Originally posted by TooFarAway
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In a LDR with a soldier divorcing his wife
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I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
- Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"
"Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits
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LFADevotee
- Jun 2013
- 259
- Too far from my baby
- Too far from me
- ALOT
- 08/08/12
- No
- He's not allowed here ok
- Send PM
Originally posted by silvermoonfairy3 View PostWe're not missing it, we think it's based on nothing. It's not a "cold hard analysis", it's your subjective view that fighting = love.
And I'm saying that makes no sense. He might have married her all heroically (though that's suspicious) and then once they started actually spending time together, got on each others' nerves like crazy. Him doing her a huge favor doesn't mean that they'd never fight.
This situation is bizarre for a bunch of reasons, but the fact that they fight means precisely nothing other than they have fights.
It DOES NOT mean nothing. There's ALWAYS a reason why people fight. It's a symptom of a core problem in why a relationship is not working out whether it be a couple, friendship or family. You step back and analyze what you're fighting about all the time and WHY you're fighting. And that's what leads to you trying to fix things up or end the relationship all together such as in differentcountries' case. If the cause of the fighting was that minuscule than there would absolutely be no need for them to be holding on and fighting everyday. There would be a smooth sailing type of divorce based on what this guy is already claiming. The wife would have ran to the courts and filed that divorce already if she was just using him to get away from her country and he was just helping her to leave that country. Open you mind a little bit and think about it. You know it's fishy and I'm just further explaining why it OBVIOUSLY is fishy.
The only way people can get on each other's nerves that badly is when they had that strong connection in the first place in their relationship. Think about it. A fight with a friend whom you've had for years is different than a fight with a friend you met two weeks ago. There's a significant difference. You don't waste your time fighting and going through all the hassle for nothing especially if this was just a "favor." So I'd like to correct you on my real equation that I was trying to say: FEELINGS = FIGHTING. This is definitely not a subjective view-just real basic human behavioral facts. Conflicts happen when there's feelings being hurt or jeopardized. The fact of the matter is, this guy that OP is talking about is USING his little story to justify cheating on his wife for her. He's making it seem as though it's okay for them to cheat because he just married that girl to save her anyway! He just married that girl because he's such a generous righteous man!Last edited by TooFarAway; October 22, 2014, 09:34 PM.
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LFADevotee
- Jun 2013
- 259
- Too far from my baby
- Too far from me
- ALOT
- 08/08/12
- No
- He's not allowed here ok
- Send PM
Originally posted by differentcountries View PostIf he was being heroic that can actually cause lots of resentment. For instance, he could feel she should be grateful, she may feel trapped in owning him something and so on. Human emotions are selsom straight forward. Also, are US not suspiciuos of quick divorces between nationals and foreigners? I gather the both of them could be prossecuted, and she deported, if it was a discovered that the marriage was pro forma and hence a scam to get her the citizenship.
Man I don't understand you two. Whether or not you agree with the fact that I pointed out that them fighting meant that it was more than the marriage being some favor he did for her should not be overlooking that hello- HE CHEATED ON HIS WIFE. Nothing can excuse the fact that he's cheating with the OP.
Besides, if he is feeling resentment than he's a scumbag nonetheless.Last edited by TooFarAway; October 22, 2014, 09:37 PM.
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Originally posted by TooFarAway View PostFighting means nothing? Are you serious...LOL. If fighting meant nothing in this world than what a happy world we would be in. We wouldn't need any couples counselling, family therapists etc. because fighting just means nothing!
It DOES NOT mean nothing. There's ALWAYS a reason why people fight. It's a symptom of a core problem in why a relationship is not working out whether it be a couple, friendship or family. You step back and analyze what you're fighting about all the time and WHY you're fighting. And that's what leads to you trying to fix things up or end the relationship all together such as in differentcountries' case. If the cause of the fighting was that minuscule than there would absolutely be no need for them to be holding on and fighting everyday. There would be a smooth sailing type of divorce based on what this guy is already claiming. The wife would have ran to the courts and filed that divorce already if she was just using him to get away from her country and he was just helping her to leave that country. Open you mind a little bit and think about it. You know it's fishy and I'm just further explaining why it OBVIOUSLY is fishy.
The only way people can get on each other's nerves that badly is when they had that strong connection in the first place in their relationship. Think about it. A fight with a friend whom you've had for years is different than a fight with a friend you met two weeks ago. There's a significant difference. You don't waste your time fighting and going through all the hassle for nothing especially if this was just a "favor." So I'd like to correct you on my real equation that I was trying to say: FEELINGS = FIGHTING. This is definitely not a subjective view-just real basic human behavioral facts. Conflicts happen when there's feelings being hurt or jeopardized. The fact of the matter is, this guy that OP is talking about is USING his little story to justify cheating on his wife for her. He's making it seem as though it's okay for them to cheat because he just married that girl to save her anyway! He just married that girl because he's such a generous righteous man!
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LFADevotee
- Jun 2013
- 259
- Too far from my baby
- Too far from me
- ALOT
- 08/08/12
- No
- He's not allowed here ok
- Send PM
-
Originally posted by TooFarAway View PostI answered that already up there ^
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Originally posted by snow View PostI must have missed it. All I could read from your post is that he has feelings for her/he had feelings for her and that's why they fight. Maybe he fights with her because he wished he could divorce her, but can't because he doesn't want to go to jail.
If this was a jury situation, I would have to say I agree with TooFarAway.
Yes, there can be fighting and resentment and unhappy feelings even in the situation where the marriage was based on saving the poor woman.
I can understand that she might be feeling frustrated, lonely, having left her life and family behind, having a son to take care of, difficulty making friends in a foreign country, finding a job etc.
But in reality if that was the case with no romantic feelings between them, they would just act the part and agree that each other can see other people = not a lot of drama (maybe a little).
And the guy should have told the OP about this little "saving someones life" part a bit sooner, before getting involved with her.
It sounds like a married mans cocked up story, like from a movie, as said before.
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Originally posted by TooFarAway View Post
It DOES NOT mean nothing. There's ALWAYS a reason why people fight.
The only way people can get on each other's nerves that badly is when they had that strong connection in the first place in their relationship. Think about it.
So I'd like to correct you on my real equation that I was trying to say: FEELINGS = FIGHTING. This is definitely not a subjective view-just real basic human behavioral facts.
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