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    #1

    I need of some help ...

    BACK STORY
    So me and my SO "Stephen" added each other in July 2011 on Facebook because we were both fan's of the late Michael Jackson, but I can't really remember who added who first, but anyway he then waited till April 2012 at to send me a message saying "Hiii " and that was the first ever message he sent me and I still remember our conversations like it was just yesterday. We found out a lot about each other and just enjoyed chatting to each other on Facebook. I then found myself not going on Facebook as much as I use to, mostly to do with what happened in October of that same year. I fell depressed and considered suicide, I got bullied at school so I didn't show up at school for weeks and just locked myself in my room and cried, sometimes not eating for days. I was lonely and didn't have much friends to turn to so I kept to myself until I went back on Facebook ... I got talking again with Stephen and he told me that he missed me which made me feel so wanted and special. One thing lead to another and after a few days of talking again on December 3, 2012 he confessed that he loved me and we then made it official the next day. On Christmas he sent me a cute Christmas card and on that day we also saw each other for the first time on video chat after only seeing each other over YouTube videos we sent to each other. New Years was the second time we video chatted and we talked, played games, and had a laugh from my New Years to his as he is 6 hours behind me in St. Louis, Missouri, US. In the year 2013 things started to become tough for us and at one point in March of that year, I totally gave up on us, but after I did, I couldn't stop thinking about him and I knew right then when he was gone that I couldn't stop thinking about him and I knew right then when he was gone that I couldn't live my life without him and my feelings for him just became stronger. Then something devastating happened to me on the week starting April 8, 2013 where I attempted to take my own life. I was admitted to hospital and diagnosed with depression that had been long standing in my life. I knew I suffered from anxiety because I had panic attacks at night from the age of 11. My best friend from since we were 4 when we met at church (our family especially our mothers and grandparents was always close), augured with me for the first time. She told me that she hated Stephen because of his age, he's 8 years older then me, and told me all sorts of stuff that I could never imagine her saying. She told me what I have with Stephen is not love, when at the start of our relationship she supported me. In March she was actually the reason me and Stephen broke it off, but I totally regret, even now, listening to her. These events really took a strain on our relationship and even though Stephen found it hard to trust me again, he stood by me through it all and it just made us stronger. So in June I sent him a emotional and passionate letter with a picture of me and a drawing I did of me and him together. Which in turn slowly gained me his trust back as I proved to him how much he really means to me and how much I love him. I filled that letter with so much love and passion that he felt it and forgave me for all the wrong I did him. In that same month I made my first phone call to him which he loved hearing my voice. My family (my Mom, my brothers, my sister, and my Dad) were always concerned about my relationship online with Stephen considering his age, but have never pulled out all stops to break us up like my best friend, who is more like a sister, has been doing. I have been in a relationship with Stephen for 8 months and 17 days and he has done nothing but made me happy we have even talked about the future together and she is still trying to tell me we are wrong for each other and our relationship is sick and unhealthy. I don't know what to do, I'm torn between my best friend and my boyfriend. I'm really confused, but without them both in my world I would feel incomplete.

    I don't know what to do and I really need some advice. Should I really have to choose between my best friend and my future?
    Facebook Friends since July 2011

    We have known each other since
    April 12, 2012
    sigpic
    & we have been together since
    December 4, 2012

    “Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough...”
    Tags: advice needed, america, england, love across oceans, teen
    #2
    Hi Lydia

    That is such a sad story I hope you're ok! <3
    Sounds like a tough situation...have you tried talking to her about how much it hurts you that she is not supporting you? Age differences aren't really that much of a big deal in my opinion. I know a happily married couple and he is 12 years older than her. They got a lot of critique on that but they never cared and now they're super happy with each other (: Maybe your friend could talk to Stephen? If she talks to him or chats with him she might realize that he's a very nice guy and that she doesn't need to be concerned about you (:

    Comment

      #3
      Hey!
      Could it be that she is jealous? Just a thought.
      How are you feeling nowadays? I think that the most important thing for you to concentrate on right now is your own health and happiness. So that you learn to love yourself and that you can be strong on your own and don't fall to pieces if you end up loosing one or the other. In other words so that your happiness isn't dependant on another human. I know it is hard, but that is the only way to make it in life.
      Congrats for finding someone who makes you happy, they are the best kind
      Take care and hugs!

