Is his love gone?

[SquishyLove]

I replied a bit in the abusive relationships thread. The more I read, the more I strongly believe you are in one. I agree that you need to cut ties with him yesterday. Feel free to read a bit of my reply in that other thread. I have experience with this type of relationship in my past. I would NOT go to see him. I get a bad vibe about you traveling to see this guy, seriously. *HUGS* It WILL get better once you leave him. You will notice that you have less stress in your life. I know it seems daunting to think about ending it, but when you make a CLEAN break, you'll eventually notice how much easier it is to go through life without someone making you constantly feel like crap. And later on down the road there's a chance you'll meet someone new (like I did) and they'll treat you the way you deserve to be treated (and you need to be fully aware of the red flags for next time as well). Good luck to you. You REALLY deserve better and I hope you get away from this asshole.

[innocentbutterfly]

@squishylove thank you, i read all of what you said, but have you read our conversations too up there? you can see from his viewpoint and then tell me what you think

[aniay]

I red the convo and I'm even more sure GET AWAY FROM HIM!

He calls your questions idotic!

He tells you to change

He tells you he won't change

And it's HIS WORDS!


He wants an obedient little puppet that will do everything as he wants it to. He wants just ANY girl who will follow him like a puppy.

IT WILL NOT CHANGE! THOSE THINGS DOESN'T!

I'm angry now because if I could I would kick his ass for how he's treating you!

[Swederica]

Swederica thank you really for your words, I really consider all options right now... the more I think the more bad i feel...

did you read the doc? you can tell me what you think about it

I have now. Where is he from? Because that conversation scared me. Had I said half of the stuff he did in a relationship here, I'd get slapped in the face and rightfully so.

He's right in that his english is beyong awful but there's some key things there.


Just run, please? I'm honestly reaching the point where I'm willing to beg you to end it now. NOONE should be allowed to say that and get away with it. As aniay, he wants a toy and he's not willing to do anything for you.

[innocentbutterfly]

thank you guys for your replies. I know hes not adjustable, but who knows if hes the same in real? Because over internet someone can say so much stuff how they want someone, but when you meet its another story. I mean its different, right? I dont know, i have always been the way that I Never judged people too fast until I Knew them fully and well on the internet that's still not real, what if he wouldnt do and say half the things then? I mean people act different when ur in front of them, rather than behind a pc screen. Besides, thats only 1st meeting...maybe I Should just go and see for real& then decide? Because my feelings are pretty shaken up already now. Maybe just go, enjoy this time, see the country with him and then decide? I mean who knows how we would click together then, because he is a realist, maybe he would loosen up a bit after having me in front of him? I mean i got a chance and a ticket and he would pay the hotel and i dont exactly want his money to go to waste though he doesnt care for it. What do you think?

swederica, hes from turkey. And could yo please delete that copy of conversation in ur post, now that ive seen it? In case hes lurking somewhere... Btw guys, do you even think he loves me truly then? Because its true he spends last bits of time for me

[chizatlauren]

He's a tool. And a douche. That's all i can say. Please follow the advice of the people here and run away as far as you can from this guy. You deserve to be loved and respected dear, not to be treated like sh*t. Be strong, we are here for you.

[innocentbutterfly]

guys I Really am thankful for your support here, but as much as I Convince myself im strong enough, I Just broke down crying. This article so explains me when it comes to questions there https://www.lovepanky.com/love-couch...meone-you-love i am just so sad and confused and broken that i still am finding reasons how to fix it, i dont know why it hurts so much, i never felt so much hurt or love for someone before

[aniay]

Someone might be better online but I never heard about someone being worse online than IRL.

It's not him you need to break up with, it's your imagination of him. It hurts because you are seeing this perfectionized being and you are so attached to it. It hurts because you fell in love.

If I were you I'd cut all contact, block his email and phone. This way you will not feel temptation to talk with him. I don't believe he will fight for you if you tell him you are breaking up with him. He is not in love with you because you are not the way he wants.

Ask your family and friends for help. Start doing something, reading, playing... something you like and enjoy to take your mind off.

Remind yourself why you are doing it.

And remember you are worthy of ACCEPTATION worth of RESPECT and worth of someone who will treat you like a treasure not a trash.

ETA: And cry as much as you can, as much as you want and as much as you need. Whine, bitch, yell, scream... whatever helps. It is good to let everything out.

*hugs so hard*

[Swederica]

thank you guys for your replies. I know hes not adjustable, but who knows if hes the same in real? Because over internet someone can say so much stuff how they want someone, but when you meet its another story. I mean its different, right? I dont know, i have always been the way that I Never judged people too fast until I Knew them fully and well on the internet that's still not real, what if he wouldnt do and say half the things then? I mean people act different when ur in front of them, rather than behind a pc screen. Besides, thats only 1st meeting...maybe I Should just go and see for real& then decide? Because my feelings are pretty shaken up already now. Maybe just go, enjoy this time, see the country with him and then decide? I mean who knows how we would click together then, because he is a realist, maybe he would loosen up a bit after having me in front of him? I mean i got a chance and a ticket and he would pay the hotel and i dont exactly want his money to go to waste though he doesnt care for it. What do you think?

swederica, hes from turkey. And could yo please delete that copy of conversation in ur post, now that ive seen it? In case hes lurking somewhere... Btw guys, do you even think he loves me truly then? Because its true he spends last bits of time for me

You know our advice, you know our opinion on the whole deal. We've been over this and you know what we'll say now.

