Age difference - advantage or disadvantage?

[Fretboard_Magic]

My boyfriend is 16 years older than me. For me it has never been an issue and he says it also keeps him young The only who really seem to have problem with our age difference are people around

I totally relate to this. So many people(also depending on what kind of cultural backgrounds they have) seem to have this fixed view on the age difference aspect to the point where it's almost like they refuse to believe relationships with big age gaps can work, while always accusing - in many cases falsely so - the older party of various things. It doesn't matter if a couple is perfectly happy in their relationship. There will always be people who look at inter-generational relationships from a particularly coloured glasses(much older party = bad), and create a problem from nothing even if such inter-generational couples are perfectly happy in their relationships. This is actually more alarming than big age gaps themselves in my opinion, because it may very well promote false victimization of the younger party regardless of whether they are happy or not.

[jana89]

I totally relate to this. So many people(also depending on what kind of cultural backgrounds they have) seem to have this fixed view on the age difference aspect to the point where it's almost like they refuse to believe relationships with big age gaps can work, while always accusing - in many cases falsely so - the older party of various things. It doesn't matter if a couple is perfectly happy in their relationship. There will always be people who look at inter-generational relationships from a particularly coloured glasses(much older party = bad), and create a problem from nothing even if such inter-generational couples are perfectly happy in their relationships. This is actually more alarming than big age gaps themselves in my opinion, because it may very well promote false victimization of the younger party regardless of whether they are happy or not.

Absolutely agree in all the points!!! Just so you know, in my particular case both me and my man were accused of so many totally stupid things. They say he is probably pervert, only has me for sex and is cheating on me while we are apart. I was named "gold-digger", which is very funny, cause my bf is everything but not someone you would date for money But people do not know this and do not even care, they are just full of prejudice and conventions. Those friends who met my bf really like him and that is what matters to me.

[marbear31]

Here I thought our 10 year age difference was a big gap! Haha


More important than age is life stage. I think it is very important to be on the same page and in similar points in life. Age isn't much if both people are on the same level experience wise.

I love this! Haha my SO and I are ten years apart as well! I love how you put it as "life stage" makes the biggest difference, because I definitely agree. I think one of the reasons my SO and I work is that we're both in quite similar phases in life--still not quite ready to settle down and bang out babies at this exact moment in life, but we want to get married within the next year/two years. We've been talking about getting married since we were together about four months (it's now been just over two years) once we saved up enough for a wedding and I finished college, and we're now at the stage where I should be done with college (long story) and his business is really starting to pick up. I just got a job over here in Ireland, and I think right now we're transitioning to our next, more working towards saving up phase with each other.

So, yeah, that turned into a summary of my life. Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is that if we were both in vastly different phases (he had a well-established career and wanted kids right now, for example, and I was freshly graduated and wanted to travel around for four or five years), I can definitely see age being an issue--or, as jaclynrae put it, life stages being an issue. We're both moving at the same pace right now, though, and our future goals line up almost exactly (just factoring in career differences). I think sometimes the "balance of power" is more in his favor, but that is because this is my first relationship, and, let's face it, he does have ten years of life experience on me. (Although, I guess this is sort of his "first" relationship, too, because his only other serious one was highly dysfunctional and just not good for either party involved.)

At the end of the day, we're both willing to learn from each other, love each other, and respect each other, and that's the thing that matters the most, in my opinion.

[Lucky]

Didn't you know Jana? every man on the planet older than you willing to date you is a perverted millionaire and you are of course "just a child" /sarcasm-off lol

If someone wants to limit themselves with numbers that is fine. I did for a while, though avoiding men my age instead of the other way around. I know some women unwilling to date anyone who gets a smaller pay check than they do, to each their own, it's just a preference and there are always exceptions.

[mayafish]

Through my own experiences as well as of those around me, personally age really is of no importance to me when it comes to love.
My SO is 5 years younger than me, and while I did have some reservation at first, we are just too connected to let this chance of being with someone so wonderful slip by.
It is not easy finding someone who appreciates you with all your quirks and whom you feel geniously happy and 100% safe with.

The thing about being in different stages in life at a different age does not always apply.
A lot really depends on how every person ticks and what they experienced in life.

My SO and I are both working, have similar hobbies and preferences and are often alike in thoughts and way of thinking.
In fact we match a lot more than any other person I've ever been with.

I think personality and compatibility play a way more important factor than age.

I'm not comfortable with the thought of an adult - minor relationship, that should be off limit always! until the person becomes of age.
But a young person can be mature and an older person can be immature, because what shapes us is not our age but our life.

[melarie]

I actually thought that I'd never date someone less than a few years older than me until I met my current boyfriend. In fact, if I remember, I wrote him off as just a friend after I found out he was the same age as me. I had always liked older people, not just in a romantic sense, but in friendships as well. My cutoff would be early 30's though, for how old I'd go at my current age.

I think it makes a bigger difference as a teen. The older you get, the less it matters, because you go from basically a child and nearly an adult, to simply two adults.

[Moonlit Nocturne]

I agree that some couples can definitely work with an age difference, but the stage of life they're in, and their maturity levels are huge deciding factors. For example, there's a few years between my parents, but they did alright.

However, my friend (nineteen) tried dating a guy who was fifteen. That relationship crashed and burned within a month or two because of the vast maturity difference, and left my friend hurt and angry at herself for even thinking they could make it work. He was just too immature. Also, someone else I know (almost seventeen) tried dating a friend who was a few years older once. It didn't last a week.

Long story short, I believe both parties should at least be in a similar stage of life, and have the same maturity levels for it to really work. That's just my opinion though. :P

[moonsong]

I, personally, have no problem with age difference. I think it is up to each individual what their personal age range should be with their SO. As long as the couple is comfortable with it, then everyone else should just try to be as supportive as possible. Sometimes it can be difficult, especially if the age difference is significantly large, but as long as the couple is happy then who cares what their age is.

I agree with this :3

[Anoulie]

Age differences are relative. You're 40 and your partner 52? Fine with me. But I seriously wonder what's going on with a 30 year old who goes after an 18 year old. Especially because of that life stages thing.

[ElphabaWoods]

I don't think age difference matters once you turn 18. However sometimes an age gap can be too large but if they're happy who are we to complain (: I've done 6 years difference with my ex and didn't really notice the difference cause i acted more mature and him less. I think its just who you fall in love with.

[Karringtyn]

I am 44. My husband is 30. Anyone that knows me knows that I am truly in love and at the happiest point I have ever been. Would I have dated a 20 year old when I was 34? I don't know...I just know today...where I am at in my life, IT WORKS. <3

[alli.efeelink]

Agreed. Age is just a number.

How do you guys view age difference? Is it an advantage, or a disadvantage? Before I met my SO I wouldn't have thought of being in a relationship someone 2+ years older than me, but now I'm completely open to it.

I personally think that age is just a number, and that it's relative to maturity. I've met adults with the maturity of 8 year olds, and vice versa.

Age is just a number.Yet I think that it's both advantage and disadvantage in age difference. It may be much more mature yet it may cause problems in communication,

[Cat-and-Austin]

I would always say age is just a number, its the person that matters and whether you are compatible with each other

[miss_jaclynrae]

I am 23, and the mister is 32.
Match made in heaven!



Age is just a number, it is the alignment of each others wants, needs, and overall stage in life that matters.

[Rugger]

As long as both partners are of legal age I don't care. There is something wrong with a relationships where one partner isn't legal ( where there is a large gap not just a couple years). It that case if age is just a number, jail is just a room.