Language Barrier with Family

[rufuz]

My SO and I are going to meet for the first time in february. First he will meet me, my aunt and my mum in one part of Mexico and afterwards I will fly to his town to meet his family which is basically just his mum and grandma I guess. My SO doesn't speak german, just some basics I taught him but that's not helpful at all. My mum and aunt don't speak spanish and their english isn't that good either. At least he will also have my godfather and his wife there who will be able to talk to him in spanish, but I already know that it will be weird for him to not be able to talk to my mum normally.

When it comes to me visiting his family I am really nervous about it. My SO and I only text in spanish. My written spanish is pretty good but talking is still really hard for me and understanding the mexicans is even more complicated sometimes. But I don't even think a bit that his mum couldn't like me for not speaking her language perfectly. Actually she already told my SO that she can't wait to see me together with him and that she rather wants him to be with me than with a mexican girl. Luckily a girl who only speaks spanish started to work in the company I work in, so I already had the opportunity to try to talk to her and see if she understands me. She says that I speak spanish very well and that I don't have to worry. So when it comes to this language barrier I am nervous that there will be akward situations when I don't understand everything but I also know that I will understand most parts of the conversations. And I guess they really appreciate that I am trying to only speak in their language even if it isn't perfect.

[The_gentle_Hart]

When it comes to me visiting his family I am really nervous about it. My SO and I only text in spanish. My written spanish is pretty good but talking is still really hard for me ....

I totally feel this. Conversational Spanish is super hard...I have a hard time keeping up with the speed of conversations, but when I see written words things are a lot easier.

[Alsfia]

My family speaks basically only Swedish, but different Fennoswedish dialects (luckily not very different but still). The majority understands and speaks at least some English, my older relatives on my dad's side don't really though, since they never learned English in school and have only ever taken English classes as adults but never had to use it before my SO came along (maternal side of the family is more international and my grandparents there used to host exchange students from Australia and New Zealand). We spent around 6 months living in Finland last year (as some of you know) and while my SO was unemployed he picked up his Rosetta Stone course in Swedish. Being in a more or less completely Swedish speaking area really helped him as well, and when he got a short term employment he spoke only Swedish with his co-workers (apart from some people speaking only Finnish), and he can now hold a conversation in Swedish and understands most of my dialect. He learns languages rather easy though...

Anyway he feels a lot less excluded now around my family and friends since even when we speak Swedish (my mum speaks only Swedish with him now even though she by far has the best English of all to help him learn, though she speaks a standard "high" Swedish with him) since he can follow the conversation and take part, even if his part is in English at times. His biggest problem with learning Swedish actually proved to be that while he didn't have a big vocabulary in the language and a strong accent (getting a lot less noticeable), people would speak English to him to practice their language skills and so not give him a chance to practice his

ETA: If you don't want to invest in Rosetta Stone right away but start your language learning a bit sooner, I think livemocha.com actually merged with Rosetta Stone but keeping it free. It's a lot less structured from what I've seen but it gives you an idea and you can always use it to build up a basic vocabulary.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Thanks to all of the responses! You guys are awesome! That's what I love about this community: everyone has a story to share and they actually understand what you're feeling (which is rare given our situations). I think it will get easier the more Dutch I learn. The fact that I'm learning Dutch at all (or even in the Netherlands for that matter!) probably makes a good impression too, as some of you have said. His family really is amazing, and I feel so blessed that they will probably be my family one day as well.

[JaneEmily]

In his part of Holland, near Rotterdam, they say Doei for Goodbye, it is pronounced "DO-EE" and rhymes with Huey. His parents, his friends, supermarket cashiers and waiters, everyone I hear is Doei and sometimes Doei-Doei, I think it is just "bye" or "bye-bye".

Yeah, in Noord-Brabant they use something similar too. I think it's "Houdoe" meaning take care or something xD

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Hello all! Just wanted to post an update since you took the time to respond to my question. I think I have officially been accepted into his family! His mother called me her "future daughter-in-law" which made me very very happy! It's that reassurance I needed that they do like and accept me, especially since I adore his family! I am also gradually learning Dutch! Thank you to all of your suggestions of sites and such! Doei is one of the recent ones I've learned as well! I think that it's pretty common across all of the NL, as I have heard it on the west coast as well as throughout the mid-country. Slowly, but surely, I'm making progress!