You also seem hellbent on going on with this, meet him and uphold the dream of turning stone into gold.

There's really nothing I can do more than what I've already done. I'm begging you to stand up for yourself. I'm begging you not to degrade yourself. I'm begging you to stop thinking short-term when it comes to your emotions. I'm begging you to not accept ANYONE talking to you like that. In the end, I can only do so much.

My advice remains: Don't go to see him because he doesn't deserve it. Even if he turns out to be an angel in real life, how do you expect to go through an LDR if he's not himself online? It wouldn't work out. That is why you should quit this relationship and find someone that will treat you well. That cares about your feelings. It's the same thing really you've heard before and over a forum it's unfortunatle everything I can really do. If you want to heed our advice or not, is entirely up to you. We certainly hope you will.

[innocentbutterfly]

Thank you both, guys.

aniay, well I don't know, but I remember in other one of my threads there was a girl, her boyfriend iranian and she said he's had similar behaviour up until they met and he was actually different in real. Something about cultural difference's, different mentality and stuff.

Now I'm not saying I suddenly accepted how he treats me. But I've done so much thinking and came to some factors that well are real, no matter what way you look at it.
- he's been cheated on before, hurt, lied too, his trust in women is shaken
- he's a shy one, though not always
- its in his culture and religion that a woman is supposed to be with a man and give him children and not hang out with other guys. He never said he fobid's me high school MALE friends, just he doesn't accept drinks with them or whatever.
- its been a year and a half, the wait gets to your mentality. We've worked really hard to get the ticket. We were so close to May, but then everything fell into water. He had already everything for a holiday scheduled at work and he had to change it. It would eat my nerves too.
- we fought, a lot. weekly. and we had a major fight in March, thats where a little bit of a giver up in him came out.
-he has the hardest way of expressing feelings I've ever seen in a guy, he hardly trusts and when he does you gotta take small steps with him

So I'm thinking it's not necessarily he's an abusive person. Though he did say when he was a small kid he did some stuff with animals which I don+t support. But every person has some dark past and I don't wanna judge. We are all a little animalistic inside.

And about everything he says to me, yes, it hurts me, but he knows it, sometimes he just has those uncontrollable moments, because in a way he's getting back at me for months and months of fighting and at the beginning even I was using some sharp words and accusing him stuff because of my insecurities.

Either way, he asked me about my trip again and found out his work holidays somehow got changed for 3 days and I told him I've had some issues with my professors not letting me miss exams and he was sad. We both looked for solution. He was even ready to move it to a one more month of wait.

And all in all. I kind of get the way he behaves because he told me many times before it's hard for him believing much into something that is just online. And well to be honest, so am I. I have no idea how we would feel in reality, so maybe he's just guarding himself and expresses that in a more hurting way. Guys usually aren't aware what little stuff can hurt a girl.

So I decided, I'm gonna go there. Get my reality check and we both agreed even when we started if we don't feel anything, we just finish and go our ways and look at it as a holiday. I've got nothing to lose, because nothing is set in stone, but I can't eat myself up for judging him only for an online personality. Like Swederica said, he might not be too good at being himself online and well I don't blame him. The reality is I can't set all my opinions on something that's just on the internet. No one knows what kind of love is that until you actually have the person standing in front of you and well, people do tend to be different in real than they are online. Even I am.

So I'm thankful for all your opinions, but that's my decision for now, unless really something comes up that would make us break up. I'll see. For now after that trip talk he's started to behave a little different, he even sent me photos today when we had a talk and I know how much he doesn't like to take them and when I was a bit feisty last night he just wanted to go to bed, he said I think it's better we don't talk, because he doesn't want to fight and well I calmed down because it really is pointless.

Besides, there are opinions and then there's reality. Some people come out in people's eyes so much different even bad. When only that person loving knows and feels how it really is. And I do believe there is a chance he isn't half of how he's behaving online. Because I know how much importance also has to him that he pays everything for a woman, so who knows he might treat me totally sweet in reality. He does tend to say "wait and maybe you will see my true feelings when you're finally here" because he indeed sucks at expressing them over internet.

[aniay]

Thank you both, guys.

Besides, there are opinions and then there's reality. Some people come out in people's eyes so much different even bad. When only that person loving knows and feels how it really is.

Oh how wrong you are

But It's your decision no matter what we think of it.

I just hope that we are wrong and that you won't have to experience the painfull lesson many women had to learn.

I tried to help to my strength. Good luck, DO and whatever the outcome, you can always msg me.

[innocentbutterfly]

Thank's a lot, aniay. I'll make sure I write about my experience. If it's bad, well, its just a first meeting, then when I'll know the reality it'll be much easier for me to let go if it turns out to be bad.

[.:*Shaunna*:.]

I'm going to be blunt... dont walk away. run

[innocentbutterfly]

blunt or not I still wonder how can we judge an online personality/relationship and everything with what's real

[Swederica]

blunt or not I still wonder how can we judge an online personality/relationship and everything with what's real

Here's the deal. Internet is generally a place where it's really easy to seem like a better person than you actually are. Whether you actually intend it or not. But a part from the MOBA community and the like, I've never heard of someone in a relationship or internet chat that's acting worse than that person would in real life. Not at this magnitude.

Honestly I think you're in denial, and there's nothing we can do for you more than what we have. There's tons of replies here that all share the exact same opinion.