Have to wait almost a year

[conejita_hada]

It might be good to document her correspondence with you, as well. You listed plenty of mail and packages you have and will send her but USCIS is going to want to see how she communicates with you, as well, because just you sending things might be a red flag for them. I know that's difficult in reality. My SO is from a developing country as well but I also asked (and he obliged) to send a handwritten letter every now and again. USCIS isn't scrutinizing you, it's scrutinizing your SO as an "alien." They do not care that a little girl needs a father, they want to be proven wrong that some foreigner isn't coming to suck up all their resources. (Please note that those are not my sentiments at all regarding immigration but the perspective of USCIS as enforced through legislation.)

For maintaining the relationship while you wait, as others noted, Skype and messaging in addition to mail and packages. My SO cannot afford the internet package required for Skype/videochat through his phone carrier so we mainly use WhatsApp which allows for free calling, messaging, voice recording, and recorded videos. Usually we're fine with talking about our day but sometimes our conversations are a type of "21 Questions" game that livens up discussion and gets us to know more about one another. We've used some of the questions from the LFAD questionnaires, as well.

[fredwiggy]

Thanks. I understand what you mean about USCIS. I know they don't want foreigners bringing bar girls to their countries also. It's sad that so many are allowed in that do just that, or want a free ride, or worse. People should be allowed to marry anyone they want without someone else's perspective on things, or that money can buy your way, even if you're a rich lowlife that only looks at women as objects.

[Miasmata]

Regardless of your political opinions, saying that your partner should get an easy pass while also critizing the US for supposedly letting in terrorists every week is very hypocritical. Like it or not, the US is going to make sure anyone who enters isn't a terrorist, regardless of how wonderful and special you think that specific person is. You'll have to play by the rules to get through.

[fredwiggy]

I know

[whatruckus]

I'm sorry, but all of your replies just scream naivety and ignorance on certain things to me. The part that sticks out the most to me is when you said "...only a complete idiot wouldn't see us as a legitimate couple that wants to be together." That is the most naive statement out of all your replies that I've read.

Also, what worked for other couples that you may know, might not work for you. Just because some people had their visa's granted on the first try, doesn't mean it's going to happen to you. You need to be more realistic. You've only been together for a month and only known each other for a month. And, you also said that as of now, she hasn't shown you any red flags. Well, how could she? It's only been a month remember? My ex started manipulating me after 3 months. Somehow I wound up paying for his cigarettes all the time, and gas to see another girl. He started asking me for money, asking me to ask my dad for money. People's true colors don't start coming out until after you've known them longer and you've gotten comfortable in your relationship. Believe me.

While it's great that you've put so much trust in her, it's also detrimental to you if she decides to manipulate you. I can't tell you that I don't think what you have is love right now, but it honestly looks like lust and infatuation to me at this point. It's in all the books. Hell, I was obsessed with my SO the first month we started dating too, and thought the moon and stars of him. I still think this way about him, but I've had time to come down from the high of meeting someone new and I recognize he's not perfect (no one is). We've been together for about 2 1/2 years.

I'm not trying to dismiss your relationship, and I'm sorry that your other marriages did not work out, but I also don't want this relationship to come back and bite you in the ass because you jumped at the first woman who seems like she's everything you want right now.

[Malaga]

Honestly he sounds way sketchier than his fiancée. A 58 year old picking up significantly younger women on a website specifically aimed at Western men and Thai women. Calling his ex wives and mothers of his children, damaged goods. No wonder he dismisses the immigration rules and common sense. I suppose in this mindset a relationship consisting of weekly postcards and a facebook message is as genuine as it gets and anyone who doesn't get it is an imbecile.

[fredwiggy]

I'M ABOUT AS FAR FROM IGNORANT AND NAIVE AS ANY PERSON CAN BE. TRUST ME, I KNOW WOMAN AND RELATIONSHIPS BETTER THAN MOST. tFTER READING OVER 30 BOOKS AND THOUSANDS OF ARTICLES ON THE SUBJECT, i COULD GIVE DR PHIL A RUN FOR HIS MONEY. FACT. I'VE BEEN IN MANY RELATIONSHIPS AND KNOW EXACTLY WHAT MANIPULATION IS, AND IT DOESN'T HAPPEN HERE. LUST AND INFATUATION COMES FROM INEXPERIENCE WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX. SOMETHING I DON'T HAVE. I'M A PRETTY GOOD JUDGE OF PEOPLE FROM HAVING A GOOD EAR FOR DETAILS. I DON'T SEE THIS IN HER AT ALL. IN FACT,JUST THE OPPOSITE. I KNOW I HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE WHOLE PICTURE,BUT AT THIS STAGE OF THE GAME,WE BOTH WILL HAVE WHAT WE HAVEN'T BEFORE.THAT'S WHY I'M EAGER TO HAVE THIS SOON. IN THE END,NO ONE KNOWS IT ALL,YOU LEARN IT ALONG THE WAY

