Confused over big choices...

[lucybelle]

Also there is one thing that has been nagging me about this. If he really cared for you and the baby he would have got his shit together (travelled to Nicaragua or what ever it takes) a long time ago.

Not trying to defend this guy, but "getting his shit together" is not that easy. I mean this guy might be illegally in the country, but it's the country he's called home for his entire life. If he went back to Nicaragua to "get his shit together" he'd have to stay for years probably, unable to come back into CR. Life in Nicaragua, for the most part, is much more difficult than life in CR. Add to that the fact that he won't have any family or friends? I don't blame the guy for not going back.

I dont think he could try to keep the baby legally, im afraid of them trying to keep her illegally, or using her as a tool to make us stay once he gets me there with her.

If you think your SO will KIDNAP your child, then this relationship should be over. No other debate needed.

I just want to point this out and only address THIS part of you post (of course these is a HUGE bigger picture but this is the part I feel the most comfortable giving you advice on) US immigration laws SUCK big time. Like, you have no idea how much until you're on the recieving end of it. This does not excuse his behavior at all but sometimes I feel I need to remind US citizens that being outside of the US and not being a citizen/having LOADS of money SUCKS.

I don't really understand what you're trying to say. Is is hard to get into the USA if you don't already have family there? Yes. Is it expensive? Yes. But that doesn't really have much to do with the situation because these two people are evidently in a relationship and could therefore apply for a fiance or spouse visa. So it doesn't really apply.

But I want to reiterate to the OP- if you think the father of your only child will abduct her and hold her against her will in a foreign country, you need to never make contact with this man again.

[Alle1770]

I'm with LB on this one - the fact that you're even worrying the slighest that the father of your child could/is considering/might abduct her is a huge sign of warning. It means that somewhere in the back of your mind, you're worried he might actually go through with it. And that should never, ever happen. You need to think of yourself and your child in this situation, and neither of you would thrive or have a happy life in CR as the situation seems right now.

[.:Sammie:.]

I just want to point this out and only address THIS part of you post (of course these is a HUGE bigger picture but this is the part I feel the most comfortable giving you advice on) US immigration laws SUCK big time. Like, you have no idea how much until you're on the recieving end of it. This does not excuse his behavior at all but sometimes I feel I need to remind US citizens that being outside of the US and not being a citizen/having LOADS of money SUCKS. Of course he always has the option of going back to Nicaragua buuut that takes time. Also, since you two share a child why haven't you guys looked into an immigration attorney to help with his issue of legality? Again I am not trying to say he is right for asking you to drop everything but just letting you know that maybe going there might be the only way he sees 'out' of his current situation for you guys to be together. Of course that doesn't mean it's the 'right' thing to do but yeah... just explaining it.

Whatever you decide to do you both need to remember there is a child involved who should be the number one priority. Sit down and talk to him about his immigration fears and take it from there.

Good luck!

Yes i know that they suck.. I have seen it i have family that is actually very knowledgeable about it. But what frustrates me is that he could go to nicaragua to fix it, and even if he wants to fix it in costa rica, fine but he is lazy about it. He is illegal in costa rica and does the minimum to get his papers. If i need something i call at least 2 times a week to get what i need, i have dealt with government before and you have to be on top of things. But him, he will take a month or two before he even tries to do anything, and usually i have to remind him..So i feel that obviously im not important enough to him but yet he wants me to move for him. And im confused because I love him but it hurts me. We have talked many times and all it ends up is in a fight where he says, what you think im not doing anything? nothing is never good enough for u, and hangs up on me.

[.:Sammie:.]

Not trying to defend this guy, but "getting his shit together" is not that easy. I mean this guy might be illegally in the country, but it's the country he's called home for his entire life. If he went back to Nicaragua to "get his shit together" he'd have to stay for years probably, unable to come back into CR. Life in Nicaragua, for the most part, is much more difficult than life in CR. Add to that the fact that he won't have any family or friends? I don't blame the guy for not going back.



If you think your SO will KIDNAP your child, then this relationship should be over. No other debate needed.



I don't really understand what you're trying to say. Is is hard to get into the USA if you don't already have family there? Yes. Is it expensive? Yes. But that doesn't really have much to do with the situation because these two people are evidently in a relationship and could therefore apply for a fiance or spouse visa. So it doesn't really apply.

But I want to reiterate to the OP- if you think the father of your only child will abduct her and hold her against her will in a foreign country, you need to never make contact with this man again.

I never thought that originally, but then my parents and family keep telling me that if i take her there it is possible that she will not be coming back with me. Now im worried cuz i know how hard he has tried to make me go there, i dont want to think that of him, but i cant lie that it does scare me.

[.:Sammie:.]

I'm with LB on this one - the fact that you're even worrying the slighest that the father of your child could/is considering/might abduct her is a huge sign of warning. It means that somewhere in the back of your mind, you're worried he might actually go through with it. And that should never, ever happen. You need to think of yourself and your child in this situation, and neither of you would thrive or have a happy life in CR as the situation seems right now.

that is the hard part, thinking of my daughter. obviously, it would be wonderful for her to be with her daddy and if we could make it work as a family. but yet on the other side of it, i know that she will have a better quality of life here, and if he isnt really trying to get here, then how do i know how important we are to him. That is why i am so confused. I want us together as a family, but i want us to also be happy, He just wants us together no matter what.