      Comment

        #4
        Originally posted by USofSam View Post
        Hi Lydia

        That is such a sad story I hope you're ok! <3
        Sounds like a tough situation...have you tried talking to her about how much it hurts you that she is not supporting you? Age differences aren't really that much of a big deal in my opinion. I know a happily married couple and he is 12 years older than her. They got a lot of critique on that but they never cared and now they're super happy with each other (: Maybe your friend could talk to Stephen? If she talks to him or chats with him she might realize that he's a very nice guy and that she doesn't need to be concerned about you (:
        I'm okay especially knowing I have someone that loves me. Stephen is like a angel to me. They actually did talk to each other back in February when she supported us both and they had a good conversation and she said to me that he seems genuine and now she has just turned on me and I think that it has a whole lot to do with her boyfriend. I don't get it, I think it's selfish. She just turned on me, like she was a whole different person. I have tried everything I can, but she is just getting brainwashed by what her boyfriends opinion of our relationship is It hurt me so much x
        Facebook Friends since July 2011

        We have known each other since
        April 12, 2012
        sigpic
        & we have been together since
        December 4, 2012

        “Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough...”

        Comment

          #5
          Originally posted by Ahava View Post
          Hey!
          Could it be that she is jealous? Just a thought.
          How are you feeling nowadays? I think that the most important thing for you to concentrate on right now is your own health and happiness. So that you learn to love yourself and that you can be strong on your own and don't fall to pieces if you end up loosing one or the other. In other words so that your happiness isn't dependant on another human. I know it is hard, but that is the only way to make it in life.
          Congrats for finding someone who makes you happy, they are the best kind
          Take care and hugs!
          She is most definitely not jealous, but thank you for the advice x
          Facebook Friends since July 2011

          We have known each other since
          April 12, 2012
          sigpic
          & we have been together since
          December 4, 2012

          “Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough...”

          Comment

            #6
            If I was your friend I would be concerned as well. 8 years is a huge gap. You and your SO are in totally different places mentally, or at least you should be. It is a little disturbing that he's with you but I digress, I'm not here to lecture.

            I would suggest the same thing that Ahava said. Don't allow your happiness to be dependant on another human being. It will take time but as long as you're working towards self fulfillment and reaching your own inner peace/happiness instead of relying solely on others to fill that void for you, there will be a little less stress in your life. Your friend shouldn't make you choose between your SO and her, but at the end of the day you must do what you feel in your heart is right to do. You have to make your own decision without her influence.

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by Lydia_Decourcy View Post
              I'm okay especially knowing I have someone that loves me. Stephen is like a angel to me. They actually did talk to each other back in February when she supported us both and they had a good conversation and she said to me that he seems genuine and now she has just turned on me and I think that it has a whole lot to do with her boyfriend. I don't get it, I think it's selfish. She just turned on me, like she was a whole different person. I have tried everything I can, but she is just getting brainwashed by what her boyfriends opinion of our relationship is It hurt me so much x
              That really sucks I've experienced stuff like that as well where people change because of their SO's opinion. I hope she'll be a better friend to you soon again because that's not how a friend should act

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by princessmaria View Post
                If I was your friend I would be concerned as well. 8 years is a huge gap. You and your SO are in totally different places mentally, or at least you should be. It is a little disturbing that he's with you but I digress, I'm not here to lecture.

