Off moments...

[clauds]

I just need some help on dealing with my emotions.
My girlfriend lives in Scotland and I live in Australia. You can imagine the difficulty of living 10 and a half hours ahead of your significant other. This is fine for me though, yeah there's difficult times when she might wake up before I fall asleep but only to go to work and we get the 20 minute call on her way there. It reaches a point where you need more than just 20 minutes of communication in a day with the girl you love.
But like I said, this I can deal with and I've learnt to deal with it.
We both met working at a summer camp in the US and have been separated since September before calling this official in November. I booked a flight to surprise her for her 23rd birthday in January and it was amazing, everything we thought it would be and more. The best thing is that we have been doing really good since I got back home, the communication has been good, we argue less, we know what we're working towards and it all just feels more secure. Except for me...
I have moments when I don't know if she is what I want. I struggle to tell her I love her at night times because I don't know how I feel, I can't feel anything and she's just a girl. But then there's 6 out of 7 days of the week where my main goal is to get a visa to go live with her and build our lives together and to propose and marry this girl.
She's everything I didn't know I needed and I can't see myself being without her, but then I question myself if that's what I should be thinking when I do have these off moments.
I guess I just want to know if anyone else has been through these off moments and what you did to prevent it or pull through it? I obviously don't want to end it because I know when I'm out of this mood I'll regret it and be a mess but moments like this I don't know what to think.
Does this make sense?

[Kerry92]

I understand exactly what you are going through as I myself am experiencing the exact same thing.
This may sound weird and apologese if it does but it is actually so heart warming to find someone else suffeting the same things as me as so far I havnt heard of anyone feeling this way and assumed it was just me.
I live in Scotland and my boyfriend is In America so we are 5 hours apart time wise but we both work the graveyard shift so quality time like yourself and your good lady is limited.

I have been feeling this way for about a month now and it is the most horrible thing ever. To go from planning everything of our "perfect" life together to doubting our very feelings its indescribable. I totally agree with you when you say it feels like you feel nothing I like to call them my numb days as it takes over everything and can be horrible as hell.

I wish I had a quick fix answer for you but I dont all I can say to you is please do not give up. Stay strong and possitive. I always remind myself of why I love my boyfriend and what makes me drive myself to be with him. Be grateful of you SO and always look for the possitives as it is easy to get lost in the negatives.

I wish you all the luck in the world I hope we both can pass this awkward period to enjoy a life of love and happiness.

Stay strong.

[Littlewhiteflower]

I do understand too. Long distance relationship are hard. I do have some moments like that sometimes, especially right now that my SO told me he couldn't move for me anymore in the future due to him being completely in love with his new job (it was 2 days ago). It's a bit hard to take and I feel off. I do love him with all my heart and we are perfect for each other. I just keep the moments we have in mind and try to carry on the best I can until I go see him instead in the summer.

When we are together, I do have these moments sometimes too, but not all the time and way less often than in LD. I think it's part of every relationship. It's part of human brain to question and doubt sometimes, but you have to carry on and try to focus on the positive.

I wish you the best. LDR are hard but when you'll see her again, you'll remember why it was so worth it.

[clauds]

6 months later and we're still together. I'm still having these moments though and I think if I wasn't seeing her in Feb 19 I would've ended it by now.
How are you going?

[Redheart14]

Is this your first serious relationship?

[SDPersona]

Doubts are a normal part of life. The trick is in discerning which ones are pangs of insecurity, which are blatant signs of trouble and which ones are subtle but significant cues that would have to prompt you to change something or talk about it. Unfortunately it is not always so easy to find the difference. In fact, it can be bloody difficult - especially if you don't know yourself, what you want and where you want to go. Now I've found the only way out of that uncertainty - and doubts can be a big uncertainty - is by working through it by myself first. You won't be able to avoid it or prevent it, because you can't avoid those questions as it will eat at you from the inside out and therefore compromise your capacity and ability to love fully and you can't prevent it, because you'd have to be a robot to not have feelings and a mind that frequently scares itself.

Now, how to work through it? By finding out where those doubts come from. Is your girlfriend acting in ways that makes you think she is not good girlfriend material or is not "all in" in your relationship? From what you told us, it doesn't sound that way. So your doubts have to come from somewhere else - either from you or from external sources like friends or family or media or whatever. Since it sounds like the doubts come from you, you'll have to question yourself why exactly you are not sure about wanting her. Maybe you are just too young and not ready to settle down? If so, that's completely normal and alright to feel that way. In that case, just allow yourself to enjoy this relationship however long it takes.

In any case just think about your doubts as doubts are not bad in and of itself.

[clauds]

It's my second, first with a girl/