When he doesn't text me at his usual time when he wakes up, I begin to think maybe he just doesn't want to talk or if he goes to bed early I begin to think perhaps he rather be out clubbing with his friends. The distance and realizing we are so close to finally meeting has begun to stress us both out. We are frustrated and over think and ask each other maybe we should just not talk as much. (Never happens lol) I also have baggage from previous relationships where the guy gets bored or interested in another girl and leaves. My mate has never had a relationship and actually used to sleep around a lot so that sort of makes me panic a bit.

Sorry to ramble there, but I've started to make myself calm down and think if he really didn't want to keep this going, he'd tell me or something that would finalize the whole relationship.

The only advice I can give you is to communicate with each other and try to shove the over-thinking and worry aside. Because if you let it consume you, you'll either go insane with worry and regret or screw up your relationship. Is thinking the worst (which is probably false) worth losing your mate?

[SoFarAway]

That feeling is one of suckiest part of an LDR. I know, my current relationship is brand new, but I have been in one for 6 months quite a while ago. We had problems too, which didn't make things easier.

The worst thing is if you had a fight over the phone, skype, etc. and you don't resolve the argument before you hang up. To make things worse... you have absolutely nothing to do that day as well. Your mind is playing mean tricks on you.

But this is something that helps me: Try to imagine your SOs daily schedule and how freaking busy it is (or not??) and calculate all the factors in it. My SO has only her cell phone to access the internet as of right now and I haven't heard from her in two days. I got worried too, but given the fact that she always works freakishly long hours and awful hours, she just doesn't have the time and probably the nerves to pick up her phone after a long day. And I understand. As a matter of fact, I just heard from her and that was exactly the reason why she hasn't replied to my freaking long emails in the past two days. Don't make the mistake to make up some terrifying scenarios what your SO might be doing right now. Cuz that won't make you happy and is probably not the case at all.

It will be a lot harder for me/us when I get back on the ship...

[nomnom_elf]

guilty as charged. sometimes my SO runs out of gear so is not his usual relaxed self, and can turn which puts my back up more esech if of late i've been feeling "is everything ok in the rltnshp" sense!!

got to remember though everyone has a bad day or mixted emotions; however tomorrow is a new day with new feelings, so as long as our OHs dont't say those dreaded words... all is still well!

[aomnomnom]

I blame it on the distance based on the fact that everytime i see his face, my doubts are gone, i dont even want to argue... maybe for me seeing him is all the reassurance i need. it sucks but i hope we can close the distance soon

[rubydissolution]

Actually, it mostly hits me around PMS time. I get really paranoid and sensitive to everything! Normally I'm fine, I know my bf loves me and all is well. Something about the hormone flux those 2 weeks makes me batsh*t crazy. I take things the wrong way, I get upset and cry over really stupid stuff and I totally over analyze his behavior. Things like he doesn't text me...HE JUST ISN'T A TEXTER! I KNOW THIS! But there I go analyzing his typical behavior making it something its not. Or he seems distant when we hang out but in reality he's worked from 4am-5pm on no more then 4 hours of sleep and he's exhausted. I so feel ur pain!

[Hollandia]

I get this all the time. When I first come back he is constantly sending emoticon kisses and telling me he misses me and he loves me but as the weeks go bye , they lessen. He makes time everyday to chat with me, I have even told him not to worry if he is too tired. He does it anyway. I can tell a huge difference in him from the beginning of chat when he gets done dinner till before he goes to bed. I know in my head, he is just getting tired, but it makes those fears increase. I start thinking, am I a bother or chore to him? Is he bored with this? I have brought it up and we talked about it. This is just me and my insecurities. He loves me and does not feel that way. I wish sometimes I could just get offline with him when he is still himself and get a proper goodbye instead of the shortened ones I get when he is half asleep.

Then we talk on the phone and all is right again. He calls me Baby and my heart melts. It is a vicious cycle and it is good to hear that I am not alone in it.

[redapple]

I was going to make a thread of something very similar myself! So no you are totally not alone! I wish I could develop a coping mechanism but I'm still working on it! I just get so panicked about it not working out sometimes I feel like I'm going to jepodise the relationship just because I worry so much.... So then I don't tell him... And then it builds up and I get more worried... As someone said above its a vicious cycle!!