In a LDR with a soldier divorcing his wife

[differentcountries]

if indeed this was just a heroic act he committed to save this woman- then there wouldn't be any need to fight. That means he's saying that there was no love in the first place so divorce should be easy once she's able to get her U.S citizenship. However, this is obviouslyyyy not the case

If he was being heroic that can actually cause lots of resentment. For instance, he could feel she should be grateful, she may feel trapped in owning him something and so on. Human emotions are selsom straight forward. Also, are US not suspiciuos of quick divorces between nationals and foreigners? I gather the both of them could be prossecuted, and she deported, if it was a discovered that the marriage was pro forma and hence a scam to get her the citizenship.

[TooFarAway]

We're not missing it, we think it's based on nothing. It's not a "cold hard analysis", it's your subjective view that fighting = love.



And I'm saying that makes no sense. He might have married her all heroically (though that's suspicious) and then once they started actually spending time together, got on each others' nerves like crazy. Him doing her a huge favor doesn't mean that they'd never fight.

This situation is bizarre for a bunch of reasons, but the fact that they fight means precisely nothing other than they have fights.

Fighting means nothing? Are you serious...LOL. If fighting meant nothing in this world than what a happy world we would be in. We wouldn't need any couples counselling, family therapists etc. because fighting just means nothing!

It DOES NOT mean nothing. There's ALWAYS a reason why people fight. It's a symptom of a core problem in why a relationship is not working out whether it be a couple, friendship or family. You step back and analyze what you're fighting about all the time and WHY you're fighting. And that's what leads to you trying to fix things up or end the relationship all together such as in differentcountries' case. If the cause of the fighting was that minuscule than there would absolutely be no need for them to be holding on and fighting everyday. There would be a smooth sailing type of divorce based on what this guy is already claiming. The wife would have ran to the courts and filed that divorce already if she was just using him to get away from her country and he was just helping her to leave that country. Open you mind a little bit and think about it. You know it's fishy and I'm just further explaining why it OBVIOUSLY is fishy.

The only way people can get on each other's nerves that badly is when they had that strong connection in the first place in their relationship. Think about it. A fight with a friend whom you've had for years is different than a fight with a friend you met two weeks ago. There's a significant difference. You don't waste your time fighting and going through all the hassle for nothing especially if this was just a "favor." So I'd like to correct you on my real equation that I was trying to say: FEELINGS = FIGHTING. This is definitely not a subjective view-just real basic human behavioral facts. Conflicts happen when there's feelings being hurt or jeopardized. The fact of the matter is, this guy that OP is talking about is USING his little story to justify cheating on his wife for her. He's making it seem as though it's okay for them to cheat because he just married that girl to save her anyway! He just married that girl because he's such a generous righteous man!

[TooFarAway]

If he was being heroic that can actually cause lots of resentment. For instance, he could feel she should be grateful, she may feel trapped in owning him something and so on. Human emotions are selsom straight forward. Also, are US not suspiciuos of quick divorces between nationals and foreigners? I gather the both of them could be prossecuted, and she deported, if it was a discovered that the marriage was pro forma and hence a scam to get her the citizenship.

The way that the OP said he describes it. He described it as an unhappy marriage all along. If it was just a pro forma\scam, why would you describe it in that way? It's as if he's been sticking to it and holding on in hopes that it would get better but it's not. Then BANG, the next best thing comes to this guy which is the OP and so he devises a movie like plot to derive pity from the OP to get her.
Man I don't understand you two. Whether or not you agree with the fact that I pointed out that them fighting meant that it was more than the marriage being some favor he did for her should not be overlooking that hello- HE CHEATED ON HIS WIFE. Nothing can excuse the fact that he's cheating with the OP.
Besides, if he is feeling resentment than he's a scumbag nonetheless.

[snow]

Fighting means nothing? Are you serious...LOL. If fighting meant nothing in this world than what a happy world we would be in. We wouldn't need any couples counselling, family therapists etc. because fighting just means nothing!