[TaraMarie]

Sometimes I wonder, when my SO uses American English, that he's speaking an entirely different language. He must think the same of me at times, with my "Queen's English," as he joked once! (No offence to anyone).

Anyways...

The best thing I can think of would be Rosetta Stone. It's a self-learning program, that covers most, if not all, most common languages in the world. I'd have a google of it, as well as other things along those lines.

I live near your SO, and I think people here are speaking a different language sometimes! Such a difference between the north and the south in the states!

[Honour]

I live near your SO, and I think people here are speaking a different language sometimes! Such a difference between the north and the south in the states!

Say hi to him for me! XD

But seriously, he's said something similar. He once went on a tirade commenting on the differences, and putting on different accents. Needless to say, it took me quite awhile to recover because it was just so funny.

[Honour]

Hello all! Just wanted to post an update since you took the time to respond to my question. I think I have officially been accepted into his family! His mother called me her "future daughter-in-law" which made me very very happy! It's that reassurance I needed that they do like and accept me, especially since I adore his family! I am also gradually learning Dutch! Thank you to all of your suggestions of sites and such! Doei is one of the recent ones I've learned as well! I think that it's pretty common across all of the NL, as I have heard it on the west coast as well as throughout the mid-country. Slowly, but surely, I'm making progress!

That's great news! Happy for you! Keep up the good work is all I can say.

[Miasmata]

It really is all about the genuine effort and interest you show in each other. It helps that I'm really fluent in English, so there was no language barrier around my SO's family, but he's still very much a beginner when it comes to German so his visits here had some rocky bits in them. The way you deal with those is what makes all the difference, as others have said before. For example, my mom and my friends do their best to speak English around my SO to make him feel included and welcome. He appreciates it, but also wants to learn German, so he encourages us to speak German with each other too. He's happy that people adjust to him, and he's just as happy to return the effort and try to adjust to his surroundings too. My grandparents were totally charmed whenever he tried to use a German phrase or word. It shows that he cares, and that means so much!

[pascdunstan]

Hey Rufuz, can you check your inbox! thanks

[MyHindiHeart]

They will appreciate it if you start learning. Even a little is better than nothing. It really is part of making it successful. Both sides will have to meet in the middle, but it will have to start with you. ♥ Good Luck!

[MyHindiHeart]

Ahh, I just saw your update. ♥ I'm glad to hear that she has accepted you!

[katie.lvd34]

Oh man are we on the same page!
When I was in the Netherlands last summer I felt so alone and out of place, which was a sad way to feel because I was supposed to be happy and enjoying as much time with my SO as possible! His entire family spoke Dutch, and I knew a few words, main words "Please", "Thank you", how to tell people my name, and things like that. They spoke a little bit of English, his Dad not so much, his brother plenty, and worse of all, his sister knew some English but refused to use it because she thought I should learn Dutch. It caused a lot of tension between us which is very sad for me because I know that I would have liked her other than that! I spent a good deal of my time there with my nose buried in Dutch books, reading their newspaper and picking up different phrases and things like that. Ask your SO to help you learn! My SO is a teacher by profession and by nature so he enjoys making up flash cards and tests for me. So, I'm learning Dutch now. I don't ever want to feel that lost again. I hope that you realize how special you are and how loved you are by your SO! Their opinion is all that matters.

Also, if you want to move to the Netherlands permanently, you'll need to learn Dutch anyhow! That is partly why I'm doing it, because I plan on spending a lot lot lot of time there.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

katie.lvd34-- that is really shitty of his sister! Based off of what I know of the Dutch is that they can come across extremely rude when they mean well, so I wonder if that's the case? She wanted to help you learn Dutch and thought that was the way to do it? Either way, that is terrible! I can only imagine how much more alone it made you feel. As the days go by, it's getting easier, but I HATE my Dutch class because of the way they're teaching it. I feel so incredibly lost. I know I need to learn it though just to be able to better communicate with his family, and they get so excited when I learn a new phrase! I don't have intentions of permanently moving here due to that very reason...becoming fluent is very different than understanding some...