                I would suggest the same thing that Ahava said. Don't allow your happiness to be dependant on another human being. It will take time but as long as you're working towards self fulfillment and reaching your own inner peace/happiness instead of relying solely on others to fill that void for you, there will be a little less stress in your life. Your friend shouldn't make you choose between your SO and her, but at the end of the day you must do what you feel in your heart is right to do. You have to make your own decision without her influence.
                I know it's a huge gap but you can't choose who you fall in love with. We actually want the same things out of life and that's what I love about a older guy is that they want to settle down and they really know how to treat you. Thanks for your advice though x
                Facebook Friends since July 2011

                We have known each other since
                April 12, 2012
                sigpic
                & we have been together since
                December 4, 2012

                “Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough...”

                Comment

                  #9
                  Originally posted by USofSam View Post
                  That really sucks I've experienced stuff like that as well where people change because of their SO's opinion. I hope she'll be a better friend to you soon again because that's not how a friend should act
                  Yeah me too :/ x
                  Facebook Friends since July 2011

                  We have known each other since
                  April 12, 2012
                  sigpic
                  & we have been together since
                  December 4, 2012

                  “Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough...”

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I am really sorry to hear about your situation. And I hope, above all else, you take care of yourself and get to a place where you are happy and it isn't dependent on outside situations and people.

                    While I agree with some of the concerns that your family and friends my have with the age difference between you and your SO, I think there is a proper way to address it depending on the relationship. The difference between 16 and 24 can seem very large as you both are still learning about yourselves and shaping the direction of your life. As you grow older, that age gap isn't as significant. However, at this time, you both seem to be taking it slow so that's a good thing.

                    As for your friend, I think you really need to tell her to stop. She's expressed her opinion and you heard her. Just tell her, it's noted but as of right now nothing is going to change. You are not on this earth to live by her whims or opinions. She's free to not like your SO and she's free to have her opinion, but that is all. She's not free to put you in a position of telling you who you are allowed to be with or holding her friendship hostage until you do as she says. Would she break up with her boyfriend if you told her you don't like him and you want them to break up or you won't be her friend?

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Personally, I don't care too much about age differences, I know a lot of happy couples with a huge age gap ant they don't care and I don't care either
                      what was it? Love is not a number?

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Originally posted by loneliestgirl View Post
                        I am really sorry to hear about your situation. And I hope, above all else, you take care of yourself and get to a place where you are happy and it isn't dependent on outside situations and people.

                        While I agree with some of the concerns that your family and friends my have with the age difference between you and your SO, I think there is a proper way to address it depending on the relationship. The difference between 16 and 24 can seem very large as you both are still learning about yourselves and shaping the direction of your life. As you grow older, that age gap isn't as significant. However, at this time, you both seem to be taking it slow so that's a good thing.

                        As for your friend, I think you really need to tell her to stop. She's expressed her opinion and you heard her. Just tell her, it's noted but as of right now nothing is going to change. You are not on this earth to live by her whims or opinions. She's free to not like your SO and she's free to have her opinion, but that is all. She's not free to put you in a position of telling you who you are allowed to be with or holding her friendship hostage until you do as she says. Would she break up with her boyfriend if you told her you don't like him and you want them to break up or you won't be her friend?
                        Your so right Thank you for the help and advice They are much appreciated x
                        Facebook Friends since July 2011

                        We have known each other since
                        April 12, 2012
                        sigpic
                        & we have been together since
                        December 4, 2012

                        “Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough...”

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Originally posted by USofSam View Post
                          Personally, I don't care too much about age differences, I know a lot of happy couples with a huge age gap ant they don't care and I don't care either
                          what was it? Love is not a number?
                          Age is just a number It doesn't determine who you are or who you should be with Thank you so much x
                          Facebook Friends since July 2011

                          We have known each other since
                          April 12, 2012
                          sigpic
                          & we have been together since
                          December 4, 2012

                          “Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough...”

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Age is not just a number...

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Originally posted by princessmaria View Post
                              Age is not just a number...
                              Age is just a number
                              Facebook Friends since July 2011

                              We have known each other since
                              April 12, 2012
                              sigpic
                              & we have been together since
                              December 4, 2012

                              “Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough...”

                              Comment

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