[whatruckus]

I'M ABOUT AS FAR FROM IGNORANT AND NAIVE AS ANY PERSON CAN BE. TRUST ME, I KNOW WOMAN AND RELATIONSHIPS BETTER THAN MOST. tFTER READING OVER 30 BOOKS AND THOUSANDS OF ARTICLES ON THE SUBJECT, i COULD GIVE DR PHIL A RUN FOR HIS MONEY. FACT. I'VE BEEN IN MANY RELATIONSHIPS AND KNOW EXACTLY WHAT MANIPULATION IS, AND IT DOESN'T HAPPEN HERE. LUST AND INFATUATION COMES FROM INEXPERIENCE WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX. SOMETHING I DON'T HAVE. I'M A PRETTY GOOD JUDGE OF PEOPLE FROM HAVING A GOOD EAR FOR DETAILS. I DON'T SEE THIS IN HER AT ALL. IN FACT,JUST THE OPPOSITE. I KNOW I HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE WHOLE PICTURE,BUT AT THIS STAGE OF THE GAME,WE BOTH WILL HAVE WHAT WE HAVEN'T BEFORE.THAT'S WHY I'M EAGER TO HAVE THIS SOON. IN THE END,NO ONE KNOWS IT ALL,YOU LEARN IT ALONG THE WAY

Like I said before, of course the manipulation hasn't happened. IT'S ONLY BEEN A MONTH SINCE YOU'VE EVEN MET HER/GOT TOGETHER WITH HER. Lust and infatuation does not come from inexperience, it comes from falling hard for someone you don't even know. Rose-colored glasses, sir.

[fredwiggy]

Ok,I agree a little

[whatruckus]

I'm just trying to slap you back to reality. I'm not saying that she IS going to manipulate you, or that she's a bad woman, but you've only known her for a month. You can trust her, but still be wary. I just don't think, given your past history with relationships and marriages, that it's smart to put all your eggs in one basket so early. Right now, you're seeing what you want to see because you want to believe that she's perfect and amazing (and that's fine), but be careful. Get to know her, really get to know her, before you start any of the Visa/immigration process and before you really commit to marrying her.

We've all been at that stage in the beginning where we just wanted to be with our SO's all the time, and close the distance ASAP. But, it doesn't work that way. You need to take the time to form a foundation in your relationship and really make sure that it's going to work. Hoping and having faith is great, but you need to put the work in. And, sometimes...it still doesn't work out.

I'm not doubting that you have feelings for her, and maybe hers for you, but the way you talk about it, like I said, seems like infatuation and lust. The Honeymoon Phase. And, you can read as many books as you can, but it's still not the same as actually going through it. They might prepare you for a little bit of it, but again, it's not the same as first-hand experience. Which, most of the members on this forum have. Either they've gone through it and been successful, they've been denied, or they're in the process of going through it.

[fredwiggy]

Being in it sometimes you have blinders on, so I'm standing aside throughout this to see it all

[Moon]

You need to understand that no one on this forum has anything against you, we don't know you, you are a newbie. We can only advise from what we've read in your posts, from our own past experiences, and what we've learned from being members of this site, some of us for years. We are all unbiased third-partys. We do call things as we see them, and our members are saying these things because sometimes when you're the one in the situation, you can't see the forest through the trees. Hormones are an extremely powerful blinder, even to people who think they know better. You'd be well advised to at least think about some of the things said here, and realize they come from experienced LDR'ers, even if they're decades younger than you. They are knowledgeable in being LD. Just remember that we don't have any ulterior motives, and are taking time out to try to help, because the things you've posted sort of put up some red flags. No one is fighting with you, if you don't like the advice, just ignore it.

[fredwiggy]

Thank you. Love makes you blind sometimes. I see good things for us, but I know relationships are hard no matter what the circumstances. Men are from Mars,women are from venus etc etc

[snow_girl]

Men are from Mars,women are from venus etc etc

Did you learn that from one of the many books you read?

[fredwiggy]

Most of the books I've read were of that general theme, knowing the differences in the sexes and adjusting your thinking to account for it. That and cognitive therapy thinking.