New LDR relationship. Sad,angry and confused. No idea what i did wrong!! Please help

[newguy]

Hi all. I started a long distance relationship about 2 1/2 weeks ago on the other side of the world with a 27 year old. A little back ground on how we met. We got introduce at a night club in town. I didn't ask for her number and I went home and she found me on Facebook and messaged me

So i messaged her back and right away we started chatting like old friends. I asked her out for a date the next night and she agreed. 1st date was good, 2ed date we made out

After the 2ed date, we went out a couple of times like maybe 7 dates and she seems totally in to me but she would not let me kiss her or do more then hug her. When ever i bring up what we did on our second date, she would kind of get shy and shut down.

She would tell me how she was surprised she can open up to me after only knowing me for so short of a time. She told me she only had sex with 3 other guys and they were all over 1 year relationships. I felt like she really liked me

So our last date, right before i was going to come back home, I took her to the hotel i was staying at to watch a movie and we ended up sleeping together. Everything seems great. we cuddled we talked in the morning when i was leaving she seems a little choked up.

When i came back home, the first week and a half, it seems like we were really into each other. There was "i miss you text" and "i wish you were here to give me a hug texts". Last week it seems like that died down and we were chatting more like friends. She said she would come and visit me in October or November, and she would consider moving to my city.

So every day, we usually text each other at night. She has a crazy work schedule with 2 jobs and 5 times a week dance practice. So what we do is she would text me when shes free and when her days is over (basically after her after-work dance rehearsals. ) she would text me and we chat briefly before she says good night and goes to sleep.

So 2 days ago. this conversation happened at around 1am her time

Her: I tried this crepes place that is so good best in the city, i will make you try it next time.
Me: I input this emoticon ---->(emoticon with a smiley face and hearts for eyes)....that sounds so good, i have to try that. practicing now?
Her: Wow, you never use that emoticon with me hahahaha
Her: Food has magic power over u hahahaha, yeah im practicing still
Me: you never noticed that when we were together , every time i looked at you, my eyes were hearts

and then... no reply. first time she did not reply to me after dance practice to say good night. the next day, we didn't text each other in the morning (we both work, so sometimes we just don't text till night time.) so when night time came around, i was waiting for her to text me after dance practice so we could chat and she didn't text me again.

So now 2 days of no text and im wondering why she stopped texting me?

A couple of things i was thinking of doing:

A- text her tomorrow night with " hey is everything ok? are you mad at me?"
B- text her " hey, good luck at your dance competition tomorrow" (kinda act like nothing was wrong)
C- Do nothing and wait for her to text me back (if she does... right now, it doesn't seem like she will)

I haven't been in many relationships and LTR is really hard.... im so confused i have no idea what i did wrong. Please help, thanks.

[squeeker]

Hmm yeah it's hard when someone suddenly stops texting.. it could be simply that she got interrupted by something important/emergency with family or friends and couldn't respond back, or maybe her cell phone plan is really bad and she ran out of money on her plan. Maybe she got freaked out because she thought you were moving too fast.. even if you were just talking about hearts for eyes.. I think if anything, asking "is everything ok" is good because it shows concern.. but maybe don't jump right to "are you mad at me?" unless she keeps it up for longer and you are still confused because it might sound accusatory (though it might just be how I'm reading it right now). And saying good luck on her dance competition would also be a good thing I'm sure because it's nice and polite, nothing wrong there really. You could also wait another day or so to see if she texts you first but sending one after 2 days, just a short text message wondering if she is okay would be okay I'm sure.. at least I personally can't see harm in it... though try to stay calm, because you don't know why she couldn't text you back now.. but you haven't known her that long by the sounds of things so it could be that she might not be so sure you are the person for her.. don't take that harshly but I just had to say it because sometimes that's what happens.

Good luck

[Zapookie]

Well you have only been dating for 2 weeks. She might feel like you are rushing things.

[newguy]

Well you have only been dating for 2 weeks. She might feel like you are rushing things.

Yeah,... maybe you guys are right... Its just that we have already been "intimate" so i don't know how she could think im moving too fast. But it does seem that way. Maybe shes not sure about the long distance thing.. i don't know. Wondering if i should just give up or try to text at least one more time.

[NerdyChick]

That's a tough situation since she's not really communicating. I mean the relationship is still fairly new, and yes you've been intimate, but I mean I wouldn't assume you know where she stands with her level of comfort until you've really talked to her about it. From what you've said about her reaction to your second date and how she backed off from the intimate stuff after, she may have thought she had moved too fast and wanted to slow down again. Sounds like intimacy is something she considers quite personal. Maybe she feels you're in a different place with this relationship than she is. Either way, ask her, I would go for the: "Hey, I know this is still kind of a new thing for both of us, but I'm really starting to care about you, and lately I feel like something may be a bit off? I just wanted to check in with you and ask you if everything is okay? If you are having any concerns about me or us, I want you to know I'm here to listen and not to judge. Just want to keep the lines of communication open."

[newguy]

Yeah... maybe she's afraid of a LDR.... i guess i shouldn't assume she would be cool with it. Just that shes the one that asked me out initially and i assumed she wanted more then just sex cause she held out for so long before finally on the last day we got together. She told me sex was very important and special to her. Shes only been with 3 guys and they were all boy friends so i thought she was saying she wanted a relationship with me after we had sex.

[NerdyChick]

Not saying she doesn't want a relationship with you or that it wasn't meaningful for her
But if you feel like something isn't quite right, better to just open the lines of communication in case she does have any worries. If it is the LDR or if she does have any concerns, she just may not be sure how to bring them up. So maybe create an opportunity for her to safely tell you if anything is on her mind. If she says she's fine and everything is good, trust her. It could just be something else came up, or it could be there's something wrong and she's feeling conflicted. Either way, if you want to know, she's really the only one who can tell you.

