If anyone ever needs advice about Indian, Desi, or Intercultural Relationships...

[Lea-le-Lea]

Wow, this was perhaps the rudest thing I've read today and put such a damper on my mood. I too believed that this forum was a place for people to feel welcome. This is the first and only negative thing I have read since I've been here, and it's really sad. What's wrong with someone saying that they are here to help people? Or saying how they feel about their relationship, and that it's successful?

She obviously wasn't aiming this post at those who have been in a relationship for years and years, she was aiming it at someone who might just be getting into a relationship with someone whose culture they know nothing about.

[Miasmata]

I agree that the OP didn't have ill intentions. You can still step on people's toes without meaning to, though. I don't doubt that the OP has knowledge and support to give, but when you make a thread that comes off as declaring yourself as an expert on intercultural relationships on a forum full of those, you come off as painting everyone with the same brush and saying you know best about all of them. This stuff happens without people intending to. It's best to learn from it and move on. OP, you can really be a big help, of that I'm sure, but it's best to reach out to people directly in threads they make. That way, you can help without accidentally invalidating everyone else's experience.

[snow_girl]

These things wouldn't even be an issue if everyone's panties were knot proof. This is a forum just like any other. If you come here and it ruins your mood, then that's pretty sad that something so minuscule in your day has that affect on you. Can't take some criticism? Then live in a shoebox. I get really fed up when people get up on their high horse and are so stunned that anyone would dare say something contradictory on this forum. It's the internet! We get our fair share of spam and trolls just like anywhere else so the fact that it blows peoples minds when people say things they don't like blows my mind even more.

[p_b82]

I wasn't going to comment, and don't want to take the thread too OT, but as constructive criticism, I too felt that the way you worded the first post OP was very patronising.

You sound like you have a strong opinion on things and large personal drive, and that style may well work on your blog(s) I am not sure it is quite the right 'tone' for a forum such as this....

I don't know whether it is your background that caused you to be so 'proud' of your adjusting to a new culture, but for me personally I take it as a given that every-one I meet is different. I've lived with an Indian Muslim for 3 years while at uni, I work in different cities across europe, seeing a whole different way of doing things and a way of life everywhere I go, including when I travel to the US, as that is very very different to the UK too.

Either way glad you have managed to make a success of things yourself, and hopefully long may it continue!

[Xanahtas]

The reason i disliked this thread so much was because people have so many different experiences with different cultures and you cant even begin to be able to know everything about the experiences people have.

My husband's parents are Indian, i've had an awful time with them and their culture/views etc despite my best efforts. I doubt you could even begin to give me good advice on this because you seem to have had a relatively easy time with the culture and have been accepted by his family whereas i've had such a difficult experience with it - and them. To me, you came off as fairly 'i'm dating an indian so i know everything'. That bugged me. You could do all the research in the world and have a few months of living with the culture and still not know half as much as you need to.

I wasnt going to post until you replied again. Saying that 'The fact you are mocking this, confirms you have never had to deal with anything like i have had to deal with'. Thats wong because I mocked this (while i didnt post) and i have had to deal with something like this. While my husband doesnt have the indian culture and views, i lived with his parents and had to get used to the differences in culture and had to learn things to be able to try and get to know them throughout our 4.5 year relationship. Many many members of this forum are in interracial/international relationships so you probably offended people because you sounded like a know-it-all. People on here have had lots of years of experience behind them in this area but dont go around posting threads like this.

Also, i feel that you need a couple years in an intercultural relationship to really grasp it and get a good all around knowledge of it as its a constant learning process and you will probably face issues in the future that you have yet to get to. Of course, thats just my opinion from personal experiences.

The thing you have to understand about this forum is that people are blunt (but fair) with their answers. There are very few rude people on here and i dont think any of them posted on your thread. If you post on a forum you have to expect people to say things you dont like.

I get that you only wanted to help people, and i have no doubt that you have good knowledge and experience and im sure you had good intentions but you should probably wait until someone posts a thread to help as it does come off as patronising. Though, i wish you all the best

(hope this made sense, its late and im tired haha)

[MyHindiHeart]

Well I'm back, after so long.
I thought I might add that the very reason I started this thread, was because when I was falling for my SO pretty hard I did a LOT of searching online. I looked for anyone who might have an answer. This forum and others. I needed help understanding culture. I never meant to sound proud. I just wanted to help others the way I too, sought help.
When I came to India, I was actually blown away at how little I knew, despite having researched a lot. There's just so much the internet can never teach you, and no one can really prepare you for. So I guess, in the end, no piece of advice I could offer to someone could teach them all about their SO's culture.

I digress, though.

[honeybunny]

My mum knew nothing about my dad's country when they got together, in fact she had never heard of it. But this was the 80s and no internet back then. I'm mixed race and dating someone from one of my cultures, so I feel in that way I'm completely comfortable with it. And he finds me interesting because I have another culture in my life.