[velkoria]

I don't really understand what you're trying to say. Is is hard to get into the USA if you don't already have family there? Yes. Is it expensive? Yes. But that doesn't really have much to do with the situation because these two people are evidently in a relationship and could therefore apply for a fiance or spouse visa. So it doesn't really apply.

But I want to reiterate to the OP- if you think the father of your only child will abduct her and hold her against her will in a foreign country, you need to never make contact with this man again.

I didn't bring up the fiancee visa because since they don't seem to be married or engaged from her post even though they have a 1 year old just didn't seem like something I should be bringing up. I hadn't seen the 'kidnapping of the child' bit... that is crazy and should never even enter your mind! If he is this dangerous then you need to call the police on him. If he wants to see his kid then he should get his shit together though you must be prepared for his visa to get denied. What then? Would you move to Nicaragua with him? Because (if he is emotionally stable) he will want to see his daughter and from the looks of it you entered this relationship KNOWING he was an ilegal. Not syaing this si your fault or that he should be even remotely considering kidnapping your child. No. If this is a possibility in any realm of existance? You need to have the police called asap.

[.:Sammie:.]

I didn't bring up the fiancee visa because since they don't seem to be married or engaged from her post even though they have a 1 year old just didn't seem like something I should be bringing up. I hadn't seen the 'kidnapping of the child' bit... that is crazy and should never even enter your mind! If he is this dangerous then you need to call the police on him. If he wants to see his kid then he should get his shit together though you must be prepared for his visa to get denied. What then? Would you move to Nicaragua with him? Because (if he is emotionally stable) he will want to see his daughter and from the looks of it you entered this relationship KNOWING he was an ilegal. Not syaing this si your fault or that he should be even remotely considering kidnapping your child. No. If this is a possibility in any realm of existance? You need to have the police called asap.

we know about the fiance visa and that was actually our plan..however it doesnt seem like he is working towards that. In order for that he must take care of his legality in Cost Rica first. And also, the only reason i worry about them keeping my daughter is because my family has implanted that in to my mind and now i cant get it out. He has not done anything that as of right now I see to be a threat to that, but with that implanted in my mind by my family, it does cause me to worry. I entered in to this relationship knowing that he was always planning to come here as he told me, however, I dont see him trying that is the problem. He wants me to fix it by me giving up everything and moving there. That is where i am torn because while being here is nice and wonderful, part of me is missing so far away...but i know i would be giving up EVERYTHING possibly forever

[Ahava]

You would most likely end up regretting it in the long run if you went and gave up everything for him.
And you would end up resenting him for making you do that.
Also it doesn't sound like he is very good with conflict/issues.
So I think after the honeymoon phase has worn of it would be really hard for you, and you would feel stuck there.
Also your daughter would miss out on her family in the US. Because I doubt you could make the money to travel to see them.
And it sounds that your family wouldn't be too keen on helping out if you go.

[Hollandia]

Not trying to defend this guy, but "getting his shit together" is not that easy. I mean this guy might be illegally in the country, but it's the country he's called home for his entire life. If he went back to Nicaragua to "get his shit together" he'd have to stay for years probably, unable to come back into CR. Life in Nicaragua, for the most part, is much more difficult than life in CR. Add to that the fact that he won't have any family or friends? I don't blame the guy for not going back.



If you think your SO will KIDNAP your child, then this relationship should be over. No other debate needed.



I don't really understand what you're trying to say. Is is hard to get into the USA if you don't already have family there? Yes. Is it expensive? Yes. But that doesn't really have much to do with the situation because these two people are evidently in a relationship and could therefore apply for a fiance or spouse visa. So it doesn't really apply.

But I want to reiterate to the OP- if you think the father of your only child will abduct her and hold her against her will in a foreign country, you need to never make contact with this man again.

+1

Your child should be first priority. There is no way in the world if you even think in the slightest bit that they would be in harm should you even consider taking them there. EVER!

[velkoria]

we know about the fiance visa and that was actually our plan..however it doesnt seem like he is working towards that. In order for that he must take care of his legality in Cost Rica first. And also, the only reason i worry about them keeping my daughter is because my family has implanted that in to my mind and now i cant get it out. He has not done anything that as of right now I see to be a threat to that, but with that implanted in my mind by my family, it does cause me to worry. I entered in to this relationship knowing that he was always planning to come here as he told me, however, I dont see him trying that is the problem. He wants me to fix it by me giving up everything and moving there. That is where i am torn because while being here is nice and wonderful, part of me is missing so far away...but i know i would be giving up EVERYTHING possibly forever

I'm glad to know HE hasn't done anything that would be a cause for concern. Your family ahould never EVER cause this kind of stress upon you and, in my mind, need to be cut off from this entire thing. I understand that you're goign to school but it might be time you move away from them. This is the father of your child who, from what you say, other than his legality issues seems to be a pretty okay person. BUT you shouldn't drop everything and go somewhere where you're BOTH ilegals. Have a GOOD talk with him about that and make it CLEAR you will not be moving to Costa Rica and that he needs to take the necessary steps to become legalized or move back to Nicaragua so you can both be together with your child.

Again I am disgusted your family would put this stress on you... I don't know the entire situation but they seem to really not like your SO... sadly for them he is in your life forever now and they need to start accepting this or else even when he does finally become legal they're going to have a hell of a time all getting along.

[.:Sammie:.]

Thank you all for your advice. I will not be moving down there, however, i feel because of that, our relationship isnt going to last much longer.