Distracted

[Faithful]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for 5 year. I and 17 he is 18. Those of you doing the math we started dating three days before my 13 birthday. This also makes him the only "real" boyfriend I've ever had. We broke up when I 14 for a year because we couldn't drive and never saw each other. We got back together two years ago. While broken up he was in a serious relationship with a girl from his school. They were each other first times and everything. Well we got back together and she pops up every now and then but nothing serious until this past summer. I found out that he was talking to her again, and had been for two months. When I found out I couldn't believe he had gone behind my back. I thought I could never trust him again. Well that was early August and now it's October and it still stings a little. He also recently told me that while talking to her it brought u old feelings and made him wonder if I had been the right choice. Right before this happened we made a deal we wouldn't have sex again until after I graduated high school. It's my senior year and I don't want anything messing it up. He was cool with it and said he would try and understand. Well after he stopped talking to his ex he starting wanting sex all the time even after he made the deal. I may be stupid but something makes me wonder " what made him want it all the time again?" He said he didn't cheat but he went from understanding to now whenever I "just say no" he gets pissed.

What if this girl distracted him? I'm so afraid that the fact that they had sex when they were dating is going to effect our relationship.


And to make the distraction worse the day after he told me he was talking to her I met a guy at work. He's really sweet and easy to talk to. I can talk to him about my problems with my boyfriend but I'm afraid I'm getting distracted by this new guy.

Any teens out there wanna help a distracted girl straighten her thoughts out

[Sora1101]

I'm free if you ever want to talk I met my SO when I was 15 and he's been my only serious relationship although I did have a few boyfriends before him so I can understand what you're going through. Being in a relationship for so long, especially when it's the only serious one you've been in, it's only natural to start wondering what it would be like to be with someone new and strong bonds are always formed when you can open up about your problems. I've also learned that some guys just can't handle going without sex. A previous boyfriend of mine would try to get in my pants every single time we were together even when I constantly said no, it drove me to the point of crying for half an hour while he just sat there and when I was done crying he literally tried puting his hands down my pants. I broke up with him right there but my point is, some guys just can't or aren't willing to wait.

[Faithful]

Does this make me a horrible girlfriend for having a crush on this guy??
I'm so afraid that he won't be willing to wait and it will ruin our relationship. Not having sex has started so many fights/arguments already. Every time he says it won't happen again and that he will stop asking but the next time we're alone he starts again. Could he have lied to me about not cheating and having sex with his ex brought this on??

[Sora1101]

It doesn't make you a bad girlfriend at all, humans weren't made to be with one person forever genetically speaking and feeling lonely and vulerable like you do it's easy to get attached to someone. The only way it would make you a bad girlfriend is if you acted on your feelings behind your SO's back.

Sex is a very important topic in relationships whether you're having it or not, I wouldn't be able to tell if your SO cheated on you or not but I do know that the fact he tries to guilt you into having sex aka constantly bringing it up and fighting over it is exactly what my ex used to do and eventually drove us to break up. You deserve to be with a guy who understands why you want to wait and won't force it on you. Good guys will wait, and patiently with good manners.

My SO and I couldn't do anything intimate for nearly our whole relationship because he was older than me and it would have been illegal so instead of pressuring me and trying to force it he waited until I was 18, 3 whole years he never said a word about how much he wanted it and how he couldn't wait. Sure we talked about it but never in a way that made me feel bad for having to hold out on him. That is the way a guy should be.

[Faithful]

In school we just read Wuthering Heights and I feel like Catherine torn between Heathcliff and Edgar...nerdy right?? I love my bf with all my heart. He gave me a promise ring saying that he plans on replacing it with an engagement ring one day but being put down all the time isn't fun. He'll make comments about not having sex around friends too and it's so embarrassing.

The "crush" boy told me the same thing you did. He also told me he understands I love my boyfriend and he isn't going to try and take me from him. That he will wait as along as he has to. I also found out we will be at the same college next year which makes me excited but I feel guilty for being excited

[Haley53]

In school we just read Wuthering Heights and I feel like Catherine torn between Heathcliff and Edgar...nerdy right?? I love my bf with all my heart. He gave me a promise ring saying that he plans on replacing it with an engagement ring one day but being put down all the time isn't fun. He'll make comments about not having sex around friends too and it's so embarrassing.

