Long distance and age. A baby?

[differentcountries]

Not to un-crush the warnings, but there are lots of ways to do these things. I am typically the over-planning type but the go with the flow approach can work, too. My SO's best friend in his country is engaged to a woman living in my city, she is due to give birth to their baby in mid September and he will come for the birth and the following 3 months. They have done the 3 month visa visit twice before but there is no future planning. They might apply for fiance visa next year and in time get married, they might not. She has a job, bought a bigger flat to accomodate for the baby and Norway has good benifits for single mothers, she will get birth money (for baby equipment) as well as rights to 8 month fully payed (or 12 months 80% payed) maternity leave that she can use to visit her boyfriend with the baby if she wants. I am not sure what exactly the Finnish rules are, but the Nordic countries tend to be pretty similar in these matters.

She is not having a baby to circumvent the law, she wants to have one soon because she is past her peek of giving birth. Yes, a baby will only "help" closing the distance after it is born, it has no legal status as a fetus. What you might want to do, is have the father there for the actual birth, then he can sign up as being the father which may be useful as documentation later on.

[Zephii]

It's great that he wants to have a baby with you, and that you get to realise your dream of having another baby. I know how I'd feel if I wasn't allowed to complete my family, so I feel you on this.

At the same time nothing even remotely tells me that it's a good idea to have a baby with a man who has not left his previous relationship. Either go into this with a solid plan and the will to raise it alone, or wait until you are his only woman. Trusting that his word is good is beautiful and romantic, but also stupid. Don't make a new human because you want a new human with him - If you're going to have a child that you could very well end up raising alone, make sure you're doing it for you. If you could impregnate yourself, if you'd never met this man, and you had the (miraculous) opportunity to have another baby, would you do it? Or is the main draw doing it with him? Because if it's the later, take the risk that your age will prove problematic later and wait. Wait until he shows you some kind of real solid commitment.

As visa things always tend to take longer than one expects, there's also the risk that if you do have a long distance pregnancy, he will miss out on those first very important months of his child's life. Better to make sure that he will actually be there.

Just my 2c

[farandaway]

He is away right now and we have only had short conversations and not touched the subject. But as soon as he's back we will decide on the dates for me to visit him. And we will definately talk seriously about the baby subject. I can do without a baby and I have not started any rosy dreams on this one yet. For me it's the ultimate romantic thing to have a baby with the man I love. And it is the same for him. He dearly wants to have a biological child but if it's not possible he is happy as long as we can be together. I like to plan ahead but I also trust that everything will work out. We have several choices but of course his divorce has to be final first. I admit it's not a good idea to plan a family with someone who is still married but he is only married on paper and never under the same roof with her again. I am in love but I'm not blind. There is no mistake about his commitment. I know him and I trust him. We have looked at Migri site (as Ahava mentions). There is a possiblity to bring him here under family ties or better yet if he can find business contacts in Finland we can try a visa for self employed person. It has nothing to do with his marital status and he could apply while his divorce is clearing.
https://www.migri.fi/working_in_finl...he_application
And we have not completely decided against living in the US together either. I could probably move there without marriage since my kids are US citizens. This in not my first choice though. I would prefer to stay in my country.

Although I was really excited about the baby news I have 43years behind me and I'm not going to rush into anything without talking it over every possible way first. I will be with him for two weeks in October and I can't think of a better time to discuss all of this and find the right solutions.