Am I in a LDR or not? (I know I know, am I silly or what?)

[Joeyleery]

Hello everyone,

Ok, to the point, this is going to be too long anyway

I met this guy three years ago; we were in the same group of friends in Uni, and we really connected very quickly, in a friendly, not-at-all-romantic kind of way. OK, being honest, I thought he was extremely cute and I fancied him, but I was trying really hard to work on a relationship at the time and regarded him as "that friend you have a small crush on but will never do anything about it".

So, I was seeing someone (on an off) and I liked my friend. Never did anything about it, because I wanted things to work with the other guy, but we had a couple of nights in which we ended up sharing some innocent kisses in the pub. (I know, I felt terrible) and one night when we were the only ones awake at a slumber party and we had to stop ourselves from going too far.

Anyway, although I had a hard time thinking how it was possible that I could like two guys at the same time, I ended up going for the on and off boyfriend, who became my steady boyfriend some time after that. Fast forwarding, I moved to London from Spain, and after two years, one of them of LDR, my boyfriend broke up with me.

Since then, I thought a lot about the first guy, thinking that maybe I had made the wrong choice, specially because we are still good friends and I still fancied him after all this time. So one day, a couple of months ago, out of the blue, I told him via FB. It was a "not-so-innocent" message saying "If I regret something, that something is not giving us a shot when we were in Uni together". And then magic happened and he answered me that he felt the same way.

We have been messaging, chatting, sending each other stupid jokes, and talking almost every day since. We ended up deciding that we wanted to see each other again.

He has visited this weekend and only left some hours ago back to Spain. We had the most amazing weekend, but it was not what you would call "100% romantic". It was more of a friends who really fancy each other but still annoy each other with friendly jokes, and play around and behave like teenagers (we are both 25) and at night we share a bed and feel extremely awkward but end up sleeping together (as in having sex), and it feels right.

So, my question is, are we starting something? is it just a "friends who play a game" kind of situation? as I said, it is not overly romantic, although it is physical, kisses and sex, but not romantic kissing randomly in the street, and there is also a holding hands while watching tv kind of situation.Is this how a LDR may start? Is it mixed signals, or am I just overthinking it?

And if you have read the whole story, than you, if only for that! Would love to see what everybody thinks!

Joey

[Anoulie]

a) Did you kiss? (other than a quick peck on the cheek or whatever)
b) Have you considered asking HIM how he feels about that? (as in, "Hey, are we, like, boyfriend and girlfriend now or what?")

[LadyDaemon]

I honestly think this is something you have to decide for yourself. I can tell you that it looks like there might be a spark there and that it might evolve into something more,but I don't know your relationship the way you do. That can only be decided between the two of you,so the best advice I can give is for you to talk to him,tell him how you feel and then decide together whether or not you want pursue a relationship. If you decide you want to and you become LDR,just know (in case you've never been in a LDR before) that it takes a lot to deal with. You both are going to have communicate and trust each other. Hope this helps.

[Dziubka]

I agree with Anoulie that you should probably ask him how he feels about it.
But then I think and for me it has pretty much always been the case, that relationships need to sort of evolve. And I really don't like putting a label on something prematurely. There's a certain point where yes, I'd like to know whether we are in a relationship and how committed we both are. But it has to evolve.
It's sort of weird to be to "decide" to be in a relationship. I remember that when we first started seeing each other my boyfriend took me to his friend's birthday party and apparently he had told his friends that he was coming with his girlfriend. We had known each other about three weeks back then (I think?) and they were like "So, you're [my SO]'s girlfriend then?" and I was all "Wha? Nooooo... well... No. Not really!" and it was a bit awkward But at the same time if he had tried to have a "So what are we now?" talk with me back then, I would have been a bit freaked out. "Who cares, dude? I've only known you for less than a month, I have no idea if I want to be your girlfriend and don't tell me you're in love with me, because you barely know me!"

If it feels right and makes you happy (!), it's not really important what it is. As long as it feels right, continue and see where it's going.

(PS: I LOVE reading stories like that. I love the beginning of a relationship when everything is still all new and exciting and everytime they answer a text or sent you a fb message it's like Christmas and your birthday at the same time and ahhh. I mean... I'm super happy in my relationship and wouldn't trade it, but awww. Ok, I'll stop being a creep now. Good luck and let us know how it goes.)

[Joeyleery]

a) Did you kiss? (other than a quick peck on the cheek or whatever)
b) Have you considered asking HIM how he feels about that? (as in, "Hey, are we, like, boyfriend and girlfriend now or what?")

a) We did kiss, we had sex.
b) I know, I know, any way around it? haha

[Anoulie]

a) We did kiss, we had sex.
b) I know, I know, any way around it? haha

a) If I were in your situation, I'd totally consider myself in a relationship, but I'm not you and you're not me, which is why
b) you need to talk to him, like, yesterday. Do it. Now. And don't forget to report back

[Ejoriah]

I don't think you necessarily have to ask if you are boyfriend and girlfriend now.. that's kinda out of the blue and he may want to talk about things with you before coming to a conclusion. Maybe he wants to figure out how it will work out, who will visit, etc etc, before committing to a relationship.

I would tell him that you had a really good time with him and you'd like you two to be more than friends with benefits; see where that takes you.

[Joeyleery]

quick update (because you know you love them, hahaha)

Ok, so, it has been strange and weird as it tends to be with beginnings... He left and we kept texting and talking, although since he left we have not had one of our three hour long chats. It is understandable, as these tend to happen in the weekends and he left last weekend! so no time yet.

I have had my moments of stupid panic when he would not answer my texts and I would start thinking "we hooked up and now he is going to disappear", but he has always end up replying, and a couple of times starting the conversation himself. We have flirted and laugh and talk while smiling stupidly about the weekend and about all the things we have not done and should do "next time".

Now I am on that situation in which I dont know how much is "overly attached" and how much is just "caring", because I have always been a bit too attached and I dont want to scare him off, specially now that we are starting something. So I am scared about texting him too much, but also about maybe letting it cool down too much by thinking my texting is too much (sorry, not making much sense here...)

I sent him a text a couple of days ago telling him I would like to have a nice long talk on the weekend as we used to do and he answered me "Ok, just so you know, I have a birthday party on Saturday". Which I know is a perfectly fine answer! but my overthinking thinks it is really cold and excuse-like.

And I am rambling too much again... sorry about that.

Thank you to everyone that replied. I think Ejoriah is right in the sense that I dont think I should put a label on it yet, and I am fine with it, but I can still be silly and worry about stupid "too cold" messages right?