[newguy]

Thanks. I guess when im in this situation i tend to think of the worst case stiuations... she doesn't like me any more, she just wants to be friends, shes just using me as back up while shes looking for other guys..etc.

a good friend of mine just got out of a LDR... basically his story is a lot like mine. met a girl on vacation hooked up then he had to go back home. She said right away she didn't want a boy friend, which my girl did not say. this is the only part that was different. The rest of it was pretty similar, they chatted everyday they got personal and when she found a guy locally she liked, they started dating. So when i was asking my friend for advice, he kept on saying what im going though is exactly like what he went though.

But your right, i think opening line of communication is the main thing to do right now. I will text her with "good luck on your competition tomorrow" and see where that goes. I guess i will find out where i stand after that.

Just keep thinking she would think im too clingy or is all over her if i text her back first when she was initially the one that didn't reply to me. I know thats kind of 3ed grade thinking.. but like i said, im not very experience with relationships... sigh....

I guess

[differentcountries]

I can relate a bit because my boyfriend started using big words after a short time. It sort of freaked me out and made me wonder if he was sane. Later I came to cherish it. However, it is deep waters and you should tread carefully.

If she is not answering texts, I will suggest to ONCE call her, in a casual way, saying something like: "Hey, I missed you and I thought maybe you are too busy to reply and I just wanted to hear your voice". That signals you miss her all the while respecting her time/that she has to be ready, too. If she seems hard to reach, just let her be.

[newguy]

When u said big words do u mean he was being overly affectionate with a lot of "I miss u" kind of text?

[newguy]

I texted good luck on your competition tomorrow. Hope u kick some ass"

she replied: thank you gonna try to sleep gotta get up in 5 hrs. Have a nice day

I feel like i should be happy because she could of just replied with "thanks" or not at all. But for some reason...I'm still not that happy

So I guess now I will wait till her competition is over then text her with "how did it go?"

I hate that she's having me second guess all my text and moves now...but I guess that's part of the beginning of a relationship.

[differentcountries]

Yes well that, and telling me after two weeks "I want to grow old with you". But anyway, there is no telling for us on the Forum what is on her mind, just tred carefully. If she plans to visit, you can take it from there but there should be communication now, too. After her competion perhaps she and you can plan to talk a little longer. Wish you the best

[newguy]

Yes well that, and telling me after two weeks "I want to grow old with you". But anyway, there is no telling for us on the Forum what is on her mind, just tred carefully. If she plans to visit, you can take it from there but there should be communication now, too. After her competion perhaps she and you can plan to talk a little longer. Wish you the best

Wow after 2 weeks...that is a bit extream.

so now I guess I will try to keep it friendly for now. Anybody have any ideas on how I can stay out of the "friend zone" with her? If I can't make any flirting comments....not sure how to proceed now.

She didn't reply when I said "my eyes were hearts when I was looking at u"....I didn't even think that comment was that bad considering we all ready slept together and seen each other naked....

This is really the most confusing situation I've ever been in....i think she likes me but she's holding our relationship back from moving forward.

[NerdyChick]

Try not to over think it, take the relationship as it comes.
As for your text, she may have inferred that by saying that you "had hearts in your eyes when you looked at her" you were telling her you loved her. But again, no one can read her mind. If something is wrong or concerning her, she should be mature enough to bring it to your attention. That's just part of communicating your needs. Right now it sounds like she has a lot on her plate with this competition. Your relationship is still pretty new and it also just seems like you are still trying to gauge her reactions to things and her general personality when it comes to how she is in a relationship. Relax, take some deep breaths, I know it's easy to get into this "oh my gosh, I wonder how she took that" or "I shouldn't have said that, she'll think I'm clingy." But honestly, take it one step at a time, don't start changing and editing yourself as a way to try and reel her in or keep her around, be yourself, be open and honest. Give her some time and assume everything is fine until you have concrete proof to state otherwise. If you continue to get the vibe that she's backing away, at some point you will have to just honestly ask her where she stands concerning you and the LDR. It's fine to continue the small talk for now, you may find there was nothing wrong to begin with.

[newguy]

Try not to over think it, take the relationship as it comes.
As for your text, she may have inferred that by saying that you "had hearts in your eyes when you looked at her" you were telling her you loved her. But again, no one can read her mind. If something is wrong or concerning her, she should be mature enough to bring it to your attention. That's just part of communicating your needs. Right now it sounds like she has a lot on her plate with this competition. Your relationship is still pretty new and it also just seems like you are still trying to gauge her reactions to things and her general personality when it comes to how she is in a relationship. Relax, take some deep breaths, I know it's easy to get into this "oh my gosh, I wonder how she took that" or "I shouldn't have said that, she'll think I'm clingy." But honestly, take it one step at a time, don't start changing and editing yourself as a way to try and reel her in or keep her around, be yourself, be open and honest. Give her some time and assume everything is fine until you have concrete proof to state otherwise. If you continue to get the vibe that she's backing away, at some point you will have to just honestly ask her where she stands concerning you and the LDR. It's fine to continue the small talk for now, you may find there was nothing wrong to begin with.

Thanks...that is probably the best and most
logical advice I have recived. Maybe I just needed someone else telling me everything is probably cool for now.

It kind of sucks going backwards but if I have to go from cuddling in bed and saying "I miss u" to each other to just being an intimate friend....I guess I can do that for now.

I really should take a deep breath. I will try to be the same guy that she fell for and not change how I act. I guess I just have to make sure and not make any "romantic" comments until she does it first.