Hello, this is my first post here so I'll try my best not to go on a rant and keep this structured but this is all emotions right now...this may end up being long too.
So I've been in a LDR for over a year now and at the start we were both very happy. I live in England and she lives in California so there is an 8 hour time difference with me being ahead. We met in "Second Life" and started out as best friends. She was in a relationship at the time as was I, yet both ended around the same time and we ended up helping one another through it, then we realized how we felt about one another and have been together since. Anyway, she is haunted by her past a lot (Her father abused her when she was young) and because of it she was only interested in women but she seems to have made an exception for me. There is a deep connection between us and a number of private but emotional events that happened in our past which I don't feel too comfortable sharing in public right now, but trust me there is a bond and it is strong.
Anyway like I said, things started out great as we both expressed how we felt about each other. Hell even before we were an item she would text me every day to see if I was ok, this of course continued into the relationship. We spoke about anything and everything, laughed, cried and just were generally emotional a lot. We played video games together, skyped every day and loved each others voices. This lasted for a couple of months and then things started getting weird. She started telling me about nightmares she had been having (and is still having) which basically involved me doing to her what her father did in the past. Now she doesn't blame me at all and says that it's all in her head and something she's dealt with for years (not with my face obviously but similar things) and told me not to worry. However her behavior lately has me really worried, she seems to be very quiet when we Skype call and it's a 50/50 chance on if she'll be in a mood or not. Between Skype calls we usually text one another but she is starting to take a number of hours to get back to me, if she even does.
At the start of last month she was in and out of hospital with meningitis for two weeks, I was not informed initially. I kept sending her texts every couple of hours until eventually her friend picked up her phone and texted me back explaining some of what had happened. So for the next two weeks I was basically liaising with her friend finding out what was going on. This was the longest two weeks of my life because I couldn't be there for her and I sometimes had to go a day or two without any news. A few days into the second week her friend told me that she was getting better and was resting at home, she was sleeping almost all the time but woke up long enough to take her meds, get something to drink and ear then go back to bed. I never got any messages from her via the friend even though I passed a long a number of my own, telling her that I love her and hope she gets better soon, and part of me was frustrated that she couldn't spare two minutes to text me herself when she was awake...but I guess that's understandable why she didn't with all things considered.
I've attempted to talk with her about how she has been distant these past few months, but the majority of the time I get her past thrown back in my face as an excuse and she tells me not to make it about me. I go out of my way to respect her space, always finish our conversations with saying that I love her and meaning it each and every time. I've even spontaneously done romantic things for her such as sending her a personalized "I love you" card in the mail along with a cute little soft bear to keep her company. But it just seems like I'm the only person actually putting any effort into the relationship right now, the only time she usually talks to me is if I send her a message first and sometimes the reply could take hours. She doesn't work although she is looking for work, she does do chores around the house as well as go out for groceries of course...but that's about it. For example, these past couple of days she's been content with letting the friend she lives with use the computer to play GTA V whilst her, her sister and said friend get drunk off their ass which of course means I don't get to spend any time with her.
Friends of mine have told me that this could simply be the whole "honeymoon" effect being lost, others have said that perhaps she's struggling to decide how she feels about me now. All I know is that she tells me everything is ok that "we are ok" but her actions suggest otherwise. Am I being too high maintenance here? Should I ease up and let her figure this out on her own? I just feel like I'm totally lost here, being pulled in so many directions and the only thing I know for certain is that I love her.
So I've been in a LDR for over a year now and at the start we were both very happy. I live in England and she lives in California so there is an 8 hour time difference with me being ahead. We met in "Second Life" and started out as best friends. She was in a relationship at the time as was I, yet both ended around the same time and we ended up helping one another through it, then we realized how we felt about one another and have been together since. Anyway, she is haunted by her past a lot (Her father abused her when she was young) and because of it she was only interested in women but she seems to have made an exception for me. There is a deep connection between us and a number of private but emotional events that happened in our past which I don't feel too comfortable sharing in public right now, but trust me there is a bond and it is strong.
Anyway like I said, things started out great as we both expressed how we felt about each other. Hell even before we were an item she would text me every day to see if I was ok, this of course continued into the relationship. We spoke about anything and everything, laughed, cried and just were generally emotional a lot. We played video games together, skyped every day and loved each others voices. This lasted for a couple of months and then things started getting weird. She started telling me about nightmares she had been having (and is still having) which basically involved me doing to her what her father did in the past. Now she doesn't blame me at all and says that it's all in her head and something she's dealt with for years (not with my face obviously but similar things) and told me not to worry. However her behavior lately has me really worried, she seems to be very quiet when we Skype call and it's a 50/50 chance on if she'll be in a mood or not. Between Skype calls we usually text one another but she is starting to take a number of hours to get back to me, if she even does.
At the start of last month she was in and out of hospital with meningitis for two weeks, I was not informed initially. I kept sending her texts every couple of hours until eventually her friend picked up her phone and texted me back explaining some of what had happened. So for the next two weeks I was basically liaising with her friend finding out what was going on. This was the longest two weeks of my life because I couldn't be there for her and I sometimes had to go a day or two without any news. A few days into the second week her friend told me that she was getting better and was resting at home, she was sleeping almost all the time but woke up long enough to take her meds, get something to drink and ear then go back to bed. I never got any messages from her via the friend even though I passed a long a number of my own, telling her that I love her and hope she gets better soon, and part of me was frustrated that she couldn't spare two minutes to text me herself when she was awake...but I guess that's understandable why she didn't with all things considered.
I've attempted to talk with her about how she has been distant these past few months, but the majority of the time I get her past thrown back in my face as an excuse and she tells me not to make it about me. I go out of my way to respect her space, always finish our conversations with saying that I love her and meaning it each and every time. I've even spontaneously done romantic things for her such as sending her a personalized "I love you" card in the mail along with a cute little soft bear to keep her company. But it just seems like I'm the only person actually putting any effort into the relationship right now, the only time she usually talks to me is if I send her a message first and sometimes the reply could take hours. She doesn't work although she is looking for work, she does do chores around the house as well as go out for groceries of course...but that's about it. For example, these past couple of days she's been content with letting the friend she lives with use the computer to play GTA V whilst her, her sister and said friend get drunk off their ass which of course means I don't get to spend any time with her.
Friends of mine have told me that this could simply be the whole "honeymoon" effect being lost, others have said that perhaps she's struggling to decide how she feels about me now. All I know is that she tells me everything is ok that "we are ok" but her actions suggest otherwise. Am I being too high maintenance here? Should I ease up and let her figure this out on her own? I just feel like I'm totally lost here, being pulled in so many directions and the only thing I know for certain is that I love her.
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