The "crush" boy told me the same thing you did. He also told me he understands I love my boyfriend and he isn't going to try and take me from him. That he will wait as along as he has to. I also found out we will be at the same college next year which makes me excited but I feel guilty for being excited

My only concern would be what you're doing to make him thing all he needs is to wait and then he'll have his chance with you. It sounds like somewhere along the line, it's been communicated that he'll have a chance once you and your boyfriend break-up.

For me, it'd be hard to be with someone who didn't respect my desire to wait. If you don't want to have sex, you shouldn't have to, and it's wrong of your boyfriend to pressure you into it, and to use humiliation as a tactic (it's rather abusive, really). It's not wrong of him to want it, but it's wrong of him to try and pressure you into giving in. I would honestly reconsider the relationship. Off and on relationships rarely turn out well to begin with, but with his constantly pushing you for sex and you crushing on another guy, it honestly sounds like you two are growing in different directions, which isn't surprising since you started dating so young.

[Faithful]

I know I started to feel that I was making him feel like he had a chance so when he told me he was talking to another girl I told him to go for it. But in reality I have to face the music so I guess part of me wants him to wait around. Which totally makes me sound like a bitch.
Thinking about ending it with my bf breaks my heart. We've been through so much and we do love each other and we have a lot of good times. I guess I want the good to out way the bad. For every mean things there's a sweet thing I guess.
Part of me wants him to realize how close he is to closing me in hopes he will reconsider his "romantic" tactics

[Sora1101]

My only concern would be what you're doing to make him thing all he needs is to wait and then he'll have his chance with you. It sounds like somewhere along the line, it's been communicated that he'll have a chance once you and your boyfriend break-up.

For me, it'd be hard to be with someone who didn't respect my desire to wait. If you don't want to have sex, you shouldn't have to, and it's wrong of your boyfriend to pressure you into it, and to use humiliation as a tactic (it's rather abusive, really). It's not wrong of him to want it, but it's wrong of him to try and pressure you into giving in. I would honestly reconsider the relationship. Off and on relationships rarely turn out well to begin with, but with his constantly pushing you for sex and you crushing on another guy, it honestly sounds like you two are growing in different directions, which isn't surprising since you started dating so young.

I second this, it seems like you're growing apart and I know it seems like leaving your SO will be painful but it might be for the best if you moved on.

[Faithful]

I know... A lot of my friends tell me to wait it out that he might change. But with college next year I might wanna new start.
But what if I end it and I never have what we have with anyone else. We've made so many plans and gone through so much. Im scared to walk away...
Part of me is scared to be alone. (Typical divorce child syndrome) ha...

[Haley53]

I know... A lot of my friends tell me to wait it out that he might change. But with college next year I might wanna new start.
But what if I end it and I never have what we have with anyone else. We've made so many plans and gone through so much. Im scared to walk away...
Part of me is scared to be alone. (Typical divorce child syndrome) ha...

If it helps ,most of us feel that way during our first break-up, and a lot more of us feel that way after the end of a long-term relationship. I have personally moved on and found someone I am in love with more than I ever was with who I thought would be my last. I realise that it's scary, especially after investing so much time, but as people, we are wired to move on, be able to live through a break-up, and meet someone with whom we're more compatible.

[Sora1101]

Honestly I doubt he'll change. I know it's scary to give up and start over after you guys have been through so much together but there will be someone better out there who won't pressure you to do things you don't want to do. You might not find someone who will have what you and your SO have but that's the point, you'll meet someone else and form a whole new type of bond with them, and it will more than likely be a better relationship because you will learn from this current relationship and make improvements to yourself and your boyfriend choices.

[Faithful]

I'm starting to think he won't either. But there's that little voice saying don't lose hope ya know? There comes a point where the hurt and embarrassment has to stop. As y'all can see I'm at a cross roads. I've watched friends go through mean boyfriends and I never thought my bf would end up that way. It's almost like he doesn't realize he's doing it. When i bring it up he acts like he doesn't know what I'm talking about.
I am not a crier but I feel like a lot of my time is spent crying now..

[Sora1101]

I think that shows a lot, your special someone is meant to make you the best you can be, to make you happy so that you smile all day long not cry. I say think about it seriously. Do you really want to spend all your time and energy feeling sad and fighting or do you want to find someone who makes you feel like a princess all the time? It's up to you but I say listen to your gut, you don't think he's going to change and he probably won't, he knows what he's doing after the first time you fought about it it's pretty obvious that pressuring you about sex makes you sad.

[Faithful]

Thank y'all for the advice. I have no one to really talk to and now I feel like I can open up and talk to people who don't judge and understand.
I pray he will wake up but if he doesn't then I have to take care of myself