It DOES NOT mean nothing. There's ALWAYS a reason why people fight. It's a symptom of a core problem in why a relationship is not working out whether it be a couple, friendship or family. You step back and analyze what you're fighting about all the time and WHY you're fighting. And that's what leads to you trying to fix things up or end the relationship all together such as in differentcountries' case. If the cause of the fighting was that minuscule than there would absolutely be no need for them to be holding on and fighting everyday. There would be a smooth sailing type of divorce based on what this guy is already claiming. The wife would have ran to the courts and filed that divorce already if she was just using him to get away from her country and he was just helping her to leave that country. Open you mind a little bit and think about it. You know it's fishy and I'm just further explaining why it OBVIOUSLY is fishy.

The only way people can get on each other's nerves that badly is when they had that strong connection in the first place in their relationship. Think about it. A fight with a friend whom you've had for years is different than a fight with a friend you met two weeks ago. There's a significant difference. You don't waste your time fighting and going through all the hassle for nothing especially if this was just a "favor." So I'd like to correct you on my real equation that I was trying to say: FEELINGS = FIGHTING. This is definitely not a subjective view-just real basic human behavioral facts. Conflicts happen when there's feelings being hurt or jeopardized. The fact of the matter is, this guy that OP is talking about is USING his little story to justify cheating on his wife for her. He's making it seem as though it's okay for them to cheat because he just married that girl to save her anyway! He just married that girl because he's such a generous righteous man!

I'm sorry. I gotta butt in here. Have you ever thought that maybe he is not divorcing her because this heroic act might cause him to go to jail and pay a huge fine for marriage fraud?

[TooFarAway]

I'm sorry. I gotta butt in here. Have you ever thought that maybe he is not divorcing her because this heroic act might cause him to go to jail and pay a huge fine for marriage fraud?

I answered that already up there ^

[snow]

I answered that already up there ^

I must have missed it. All I could read from your post is that he has feelings for her/he had feelings for her and that's why they fight. Maybe he fights with her because he wished he could divorce her, but can't because he doesn't want to go to jail.

[Ahava]

I must have missed it. All I could read from your post is that he has feelings for her/he had feelings for her and that's why they fight. Maybe he fights with her because he wished he could divorce her, but can't because he doesn't want to go to jail.

Maybe he should have thought about that before becoming such a hero (or earhole).
If this was a jury situation, I would have to say I agree with TooFarAway.

Yes, there can be fighting and resentment and unhappy feelings even in the situation where the marriage was based on saving the poor woman.
I can understand that she might be feeling frustrated, lonely, having left her life and family behind, having a son to take care of, difficulty making friends in a foreign country, finding a job etc.
But in reality if that was the case with no romantic feelings between them, they would just act the part and agree that each other can see other people = not a lot of drama (maybe a little).
And the guy should have told the OP about this little "saving someones life" part a bit sooner, before getting involved with her.
It sounds like a married mans cocked up story, like from a movie, as said before.

[silvermoonfairy3]

It DOES NOT mean nothing. There's ALWAYS a reason why people fight.

And sometimes, that reason is "we don't get along" or "he/she pisses me off constantly." It DOES NOT automatically mean that it's love, or that it's so obvious there's deep feelings there. There could be, sure, but fighting IS NOT what would indicate that.

The only way people can get on each other's nerves that badly is when they had that strong connection in the first place in their relationship. Think about it.

Uh, no, that's not the only reason someone can get on your nerves that badly. Do you not have coworkers that get on your nerves like crazy? A friend's partner that you can't stand to be around?

So I'd like to correct you on my real equation that I was trying to say: FEELINGS = FIGHTING. This is definitely not a subjective view-just real basic human behavioral facts.

No, it is absolutely subjective. But I'm done trying to explain the grey areas of the world when you're so convinced that your view is the "correct" view.