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**Nymeria** · November 28, 2014, 04:55 AM

Money matters are always difficult.
In my experience, people in other countries sometimes think just because you are from Europe, you are rich.
With my Costa Rican Family I had to explain to them that yes, I do earn a seemingly high sum, but where as their fruits cost 20 Cents a Piece, mine cost 2 Dollars. where as their t-shirt costs 2 to 3 Dollars, mine costs 15 to twenty, and so on. In the end, they understood that earning a seemilngly high sum doesn't mean the sum actually IS high or that I don't have the exact same worries about money as they have. They said that that is what they think "people in europe have a lot of Money to spend" and that only now they see that ist not like that. The same thing happened to me in Asia and Africa.
I'm not saying that is necessarily the case with your SO, it's just what popped into my mind when I read your post.
Maybe, if he does talk to you again, ask him how he sees Europe/you on the Moneyside and try to explain.

Do you know the amount he needed?
You did not offend anyone, you just can't help with Money cause you also don't have it spare under your matress. That is absolutely okay - your relationship also seems very fresh, so I think it's only normal if you wouldn't send Money even if you had it.

I do hope for you that you hear from him again, if that is what you want, or, that you can leave it behind and find your happiness elsewhere.

**Dziubka** · November 28, 2014, 04:57 AM

You haven't even been together for half a year and he's just like that expecting you to send him money?

**Lisa88** · November 28, 2014, 05:17 AM

It think he thinks I am rich because I have two jobs or something like that. Which I'm not because everything costs a lot more over here that's the reason I also got a second job. I tried to explain but he's not listening. He's so focused on the fact that I offended him en his parents because I asked if he thought I was rich and if this relationship is based on that. I hope I can explain to him but at the moment he's furious. I am the most horrible person in the world in his eyes. Which is unreasonable so I'm gonna let this cool down for a couple of days.

This is a really weird situation because it's the first time he asks. He wanted to come over to Belgium and pay for his planeticket by himself. I said I would pay for his application so he could save for his ticket because that's about $1000. He said he couldn't accept it. How confusing can things get?!

**TwoThree** · November 28, 2014, 05:49 AM

If I understood your first post correctly, he got upset and offended, not at your comment (which was hurtful, I agree) but at the fact that you refused him money? He says you OFFENDED his parents by refusing to help them finish THEIR house?

Even if you were rich, by what right would he expect you to help him out whenever? My SO is way richer than I am and I would never dream of asking him for money to help my parents out.

I think he initially refused your financial help probably to lure you into a false sense of safety. And now that he thinks you're hooked, he starts making demands like that. Even if he isn't a scammer, the fact that he believes his parents are entitled to your money speaks of huge cultural differences that you simply shouldn't have to put up with. I wouldn't bother trying to salvage things, since he already broke up with you. Eventually the irrational guilt will fade. Good luck.

**whatruckus** · November 28, 2014, 05:54 AM

Originally posted by TwoThree View Post

If I understood your first post correctly, he got upset and offended, not at your comment (which was hurtful, I agree) but at the fact that you refused him money? He says you OFFENDED his parents by refusing to help them finish THEIR house?

Even if you were rich, by what right would he expect you to help him out whenever? My SO is way richer than I am and I would never dream of asking him for money to help my parents out.

I think he initially refused your financial help probably to lure you into a false sense of safety. And now that he thinks you're hooked, he starts making demands like that. Even if he isn't a scammer, the fact that he believes his parents are entitled to your money speaks of huge cultural differences that you simply shouldn't have to put up with. I wouldn't bother trying to salvage things, since he already broke up with you. Eventually the irrational guilt will fade. Good luck.

Completely agree. My ex used me a lot for my dad's money, we never saw any of it back.

**douglas2275** · November 28, 2014, 06:02 AM

idk... Either there is some major miscommunication and misinterpretation or a hint of manipulation. Most people working two jobs are not rich, they do that because they are in need of every dime they can get. It shocks me to hear he is asking for money for house projects. That just does not make sense. I would never ask for money from my SO... there could be exceptions in times of emergency but that whole thing sounds a little off. Have you guys talked about sharing money before? Or talked about you moving in with him? Just don't give him money out of guilt, try and figure out what is going on here first.

**Miasmata** · November 28, 2014, 06:40 AM

If he breaks up with you over this, there must be more underlying issues for him than he let on. This is definitely not your fault. Refusing money for his parents shouldn't be a dealbreaker, especially after only being together for this short amount of time and without ever agreeing to sharing finances before. You could have supported him by offering advice and a strong shoulder, but if it's money or bust, that's at least concerning.

**Petals** · November 28, 2014, 08:46 AM

Do not get into the habit of sending him money! Let him find a way and resolve his issues. Finishing his mom's house before Christmas is not an emergency. I think this is a red flag.

I know the games many of them play especially when they work or live in the tourist region! Usually they have several women overseas who send them money... be very careful.

On the matter of culture, NO respectable Jamaican man asks a woman for money! They can't even tolerate a woman earning more than they do. His initial reluctance to accept your financial help is in line with the cultural norms. This sudden turn of events has scam written all over it.

Oh and he probably will contact you again and pretend like all is well. Leave him be....he will get in touch. He's just upset at the moment that his plan didn't work.

**Petals** · November 28, 2014, 08:47 AM

Originally posted by Miasmata View Post

If he breaks up with you over this, there must be more underlying issues for him than he let on. This is definitely not your fault. Refusing money for his parents shouldn't be a dealbreaker, especially after only being together for this short amount of time and without ever agreeing to sharing finances before. You could have supported him by offering advice and a strong shoulder, but if it's money or bust, that's at least concerning.

I agree!

**whatruckus** · November 28, 2014, 09:18 AM

I agree with everyone else. It's really, really odd that he would get so upset about this. It's your money. You can do whatever you want with it, it's not his. You have no obligation to give him a dime.

**differentcountries** · November 28, 2014, 09:56 AM

You are not his wife. You have not promised to take care of him financially, and also by extention not his family. That he doesn't know, or care, about your real financial situation is also a red flag. If he knew for a fact you were filthy rich it would be more understandable (still rude though).

I make lots more than SO. I have been paying far more than him for our flat, food, activities etc. not because he asked me to, but because that is the one real option we have for spending time together. In time, I might also consider paying for materials for his family's house (it needs upgrading), which is also his house. But he or the family would never in a million years ask me for money! We have struggled over money, not because he wants it but because he is a Turkish, prideful man and he wants to have his dignity in a situation where I half support him. He once commented that there is nothing wrong with our situation since we are in love. So you see, my man doesn't want to be taken as a gigolo, while yours is upset he is not already provided for... There is a difference between slowly fusing economies and making demands after a couple of months.

**Lisa88** · November 28, 2014, 09:58 AM

Thanks people. This is a real eyeopener for me! I just wasted 4 months on someone with bad intentions.
In the beginning everything went so well. I think I was being naive.

**Lisa88** · November 28, 2014, 10:03 AM

I also make more money than he does. I know that. And if he would be short to buy a ticket to come over I would help him buy it, no problem. But this is something different. He's making up the excuse that I'm disrespectful towards him and his family to break up.
Like Petals said, he's just angry because his plan didn't work. Somewhere I hope I'm wrong about this.
Curious if he will get in touch again.

**Miasmata** · November 28, 2014, 10:10 AM

If you do get in contact with him again, stand your ground and tell him that this doesn't fly. I can't say if he's an outright scammer or just misguided, but either way, asking for money like this and throwing a fit when you say no is a red flag. Be cautious!

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